Girls and guys can't be best friends

[ucme3y]

Obviously, there will always be exceptions, but from my experience as a general rule of the thumb, girls and guys cannot be best friends without at some point one or the other wanting more..

Dont get me wrong, friends of the opposite sex are BRILLIANT because they are great with relationship advice, since they know how most members of their sex thinks. But when a girl and boy become best friends, and I'm talking about like really deep intimate connection and deep talks and lots of deep kinda things, feelings eventually become inevitable..

Its because that is the basis of falling in love with someone (apparently). When you get past small talk and start discussing your passions and hopes and dreams some sort of pathological connection forms and some hormones are released and voila feelings come. In fact it's really common for people to fall in love with their best friends.

So in conclusion of this poorly written myTake, girls and guys CAN be friends and really good friends, but once it verges on best friends you can bet that at some point one will develop feelings for the other.. (If of course both members of the opposite sex are straight).

[Anonymous]

Great myTake.

That's why I refuse to be friends with girls. I have a really high sex drive, so I end up fantasizing about having sex with every girl I see. It's too painful for me to just be friends with a girl. So, I prefer to be alone and focus on other things because girls always end up choosing other guys over me. I don't even talk to my male friends anymore because they all have good sex lives and they would talk about how they always get together with their girls. My male friends and one female friend thought I was gay. That really hurt me because I'm extremely straight. So, after I graduated from college, I just hid in my house playing League of Legends for four years now. I lost my virginity in August 2015. I ended up resorting to prostitutes. I went to four of them during that month. For the first time in my life, I felt a very different, but extremely powerful kind of happiness. I'm assuming that's the power of oxytocin. Too bad it's not permanent, though. I think that happiness can only be maintained if someone has sex regularly, perhaps every day. I'm depressed again, but at least now I have memories of sexual happiness.

[ucme3y]

Thank you, and I hope you will be okay!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you. You're very kind. <3

[Opinion Owner]

I'm fine with being friends with girls now...

[Sara413]

I think there are a lot more exceptions to that "rule of thumb" than you realize. At what point to they cease to be exceptions and instead discredit the "rule"?

I think that while it is quite normal for opposite sex friends to sometimes find themselves attracted to their friend, that doesn't mean they can't be best friends or that anything will come of those feelings. Hell, I've had moments when I've thought about my female best friend in that manner and I'm straight.

My two other best friends are guys and there have been short lived attractions but when it comes down to it, we're friends and that's the way we like it. I had it bad for one of them for quite a while but he saw me as a sister. Eventually I got over it and I'm very glad nothing ever came of it because if it had, we wouldn't have the friendship that we have now. The other one had a bit of a crush on me when we first met but I wasn't into it. Well, five years later we both see each other as bro/sister and thr thought of being together romantically is laughable.

[ucme3y]

Hm I understand what you are saying, but once one or the other admits they like their best friend do you not find it gets awkward and uncomfortable, since one could feel bad about talking to them stuff best friends normally talk about such as crushes? And feelings can always come back later (sometimes)... But I guess if you get past that awkward stage then your friendship is saved... But I'm very happy for you that you managed to continue being best friends with all of your best friends!

[Sara413]

I think that when you genuinely love and care about one another as people and are determined to have that person in your life, you can and will get past anything - including unrequited romantic feelings. If you're not able to get past that, I'd say you were never really "best" or even "good" friends in the first place...

[Sara413]

Sure, it was a bit painful for a while after I told my one BFF how I felt and was told he didn't feel the same, but he means a lot to me and he is a hugely important part of my life. I was not willing to just not have him in my life, so I got through it. Had I walked away from that friendship, I think I would have regretted it the rest of my life. We've made some of my best memories in life together, given one another some of the best advice, and been there for one another through some really tough times. He's my fuckin' bro and I wouldn't want it any other way.

[OlderAndWiser]

I cannot speak for how women would approach this issue. As a man, I can look at a woman and I know almost instantly whether I am attracted to her. If not, the odds of me developing an attraction are almost nonexistent. I have had female friends who were friends for a long time and nothing more ever developed. Your beliefs on this matter are probably shaped by your personal experiences; at you age, those experiences are very limited and your experiences with the opposite sex have probably mostly occurred after you reached puberty. Guys at your age are extremely driven by their hormones and their behavior is not really indicative of how men act when they get older. So I understand why you have this opinion, but I respectfully disagree.

