Relationships

Relationship expert Charles J. Orlando: "The Problem with Women... is Men"

gagTake a

Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert and bestselling author of "The Problem with Women... is Men" book series. Charles has built a 1,400,000+ fanbase on Facebook, where he offers free love advice to men and women around the world. He has personally connected with thousands of singles and couples to offer his advice.

Charles has been working directly with men and women as well as indirectly with hundreds of thousands of people via social media. His approach to giving relationship/marriage advice is one of reality and balance, steering clear of techniques that might sound good in a clinical book/setting but fall short when applied within the realities of life.

You can discover more about Charles J. Orlando, his book series, and his relationship advice by visiting his website as well as his Amazon page.

Relationship expert Charles J. Orlando:

1. What kind of men do women really want? What kind of women do men really want?

Charles: Men and women believe the wrong things about each other. Men fall in love with women thinking they WON'T change… and they do. And women fall in love with men they believe WILL change… and they don’t. From this starting point, there is a fundamental disconnect.

In the nuts and bolts of love, however, there are some very specific things men and women are looking for:

A man wants her to feel proud of him. He wants her to trust him and his judgment. He wants her to stay healthy and sexy… like when they met. He wants to know that she’s into him. He wants her to be glad to see him when he comes home. He wants her support. He craves her acceptance.

A woman wants to be accepted for precisely who she is — even if that changes due to age, experience, hormonal changes or shifts in thoughts/opinion. She wants to be treated as an equal, regardless of who is the breadwinner in the house. She wants to be loved by a Nice Guy and fucked by a Bad Boy. She wants spontaneity and effort and passion. She wants to feel like a woman, not like a wife or mother or girlfriend.

Dear Men: It's not about "getting her"... it's about how you KEEP her. Being a gentleman never goes out of style.A photo posted by Charles J. Orlando (@charlesjorlando) on Jun 5, 2015 at 8:07am PDT


2. Do you have any advice for men and women who have trouble putting themselves out there?

Charles: People usually never regret things they do… they regret what they DON’T do. If you don’t want to look back at your life and wonder "What if…?", take the chance. Maybe you get shot down or hurt… but MAYBE you find happiness… or love… or fulfillment. Bottom line: You cannot find the light without risking a journey through the darkness.

3. Is there one person out there for everyone or are relationships about timing (finding someone when you are ready to settle down/be in a relationship)?

Charles: Relationships are highly dependent on where we are as individuals within our own lives. It’s more timing than anything. And it’s just just about being ready to settle down with someone… it’s about where they are at within their own growth… what do they want from a relationship? From life? For themselves? How will that be shared back in to the relationship, and is there enough common ground at this point in time.

Never settle. Ever.A photo posted by Charles J. Orlando (@charlesjorlando) on Jul 2, 2015 at 3:13pm PDT


4. What mistakes do most men make while they’re in a relationship? And how can they avoid them?

Charles: Men put their effort in at the beginning and then relax. Once they "have her", they don’t put in the same effort. They become complacent, and women feel like they’ve experienced a bait-and-switch. If he wants her to stay, he needs to keep his effort, passion and loyalty throughout the relationship… or she will become dissatisfied… and maybe start looking elsewhere. Ashley Madison doesn’t exist for no reason, and what I discovered when I went undercover as a "cheating husband" highlights this main point (and it’s why it’s being developed into a TV series and/or movie). Bottom line: For any husband who won’t, there’s a neighbor who will.

5. Why are couples so reluctant to talk about sex (what they like, don’t like, how many [sexual] partners they’ve had)?

Charles: Talking about sex in detail is hard for many couples because it leaves them vulnerable… which is to say it leaves them open for their partner’s judgment. When you put your wants and needs out there, it leaves them with control of: 1) Fulfilling it or not; and 2) Evaluating if it’s good/weird/important. Many people don’t like to be that vulnerable… but here’s the rub: They can’t read your mind. If you want something, you have to ask for it.

6. How do you know when a relationship (or marriage) is doomed?

Charles: The moment you stop caring what they do or don’t do, it’s over.

7. Can social media ruin a relationship?

Charles: Absolutely. Over the past 7-10 years, people are investing more and more in the relationships they hold virtually instead of the relationships they have in the real-world. The real challenge (and risk) is that investing online provides the illusion that you aren’t alone… when the truth is, you are more alone than ever. My advice: PUT YOUR DAMNED PHONE DOWN.

8. What would you say to someone who is through a painful break-up?

Charles: People usually struggle with a bad break-up because they put too much into the relationship in the first place… and now that they relationship is over, a big piece of themselves is also over. It takes time to rebuild your senses of self-esteem and self-worth after a painful break-up. It’s like a death… and you need time to grieve. The best way to get over a bad relationship is to IMMEDIATELY get into a new relationship... with yourself.

9. What inspired your book series “The Problem with Women... is Men”?

Charles: My own personal journey as a man and as a human. I was on a path of self-discovery and I found others on the same path… but without a guide. As I spoke with people—first a few, then hundreds—I learned a lot… and I wanted to share it.

Dear Men: You might have attracted her with charm and confidence... but this is why she stays with you...A photo posted by Charles J. Orlando (@charlesjorlando) on Aug 30, 2014 at 3:52pm PDT

10. You have 1.4 million followers on Facebook. To what do you owe your success?

Charles: I’m humbled and honored by that number, actually… and it’s been achieved without any advertising. I believe a few things have fueled my success on social media.

Firstly, it’s about quality content that people care about. To provide that, you need to be informed, and I feel that I am. I’m on the front lines with men and women around the world every day. I’ve spoked with thousands of people to uncover real-world relationship issues in today’s technology-centric world. No one has really taken a strong look at how communication has fundamentally changed with the advent of technological shifts—vis a vis Tinder, Facebook, online dating sites, texting, and more. Information is so much more readily available, and we expect our relationships to follow suit. I look at the cross-section of where love and technology collide.


Secondly, I’m honest and transparent. I’m not a relationship expert because I have achieved some level of perfection in life and love (umm… no. Not even close.). What makes me an expert is that I have research, perspective, informed opinion, and experience. I call things as I see them—sometimes offering what I’ve called The Harsh Truth. Tough love is something many people shy away from… but if you are writing in to me, you’ll get the reality check you need.

Thirdly, I’m available and of-service. Hundreds of people write in to me every week looking for advice on life and love. I answer as many as I can without ANY a request/requirement to buy this or that from me. As trite as it might sound, I really just want to help as many people as I can.

And lastly, I recognize that I don’t matter. In truth, I’m irrelevant to my fans. I mean, I think they appreciate what I say and how I assist them, but I’m not really doing the hard work. I provide the perspective they want and need… and then THEY do the work. In a nutshell, what I’ve learned is simple: It’s the message that counts, not the messenger. I’m very grateful for my fans… but ultimately, my goal is to help and then never have them contact me again because they have addressed the core issues that are blocking them from happiness.

How do you know if they are the right one? THIS »A photo posted by Charles J. Orlando (@charlesjorlando) on Jan 30, 2015 at 7:47am PST


11. Lastly, do you take your own advice when it comes to relationships?

Charles: As much as I can. :) No perfection here. We are all still learning and growing… myself included.

For more on Charles visit his website and follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Relationship expert Charles J. Orlando: "The Problem with Women... is Men"
Post Opinion
50 Opinion