I recently found out that a girl I like has a kid.

Question

Well there is this girl I like that I just found out has a kid.  Since then I have backed off I haven't visited her or spoken to her.  Suddenly out of the blue I hear from her and she ask me to give her a call yesterday.  I haven't decided on whether or not to give her a call.  I am not at a point in my life where I am ready to even think about raising another dudes kid.  For one thing I don't know if I will ever get there.  I don't know if I am taking way to long to call her back (I was planning on calling tomorrow, she called me on Monday). I know I don't get many dates, much less girls actually showing interest to me at this level.  At the same time I don't want to deal with the drama that comes with dealing with a girl that has a kid from another dude.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

As a female, I would recommend that you stay away.

There are more cons than pros when it comes to dating a female who has a child. I'll list them here...

- She is going to be naturally, effortlessly critical of you to see if you are good enough to be around her child. Realistically, most people before the age of 30 are not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually enough to be mommy and daddy figures and a human being's first teacher. Not even the people bringing the children into this world! It's completely unfair to want to date someone and they hold you to these high expectations because they want to know that you're ready for a role you didn't even ask to take on.

- Many women use their children as weapons. Even if you embrace the situation with open arms, that is not your child. If things don't work out you have absolutely no legal obligations to see that child ever again. I know many single moms who will get mad and use their child as a weapon to try and hurt someone else by saying "Well I'm the mom and I decide who my kid can see and because I'm pissed, they can't see you!" Even if she's not being a spiteful b*tch, it may be awkward for her to have her kid around you after things between you guys didn't work out so why would she?

- When you date a single parent, you are not just dating the parent; the kid is a huge factor as well. Which makes them an awesome parent, but in reality you and the kid may not even get along. And to be frank, it sucks to have to force some type of connection with a snot nose brat because you're dating their parent.

- You have to share the person you're dating. Now this is extremely selfish and comes from my young, virgin, inexperienced relationship self, but I do not want to share my S.O. with someone else especially a child. I am new to relationships and I want to be able to focus strictly on the relationship without another human being involved. I don't know if you can relate to that.

Anyway, overall dating a single parent complicates things and alters the entire dating process. It's really unfair to the child and to the person being dated. It's not right for the child to constantly have a different guy and potential father figure in and out of their life and it's really not fair to someone who's not ready to have kids to have to tackle a role just to be with someone they care about or have a shot with them.

RositaV · Accepted Answer

I'm a single mom.  I go on dates, and 80% of the time, the dude is out like the flash the moment he learns I have a kid.  I'm okay with that.  Some guys aren't ready to be a "male role model" .(notice I didn't use the term father).   Some single moms don't have baby daddy drama (My baby daddy was gone before she was born).  However, the guys that chose to take a chance, although they were nervous at first,  ended up very happy.  I still talk to some of my ex's and we talk about how it was. How scared they were, but that they really liked me, and at the end, it was worth it.  It  is a really real decision you have to make. Don't make it lightly. If you are 100% sure you don't want to deal with it, don't. Don't waste her time. But, if you are willing to take a risk, you will experience things you will never know otherwise.

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

You don't know her situation and if she'd even need you to help raise her kid.but I understand your concern. I think you should take it slow but let her know you usually don't date women with kids.this way you're being honest but also warning her you ain't trying to be replacement daddy if that's what she had in mind. keep your options open in the meantime

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

" I am not at a point in my life where I am ready to even think about raising another dudes kid." He**, I'll never want to raise anyone elses kid, so I'll never ever be at that point in my life. Ever.

Meedo · Accepted Answer

just tell her that ... so she doesn't keep guessing and get depressed.. nothing wrong with what you want.. but be brave and tell her... then move on..  so both of you could get closure.

snowangle · Answer

She most likely doesn't expect you to raise her kid. She'd like you to get along with her child, but I highly doubt she expects you to do more than that.

yesulame · Answer

It don't seem like you like her, because if you did it wouldn't matter that she has a kid. Also how would you feel if a female didn't want anything to do with you, because you have a child.

luckyGurl · Answer

Maybe you'll like the kid too and there'll be no drama. Just give it a try :)

Anonymous · Answer

and how do you rush into liking someone without getting to know them and lifestyle? seems like lust more than anything.

brooklynboy · Answer

i would call her just to see what she wants...but if you don't want to date her because you found out she has a kid, then that's your decision

Anonymous · Answer

It seems like you want to stay away from her? So what's stopping you? Seems like a rant if anything

I recently found out that a girl I like has a kid.

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