[ucme3y]

Thank you for your opinion, and what you say has value

[OlderAndWiser]

Your response tells me that you are a wise woman-in-training. :)

[ucme3y]

I am interested in people's opinion on this matter- I stated mine and am willing to hear others!:)

[OlderAndWiser]

It is amazing how many young people are not open-minded on such matters. It is nice to encounter an exception!

[chief_whip]

The best friend I have ever had, easily the best relationship (used broadly) I have ever had, was with a straight female. For a couple years we were merely acquaintances, running in the same circle of friends. I am usually a reserved sort of person, and rarely open up to anyone. Then one night, she made a comment over text about how strange it was that I knew everything about everyone, yet no one knew anything about me. Like the idiot I am, I replied, "what the hell, you have never shown signs of evil. I can tell you about myself now, if you want." We texted till 1:30 am that night, and it was easily the most meaningful conversation I have ever had. From that night on, we shared an intimate connection. It was stronger than anything I had ever felt for anyone. Stronger than I thought it was possible to care for another person. Nevertheless, it still felt like we were just friends. More months passed, and we became distant. It was only then I realized how much I cared for her, on a higher, more romantic level. She was the first person I told. For that matter, she was the only person I would trust with something like that. It seemed like every month or so, I would think that the feelings were leaving, only to have them return on a whole new scale.
Fast forward to today, 2 years (ish) later.
She is dating a guy who, though he was never as close as we used to be, I still considered to be a friend worth keeping, and though I haven't said anything about it to him, there is a strange dynamic between us. I just get so pissed with how he treats her some times. He says such mean things to her. Like "jokingly" calling her a slut. As far as I was aware, that wasn't even possible. If he knew about the things that girl has been through, I swear he would take every one of those back. At least he does know about how low herself esteem is, and yet he continues.
I would give anything to have our friendship back, and even more to have more. Though I can still most definitely see myself living alone, there would be no one else I would spend my life with if I did live with a partner.
I have tied to at least half-way maintain our old friendship throughout this, but recently, she has just cut me off.
I cry about it, just the friendship part alone, easily 3 times a week.
If you are out there, I am going to give you the following confirmation phrase: "P. A., underscore, night bestie, P. I."

I love you. If you cut me off as a form of therapy, know that it hurts more than it helps.

[Anonymous]

I kinda agree. I like one of my best friends. However, rest of 3 my female best friends are like my sisters. I've little stronger feelings for them than the feelings I have for the friend I like. From the very first moment we all were like brother-sisters. We are ridiculously close that those who aren't close to us, find our friendship an act. However, no one cares. Our families and their fiance, husband know about us and they love the relationship we have with each other. They're in fact jealous that my friends have better connection with me than their fiance & husband :P
I'm in love with them, but it's platonic. Just like a family. Never thought about them in other way.

The 4th one is different. She's also like other 3 but our friendship is different. She has strong connection with me but still not on the level of other 3. I'm in love with her romantically. But afraid to make move because I don't want to risk friendship. I wouldn't mind staying best friend of her forever.

Everything depends on the way friendship grows. However, there are many more exceptions than you might think.

[ucme3y]

Good luck with your 4th best friend!:) thank you for your comment!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks ^^

[dartmaul15]

with respect, you're wrong.

BUT you are also right. At some point one of them, or both, will stand at the crossroad of "do i want more". This HAS to be a contious choice, you can not delay it forever.

One of my best friends is a girl, and there were a period where i was kinda interrested. But i knew it'd be pointless, so i ignored that and chose to be just friends. And we still are. And i'm still acting as her wingman, and partially responsible for one happy relationship. And honestly that's what I initially wanted; a good friend. Okay, i got two good friends, because her boyfriend is an awesome bro too XD

The point? When a freindship reach a certain level, you likely will face that decission. For some it's already answered (one of them is taken). It's about killing the spark before it lights a fire.
Do that, and the friendship will stay like that.

