Can he just forget about me overnight?

My ex & I lived together for about 7 months. Things were serious between us, he'd been there for me & my family when my dad died, I'd been pregnant & had a miscarriage, we were trying to have another baby & he constantly asked me to marry him. We were always doing things together. We took several weekend trips, went to concerts, fished all summer, & had the best Sundays ever. We got up early, went to church, ate at our favorite Chinese restaurant, then went shopping at Walmart...I know, kinda lame.

I'm 7 years older than him and had been married for 12 years before I met him. He has never been married and outside of living with me and one other girl when he was 20, has lived with his parents all of his life. We had problems, as any couple does but we still loved each other. I told him I wanted him to move out in September and he didn't argue. The breakup was entirely my decision (involving issues with my ex-husband) but my ex-bf didn't fight the idea of us breaking up.

When he came to pick up his stuff, I cried and we talked about it being for the best and it would give us time and space to work on our relationship to make it better. Everyday since he left, he's texted me and told me he loves me. He said he never wanted to lose me out of his life completely and he would always be there for me. He wanted us to always be "friends". Well, during those months, he never put any effort into making our "relationship" better but he wouldn't let me go either. He'd always give me just enough to keep me holding on. Even though I initiated the breakup, I almost instantly regretted it and wanted to get back together but he didn't.

A couple weeks ago, he found out that I'd been talking to my ex-husband and we were trying to work things out. We had one last, big fight and it really felt over. He called my best friend to tell her he'd always been in love with her (they dated before he and I did). She and I are both pretty sure he was drunk at the time and just did it to hurt me.

Now, he's dating another girl and it seems like he's trying to duplicate the life he and I had with her. Of course, since he and I aren't on speaking terms, you may be wondering how I know this...Facebook, of course. I know the healthy thing would be not to look at it a hundred times a day but that's something I'm working on. Within a matter of days, he's gone from telling me he "truly" loves me to "being in a relationship" with her and using the same sappy nicknames and saying the same things he used to say to me. He even went to church with her and her family last night.

In my heart, I know this is probably just jealousy and he could sincerely be happy with her but it's driving me crazy. How can you go through what we did and tell someone everyday that you love them and within a matter of days, be head over heels in love with someone else?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Emotions don't have a set script, and we can't know if he's buried his feelings for you in order to have entered the relationship he's now in. But he has entered a serious relationship, from what you say here.

    And it sounds to me like you need to deeply and thoroughly grieve this loss and not prolong the agony or pain by visiting his Facebook page for his status and news updates. To me, it is totally understandable that you are doing this--I think A LOT OF US would do the same thing if in your shoes, but it clearly isn't serving you emotionally or spiritually.

    You ended it with him. He may have thought he could be friends, but realised that this was not possible and that he really needed to move on. So please work toward acceptance of what has happened. And do this by blocking your ability to even see his Facebook page, if you aren't sure you can willingly just stop visiting it. He's entitled to move on, and have happiness, as are you. He gets to post stuff on his Facebook page, as that's what most people do!

    But you going there is, in my view, VERY unhealthy and not good for you, which you also acknowledge. So figure out how to have a week-long if not months-long barrier between his fb page and your eyes. However you can manage it. Stop salting your wound and keeping your heart bleeding sadness and regret. Heal from this and be in better shape for whatever the future holds for you. This pain will ease in time, but going to his fb page over and over will drag this healing process out indefinitely and make your heart more scarred and tight.

    He could have fallen in love. That's the truth of it. And he also might discover down the road that he has some unfinished emotional work to do, by himself, about his past with you. Do your best to not "hope for a future with him", as that, too, will only block your grief and keep you from fully healing. Good luck to you!

    • Report

      yes you are right ,visiting his face book page is completely unhealthy,coz I have done this before,i even created a fake account on the dating site where we met ,and talk to him daily,but I just did that to find a reason to hate him ,but it's not true at all.