You know all of those couples who spam your IG newsfeed of how much fun they had with their hunny at Tim Horton’s? Of course, understandably, anyone would wish they’d be able to enjoy themselves that much while sipping an (often overly watered-down) hot cocoa with someone they love. I felt as though, in light of Valentine's day being just around the corner and all those rocking the single life coming out in brute-force to complain and whatnot, that it wouldn't hurt for someone from the other side to point out what many seem fail to realize as being a facade on the not-so-perfect reality of being in a relationship.
The majority of those pics might’ve been taken right after the couple reconciled or agreed to disagree about something that had left one, if not both of them, in tears as they tossed and turn throughout the majority of the night before.
It could’ve been taken the night before one of them spent the night with another individual in an act of complete betrayal that the other will either have to come to terms with or decide will be the last straw before they completely cut the cord and break up with their s/o.
In a nutshell, what most couples choose to post on social media and broadcast to the public is is a collection of their best moments.
For obvious reasons, they’re not going to bother filtering the shit out of their puffy, tear-stained face before they wiped the snot running from their nose after having just had a fight with their s/o the day before this glorious, IG-worthy sushi roll.
So, as always, make sure to scroll through your IG feed or FB newsfeed and take it all with a grain of alt. Remember it’s more like a snippet of your friend’s relationship ‘highlight reel’ than a snippet of reality.
It’s effortless.
Whoever coined the phrase ‘with the right person, it’s easy,’ was probably about three days into their seventh-grade relationship.
When most were still at that stage where a ‘relationship’ was not much more than literally calling someone your boyfriend/girlfriend. Where making eye contact from across the classroom before averting your gaze in a panic as your eyes met equated to things ‘getting serious’.
Being blissfully unaware that, sooner or later, after puberty actually hit and all, relationships will bring along with them some actual work. Which could come in various forms, be it in having to bite the bullet and bring up how you envision this relationship’s development in the long-run (ie. If you see marriage/kids in the future or not) or putting your pride aside in compromise to resolve each and every argument that will most definitely come up along the journey to whatever your guys’ specific ‘end-goal’ may be.
If they can’t read your mind and know exactly what you want when you want it, it’s not ‘real love’.
Uhh… nope. Wrong wrong wrong.
Unfortunately, the evolution of humans has yet to extend so far that mind-reading has become a reality. Hell, I can guarantee that whether it be about something troubling you (like how you wish that, as a couple, you did more exciting things versus Netflix&chill every weekend), or more serious things like how seeing your s/o doing nothing more than chatting with their friend of the opposite sex- you’re not even so sure yourself if this concern is valid, or just further proof that you’re batshit insane.
If they’re ‘right’ for you, they’ll just know how to love you.
Contrary to popular beliefs, how much someone loves you cannot be quantified based on how many times they’ve shown up at your door with a bouquet of roses or surprised you with a potato+steak dinner prepped just the way you like it when you came home after a rough day at work.
Again, ‘knowing how to love’ is no innate quality where dating is all about finding out whether someone has it or doesn’t.
Not in such a superficial way, at least. If you are too caught up with the idea of someone showing up outside of your bedroom window and blasting a romantic love-song from their boombox (or iPod speakers, I guess) as they seek to smooth things over because your level of being upset is too high for you to be capable of putting work into actually voicing what got under your skin as well as some suggestions as to how this could be resolved.. then you aren’t ready to be in love.
Plain and simple.
Love is all it takes.
Sure, ‘love’ (or the early stages of it’s development) is a great thing to start a relationship at.
Can it be enough to provide a strong and stable foundation on which a relationship can be built on, though?
Not so much, in my opinion. That’s going to require both parties making a conscious effort to honestly communicate about what they want in the future. What they’re happy or not happy with once the ball starts rolling, to name a few.
Which kind of reminds me of something my boyfriend said to me just a few days ago. He said that, after putting in a bit of thought, he’s come realize that he needs to start working on being a ‘better boyfriend’. Which caught me off guard a bit (in a good way), so I asked how he plans on doing that. Naturally, I expected him to say the usual that he’d start surprising me with flowers once in a while, take me out for sushi more often, etc..
…Colour me surprised but it turns out that I’d been the one to take the more superficial route this time! He said he’s going to work on improving himself in ways that he thinks I deserve more of from him as a person. Working on things like being more patient, a better listener, and more empathetic in general.
If any of the above components are missing, the only thing ‘love’ in itself will do is keep you trapped inside of a toxic relationship.
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