So to sum it up
A deep friendship between a girl and a guy need to be a contious choice from both sides. You need to both agree to keep it as friends only, and you need to ACT LIKE IT! That means no fucking flirting!

[Gommers]

You're wrong. You still want to fuck her.

[dartmaul15]

@gommers i'm not a weak willed fuckboi. But you seem to be.
But hey, your loss.
Oh, and here's a suggestion for when you feel like sticking your dick into something that's not yours, go have a wank. Maybe that will help you controll yourself?

[ucme3y]

Come on let's not get personal now...

[dartmaul15]

meh, it's the language that kind of guys understand. If he wana be rude to me, i gona be rude back XD

[Gommers]

Here's the trick, you dumb sack of shit, I don't fuck what I don't already have an emotional connection to. I hope you get aids.

[dartmaul15]

@gommers i must admit i find it amusing you say you WANT to fuck any girl friend you have, but won't fuck anything you don't have an emotional conection with.
I don't know about you, but to me "emotional conection" goes beyond friendship.
To me that's "romantic interrest".

And i simply doesn't have that towards friends.

[Gommers]

I don't have "girl" friends. I have friends, I have girls that I'd fuck if the opportunity arose but otherwise we're just friends, I don't have male friends that are unattractive either; it's all about social positioning. Unfortunately sociology of the real world falls apart when people can get validation at the lift of the shirt online and don't have use for a male on a regular basis.

I find it kind of amusing that you have no grasp on why people are attracted to each other "platonically" or outright sexually. I'm telling you right now, if I was to go out to bars with the intention of getting laid it would happen any time I wanted, my standards would be considerably lower, the women I would sleep with would have much worse sex, and the value of sex to me in a relationship would be almost null. I find the chase to be extremely sexy, finding a girl that I have to work my ass off to get, impress, and/or change the mind of is the biggest turn on in the world. I don't just "fuck", not me

[dartmaul15]

@gommers well that sorts things out. You're simply okay with friends with benefits situations and random hookups, whereas i don't do that.
That's the core of the disagreement.

Anyway, that's fair enough to me. And i respect that as long as you make the girl aware of your intentions.

Just please don't asume everyone else play like that, please. mkay?

[Gommers]

No, I'm not okay with friends with benefits or Hookups... What level of education have you completed?

[dartmaul15]

@gommers was that way i understood your post, but okay...

[Anonymous]

This is true. Anyone who says differently is probably in denial. I have been with my boyfriend for four years and about two years ago my mother started dating someone who was part of a band. The bass player and I became friends instantly. He came to all me and my boyfriends get together and family outings. He was hands down my best friend. About three months down the road he started disrespecting the fact that I was in a relationship and told me on more than one occasion he was in love with me. I didn't want to lose his friendship so I warned him (probably six times) and told him he needed to chill out or I could no longer hang out with him. After all it wasn't fair to my boyfriend. He eventually "stopped" this behavior and my boyfriend ended up inviting him over for drinks. He got wasted and fell asleep on my couch. My boyfriend went to work at 4am and I woke up to this "friend" violating me in my sleep. Hands down my pants and him rubbing his dick all over me. Needless to say he has not been around since. I told him if he ever even attempted to speak to or connect me again then I would contact the proper authorities. My boyfriend ended up confronting him and the contact has stopped. But I will never have another best friend whom is male aside from my boyfriend. I've learned my lesson.

[rjroy3]

I think a lot of people don't really know what a best friend is realistically. I've met so many people who were "best friends". Then the semester was over and they took classes with someone else who became their new "best friend". A best friend isn't someone who happens to be who you are hanging out with the most at different points in your life.
A best friend is a life long relationship. The type of friend that you can move away from, not see eachother for months or years. Not talking, but when you meet up again that relationship is still there just as strong. Time tested. That's what's required to really know whether or not someone is your best friend. Time.
Just like love takes time to know whether or not it is true love or just the hormones.

[VampireEmpress]

Totally agree with you! Most people's definitions of best friend are really loose. I've seen 'best friends' break up all the time, and split the friendship over arguments and trashing each other.

