Guys, do you actually only want to be with one girl?

[Anonymous]

I know that this could go for girls too, but i'm wondering from a guys persective. I know guys can obviously tell when another girl is more attractive than their girlfriend, but do guys actually only want/like the same girl they've been with for a while, or do they always or sometimes have temptations to do things with other girls even though they say they don't? I know girls could also be held accountable for this too, but i just want a guys intake on this.

[pnl86]

I think most, if not nearly all, guys genuinely want to be with just one girl... but be able to have sex with multiple girls.

The problem is, girls want to be with just one guy... and they conflate "being with" and "sex" ... so, they also just want to have sex with just that one guy that they "are with."

"Why?"

Well, from early childhood beliefs about "what girls should want" (i. e., relationships, marriage), coupled with "how relationships should be" (i. e., monogamous).

So, the young girl rationalizes, "If two people who are in a relationship are inherently sexually involved, and people who are in relationship should not be involved sexually with other people, and relationships and marriage are something I should want as a girl, then I should not want to be sexually involved with anyone else other than the person I'm in a relationship with." (makes sense, not logically, but in terms of early childhood emotional reasoning... the kind that would cement that as a firm life-long belief)

Then, girls "project" their own system of beliefs, rules about life, and the way that they think "onto" men... as if the entire world is supposed to agree or conform to the way she thinks.

After "projection" is complete, girls think, "Well, how can he say he loves me, but still want to have sex with other girls? I mean, that's not how 'I' think, 'I' would never do that, therefore 'he' should never do that."

And that's where the conflict happens.

And guys, rather than engage in years of cognitive behavioral therapy with their female partner, just nod their head and say (outwardly), "Yes Dear, I want to have sex with nobody else but you, and I agree with you in thinking that's it's morally wrong and reprehensible to be in a relationship with one person and yet have sex with other people."

So, there you have it.

[ThisIsAUserNameFact]

My opinion, if you start looking around even accidentally, or get the urge to consider other girls the most respectful thing to do is break up.

Sometimes it's difficult if you really like the girl you're with, but it's the best thing to do. Even if you kick yourself afterwards and everyone calls you a fool, just count yourself lucky, it's better than disrespecting yourself and someone who trusted and respected you.

To answer your question if I start to feel like looking at other girls I wind things down and try to stay friends. Even though it sucks for ages because you left near the peak of the relationship.

[hellionthesage]

I do, though it seems to be out of fashion currently. Its a shame, the fewer the sexual partners the more stable the relationship, which of course is a good thing if you don't like drama (like myself) or want to have a family (like myself). Unfortunatly society is currently in its most decadent state so that is a hard thing to find, a monogomous person that is. One can only hope the back swing will come soon.

[DodgersGM]

Some people are probably gonna roll their eyes at this, but honestly, when I'm with someone I don't think anyone looks better than her. Nobody will look better to me, anyway, and my vote is the only one that counts.

That doesn't mean that there aren't other attractive people in the world, though. Of course there are. But I don't want to be with them at all, and none can hold a candle to the one I like.

[Ihav2fart]

*rolls eyes*

[Fibbett]

Yes. That's nots to say I would hate having sex with other women from time to time, but my relationship with my one girl is the most important thing and I have never felt in love with two people at once. I'm not saying it can't happen, but it hasn't happened to me.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to do things with other people, but I'd still have my favorites. Just like I have favorite foods or music, I have favorite humans that I love and want to be with more often than others. I want a best friend that I'm attracted, to but that doesn't mean I don't have other friends nor that I'm not attracted to anyone else.

I love the idea that there's one or more magical people out there that are so perfectly matched for me because I'm a romantic like that, but the concept of one and only one person forever seems like naivety. On the other hand someone that you always come back to/share everything with sounds more sensible.

[godfatherfan]

Most of the guys I have known only wanted 1 woman. But some are just really shallow and only want immediate gratification. those are the ones that cheat. or constantly move from woman to woman. I actually had one moron say "I would never cheat on my wife. I mean, getting drunk and paying some ho $10 to suck me off doesn't count"...
I just called him a fucking moron and walked away.

[Jay-Are]

Guys will always have temptations. But girls do too.
However temptation does not mean you act upon them or immediately want to be with someone else.
Believe it or not guys can love their girls very deeply. Guys have given literally given their lives for the women they loved. But that is often sadly forgotten.

[ResolutionPictures]

I'd never tell my girlfriend that there's a more attractive Girl somewhere else... I'd always tell her how amazing she looks etc... But I've seen girls say that to guys... It depends Who you're with... Some girls are more likely to cheat than some guys, and some guys are more likely to cheat on some girls,
I for one would never cheat though

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I want nothing more to find a woman who I can spend the rest of my life with living a modest life in happiness. Someone who I can travel the world with, and someone who could always be there for me. Jumping between women just doesn't cost that same type of relationship, and while sexually most guys would like to have more women, once you meet the right woman things change.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Yeah, I agree with this.

However, I just want to make a side-note - just due to the nature of dating today and how things work, most relationships just aren't expected to last, so even as a relationship-oriented person, you have to sort of let go of holding regard for whether a relationship "lasts", at least until you get married, and treat it like, "We are just going to have a good time while it lasts," sort of thing. Basically, let go of worrying about how long a relationship lasts and enjoying it in the present moment.

In fact, that's probably the attitude that gives you the best chances anyway, and really, what else is there to do? It's a form of, "Hope for the best; expect the worst."

[slatyb]

I've been with my girlfriend for going on eight years now. Yes, I have thoughts of other women but I don't start anything because I'm really happy with my girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and I'm lucky to have her.

[Anonymous]

I feel attraction to others but genuinely like the idea of one partner where we satiate each others needs.

It's a choice but one I want.

That said a lot of people think monogamy is just a 'we won't cheat and make each other jealous' pact when the even more important part is 'I want to meet all your needs and am thrilled to have the opportunity to do so'