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Learn this lesson, and learn it well: you cannot change OTHER PEOPLE, you can only change YOURSELF. You are asking how to change him; well, you can't. Your actions ALWAYS have consequences, and in this case, the consequences of your actions are that he no longer wants to be with you.
It's unlikely that anything you do or don't do at this point is going to change his mind. That's the consequences you have to accept for what you've done. Sure, *maybe* he'll miss you and come back to you, but don't bet on it. IMO, the only thing that has ANY chance of working is for you to apologize to him, and acknowledge everything you did wrong, and make it clear that you KNOW that YOU were in the wrong, and that you don't blame him for the decision you forced him to make. Will that make a difference? Who knows. I'd guess you have a 20-25% chance if you do a great job of apologizing and accepting the responsibility, and that's as good as you're ever going to get.
If it doesn't work out, then you need to move on, and you need to take these lessons to heart. Never date a guy because of who he "could be" or "what he could be like if you 'fixed' him"; you need to accept him as he is when you find him, or forget him and look for someone else. You cannot change other people, so if something needs to change, it's going to be YOU, not the world.
1. Think always about what HE wants - to use as a guide; this means "be dropped", leave him alone, get out of his radar until further notice
2. Now you have time to be open, vigilant for a better suited guy. A guy that gives you enough attention so you don't get these needy feelings and have to do 23 comms ... that really don't satisfy your needs.
3. Research or get counseling on your potential root problem many have when your age: you might only like those that remain distant from you and hate the ones attracted to you.
4. Consider your relations with parents. Is there an emotionally distant parent's approval you seek? Fix this root and the rest of this problem might adjust to become a healthier life ahead.
you can't smother someone unless they want the attention. you may have gone overboard but if he wanted things to work he'd have discussed it with you before he got to the point of leaving. it sounds like hewas never really in it to begin with. which is probably how you ended up feeling like he dudnt care. because he didnt.
next guy when you realize you're putting all the effort in. talk to him about what you want. ask him what he wants. if it diesnt converge dump him.
thks guy is an ass. he's blaming his inability to be his own person on you being clingy or w/e.
people who know who they are don't blame other people for their unhappiness. they just end a situation what isn't working or they fixit. he's gone. he's a jerk. he doesn't care. its not your fault. just let him go.
in future discuss with your partner teirt boundaries and yours. that way you know what their cut off points are and you'll know if you actually 'f***ed up' or if they are just using you as an excuse for their own unwillingness to tend to an unseemly situation.
srry and good luck.
You can't really "make" anyone miss you. I guess you should just limit your contact with him for a while. If he doesn't contact you for a long time then I think its time to move on and be happy without him. Maybe if he sees that you're happy without him it'll get his attention.
we all mess up...i did...i lost my one love of many years...its done...i did crazier things.
you are much younger. live and learn. move on and don't do it to future guy.
look at #4 from Island 7...i wonder that about myself.
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16Opinion
Listen.
Absence can make the heart grow fonder. But in a situation like this, it rarely works. You made a complete ass of yourself by calling him 23 times. If you thought he was ignoring you, you should have returned the favor, not went all psycho-crazy-obsessive on him.
I'll tell you this much, stepping back COMPLETELY is the ONLY way you have ANY chance. But you need to listen, that chance is incredibly small and you have absolutely NO control beyond doing that. He very probably will never want a relationship with you again.
So do not hope for this to happen, because I can almost gurantee you it won't. Your best option right now is to ACTUALLY try to move on, as if it's completely over, because that's the unfortunate reality that you're facing. I know that sucks, and I know that's hard, but you'll be better off once everything sinks in if you start taking steps in that direction right now.
Stop worrying about him and start looking at yourself. You are continuing to do the kind of stuff that drove him away in the first place. It will also drive away most other guys.
Just saying you f***ed up doesn't mean a thing without learning and making changes to yourself. The changes have to be real, not some fake changes on the surface when you are still the same underneath.
Learn to be your own person. Learn to be by yourself. Learn to be independent. You are looking externally for things that should come from within. Yea I know that's easier said than done, but that doesn't change the fact that it's what you need to do. Just being aware of your own flaws is the first step.
You can start with looking at your own question. Why do you want to make him miss you? Why? You need to honestly look at yourself to find that answer. I could speculate here. But you need to find the answer for yourself, and be 100% honest with yourself.
At this point there is absolutely nothing you can do. He is not going to miss you to the fact that you called him 23 times lol and he still ignored you so you played at his favor and disconnecting your social network only will help HIM again by you being even more silenced and in the dark away from him, do you see where I'm getting at.
I had an ex do something similar. The best thing you can do is just give him space, don't worry about deactivating anything, just don't call him or text him etc. wait for him to contact you
I suggest you move on, and if he misses you and wants you back and you still want him then you can try again, but purposely manipulating him will only make matters worse. If it doesn't work out then it was for the best. Try to relax more around the next one.
absence makes the heart grow fonder. if the absent heart is one that the person is fond of.
I don't think you should do any of the things you mentioned. I think that indicates that same demand for attention that got you into the situation you are in. I think you should move forward. live your life. the greatest way to get attention is to show that you don't need attention. just leave it be, move on with your friends and if your ex still has feelings for you he will reach out to you.
you can't "make" someone miss you. to keep it short and sweet: as you said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" this is very true. If you go away and live your life it will give him time to figure out whether or not he misses you. if he does, he'll come around. If he doesn't, then move on with your life. It's not an easy thing to do but it's the only thing that will work.
Go out and have fun. Do things that interest you. Keep progressing in life. He'll either see this and say to himself, "damn, maybe I should give her a call and see what's up", or he won't, and by that point you've moved on anyway.
P.S. Not judging at all, but wow...23 times? Damn, girl! ;-)
No easy fix to this. Would you say you have some abandonment issues? The 23x calls kinda put a nail in that relationship coffin lol wow. Last chick that did that to me was crazy violent and would actually stalk mine and my moms residence to try and run into me.
Just leave him alone, if he's gonna miss you it'll happen on it's own. I wouldn't get your hopes up though, guys don't usually recover from being smothered like that.
no. if he lost interest in you, the only way you can regain his interest is by showing him you've changed. and by doing all that you just said, if he's smart enough to put one and one together, he will realize that you are doing it just for him... which I think he would not like..
i say just keep your distance but keep trying to contact him. don't be too eager to talk to him, or let him know your eager to talk to him. and play it from there.
Everybody messes up and try moving on with something new to get over something old pretending that you're over us. Us real men see right through that and we know when you're trying to play like you don't miss us. So just leave him completely alone you said you don't want him so prove it to yourself not us.
Move on, see a therapist. That level of neediness is very unhealthy. You need to be happy on your own before you can be truly happy with someone else.
if he dumped you, he ain't gonna miss you.
find a guy who Wants to be smothered. they are out there...I should know, I am needy!
Holy crap - 23 phone calls? Of course he dumped you.
And now you still won't let it go? Won't let him go?
Oh yeah, he's gonna know you're *crazy*.
You don't want to talk to him but you want him to miss you? That sounds kind of selfish.
you can't make anyone do anything...grow up
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