[rjroy3]

@vampireempress

Yea, it irks me when I hear people say "best friend", but will gossip about that person or talk trash about them if they are arguing. It's pathetic

[ucme3y]

You are totally correct- the terms best friend is being used really loosely nowadays... I apparently have a lot of 'best friends' but I haven't spoken to them in months😂😂

[oddwaffle]

The number #1 reason is that you get too personal with each other. Where does the boundary of being just 'best friends' stop and you become too intimate?

A wise person once told me this "A wife is more than just a lover. She is you best and greatest friend. She would beat you with a brick if you get too stupid. She would have your back when you need it most. She would always stick around no matter how bad it gets. But for only for as long as you are worthy of her."

In a sense, a great friend is almost always your SO. Unless your marriage gets all complicated, dried and political - that's when men want to cheat by the way.

The only way you can get a best friend of the opposite sex is when you both know for sure you are not going to be together. A girl can be a really great friend with a gay guy because the gay guy will never fall in love with her.

[ucme3y]

That is exactly my opinion, since I had a best friend and we did just what best friends do like go out to town together and eat dinner together (when we saw each other- different schools) and after about a year people kept assuming we were dating...

[Duryodhan]

A boy and a girl can be friends even best friends but those are exceptional circumstances. Because of biology a man always looks for a potential mate to try and spread his seed, while a woman looks for a reliable partner with strong sexual fitness.

So naturally it's not meant to be this way, however we're not complete slaves to evolution and our hormones so it is possible to have a completely platonic friendship.

[ucme3y]

I agree!

[BlueEyedShyGrl]

I have a guy friend we have been friends almost a year now and it's working out quite well.. He always respects me and I him.. It's never been anything more. We both care a lot about each other but our friendship is more important to us than risking it all for a romantic relationship that may not work... Things change when you cross that line or at least in a past experiance for me it did! But maybe it could work for others you never know... Me personally I wouldn't want to cross that line with my friend!

[Xoxoxooo123]

I have only been able to be real best friends with one guy in my life. He is my rock when I really need some deep advice or just someone to remind me of who I am and steer me straight in my life. He is always there for me even if we are currently unable to see eachtother for awhile because I moved away for school. He's in a relationship and I don't view him as anything more than my BFF but I don't know how it is for him.

I think it's possible but it is SOOOO incredibly rare and hard to find that deep level of connection. he and i both know how lucky we are to have someone who is literally there with ya until the end but yeah. its more common in guys that i am just casual friends with that either i or he feel some level of attraction and than realize we can't be friends XD

[Xoxoxooo123]

also i would like to note that my guy best friend just views me as a little sister of sorts. someone to give shit to, talk to, give advice to, he really is such an amazing friend. i would also like to note that both of us have had to talk about the aspect of the relationship if we ever had feelings and after getting past any attraction we may have shared we were able to base our relationship on something deeper than shallow shit and we were better friends to each other after that. ALSO its more common with me with the other sex to be very casual acquintances with. i don't think it's impossible to be "friends" with a guy like hangout with him in groups and just see him in class or at work or even just talk to him every once in awhile. being acquiantances with the other sex is less invading and you can just talk about other things like sports, work, school, etc. and it doesn't have to be very deep and invading. (where feelings start to be developed )

[ucme3y]

Yeah that is my point:) girls and guys can be good friends and get on real well etc, but they can't (always) be really close and intimate friends!

[Lyndsielee666]

Me and my best friend are still best friends, I've slept at his house, in his bed multiple times and we have never felt any type of way about each other. he's like my brother honestly, maybe because I've helped him out of his drug addiction a few times. I dunno

[cipher42]

So what you're saying is that pansexual and bisexual people straight up can't have best friends? Um, might wanna rethink that. And I realize you recognized that not all people are straight in your take, but it nevertheless implies that pan and bi people can't have best friends. Which I honestly think is pretty dumb.

[JackTyler]

That's the first thing I thought of while reading this

[ucme3y]

Okay um I wrote this from a straight point of view.. Obviously I have no idea what it's like to be pan or bi, or how stuff works when you are either of those.. But I did mention that if one of them was gay, (or pan or bi or whatever) then the friendship could work since the other just won't be able to develop feelings... For example if you were bi and had a girl best friend who is straight then there is no problem to be best friends, but you are bi and have a friend who is also bi then again you could develop feelings for each other and get complicated as I said in my MyTake.. So although I specified in my title that it is generally girls and boys, I guess I should have put two people who may develop feelings for each other- most commonly boys and girls but also bi/pan etc girls and boys... (Sorry if this didn't make sense, the last bit I mean)

[cipher42]

Yes, you did. Look, society essentially ignoring the existence of LGBTQ+ individuals is actually a major issue, and makes for a very inconclusive and sometimes hostile environment for those people. I'm just pointing out that that's what you're doing and that it's not actually okay. I recognize its a mistake, and a very very common one due to the society in which we're raised, but it's nevertheless something worth pointing out. And what if just one person develops feelings for the other? Doesn't that mess things up too? From the way you wrote your take, I would certainly think so, as it's not actually at all certain that both people will develop feelings, and in fact in a lot of cases it's pretty unlikely.

[ucme3y]

But you won't develop feelings for people you know won't be able to love you back becaus of the way they were born.. That's how humans work... And this MyTake was not supposed to become complexed with all of this LGBTQ+ stuff- honestly I didn't mean for it to come off as hostile and inconsiderate for anyone. So I apologise if I offended you. This was just meant to be my opinion about about two people who are CAPABLE of having feelings for each other, and the fact that it is difficult for them to be best friends due to the fact that they might start to like each other. I didn't write this to insult you, and I sure as heck support equal rights for everyone. But please don't make something that was written in an innocent matter into something malicious.

[cipher42]

Not actually true. I have plenty of LGBTQ friends who have struggled with having crushes on straight people of the same gender.

And as I said, I recognize that you didn't intend to give off the idea that you did. Our society is so heteronormative that it's hard to not think that way too. But I nevertheless felt the need to point out that that sort of mindset is incorrect.

[Lioness]

OK, time to get off your LGBT high-horse... go ride in someone else's corral.

[cipher42]

#Lioness: I'm sorry, what's your actual argument here? Just that you don't like what I'm saying so I should shut up? Or maybe that I shouldn't try to point out inequities in our society when I see them? What exactly are you trying to say here?

[confused_girl2001]

I have a close guy friend, and he thinks of me like a sister and I'm really happy about it and I help him with relationship problems and what not and he helps me too it works out great

[ucme3y]

Then you are really lucky, and I wish I could have a guy friend like that

[MarkyyG123]

I agree, there is a 99% chance things will go in the way of feelings and wanting more with 1% maybe even less of it being that its just a friendship, and then too that friendshiip is often only a friendship due to past events that may have occured

[Anonymous]

guys and girls can't be friends were not biologicaly designed for that. We are biologically designed to want to mate or in our case "see" the opposite (or same) sex attractive and you know do the nasty

[ucme3y]

I agree, but I think that as long as it doesn't get too personal and pretty casual then they are fine. I believe you can become good friends and get on well, but being Extremley close and deep with each other is just going to be a nightmare later

[Opinion Owner]

agrreed

[DarkHumorRUs]

I am attracted to all of female friends. That is not to say they are all girlfriend material though. But if any of them asked me out, I'd give it a try.

[Fortres]

I think a big caveat to your rule would be if they explore their sexuality at some early point, realise they aren't compatible, then move forward into being friends.

[rjroy3]

That usually doesn't lead to being best friends, but can lead to being close friends.

[Anonymous]

Bestie is a dude, we're like brother and sister. Gives me advice on dudes and i introduced him to his now fiance, who's also a friend of mine.

[ucme3y]

I'm very happy for you!

[Anonymous]

I'm not necessarily saying you're wrong but My friend has been best friends with a guy for 10 years and has never in any way been into him, and he has never been into her. And she also is friends with another boy who never liked her like that either so I'm 100% sure that they are all straight.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't be friends with a woman. Asking for relationship advice would make me feel like a relationship counselor and not a friend. Plus most guys who are friends with women that are taken are usually the sap (that's never good looking enough or has enough money) who she looks for as a shoulder to lean on when her casa nova isn't meeting her expectations

[ucme3y]

Not necessarily, I mean I think that boys and girls can be friends, just not extremely close friends because feelings can develop... But you are entitled to your own opinion!