I'm black and my ex who's white dropped the "N" bomb, what to do?

It wasn't toward me or even in a derogatory sense, but I called him out about it and told him off but he was so unapologetic, claiming that white people say it all the time and he only meant that the people he was talking about are dumb or something.

I told him it was inappropriate to say that to me at all and he still just made excuses... I've had nothing but white boyfriends and one of them did slip up and say it and needless to say I'm no longer with him.

My white friends who I've talked to about it say tell me that they have said it in that sense of the matter but it isn't a regular part of their vocabulary and that he's the biggest idiot ever. It hurts my heart and my pride to think I was in love with him at one point but that's a whole other story.

Pretty much, I just want peoples opinions. I'm deleting him from my Facebook and MySpace but should I send him a message first saying the above statements? Should I just leave it alone and let him revel in his own confusion? Please answer honestly.

I'm not looking for a new way to reprimand those who are racist because I know he isn't racist and I just wouldn't waste my time. I'm just asking peoples opinions on what they think of the situation. He was my EX before this was said we didn't just break
up because this was said. I deleted him and he sent me some ANGRY messages, what's up with that? Maybe he doesn't get it...?
Thanks everyone for your honest answers, it gives me a better perspective on things.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should just move on you say he's an ex? Well then forget about him. He obviously doesn't respect you. I can't stand when people drop the and bomb. Regardless of race you're either racist or trying to be cool. A lot of people make racist jokes just because there funny most people won't get too upset. But then you have actual racists who really treat other people differently because there skin is different and they are the lowest scum ever. The fact that these people were raised to treat other human beings like that is disgusting to me.

    Wow this ended up a rant and with no direction whatsoever my bad lol

    • Lol, its ok thank you.

    • Show All
    • This is deep

    • ^^lol I was raised to treat everyone the same. Whether they are Black, Purple, Gay or some kind of combination of both. It really bothers me to see someone treat someone else like trash because they are different.

What Guys Said 32

  • You're black. He drops the N bomb to your face. AND he refuses to apologize. Just how much does he respect you?

    Get him out your life. If he asks why tell him, and tell him you're not on speaking terms until he gets his head right.

  • He may not be racist in the sense that he thinks one person is better than another because of their race, but he's insensitive to say the least.

    I never use the "n" word. I'm not condemning those who do, but there's nothing that needs to be said that can't be expressed without it, and I know some people find it offensive.

    Even if this were about some totally innocuous word, he knows you find it hurtful or offensive, that should be enough.

  • ok look...i use the word nigga alllllll the time and by my pic you can tell I'm white...do I say it to my black friends, YES, the ones I am very close to tho and I know they don't care...to other black people that I don't know or don't know well...hell no I would never

    the way I use it is not derogitory its like instead of what up homie its yo what up nigga...just some stupid thing its really meaningless...i mean black people say yo what up nigga all the time, its not like anyones trying to say you're a slave and you don't deserve sh*t...i mean its 2010 here...come on...honestly

    now he should RESPECT you enough, to understand that you aren't comfortable with him saying it...if it slips now and then fine, if it continues then get outta there...i mean in reality its HOW you use the word in a sentance that makes that word...

    ex: "damn that was a bitch" - something that was hard and couldn't get done easily

    "damn that girls a bitch" - something derogitive and hurtful

    see what I'm saying...

    ex: "yo what up nigga'

    :youre a nigg3r"

    those two are completely different and come out differently...

    basically what I'm trying to say is talk to him and tell him to respect the fact you don't like to hear him saying it...and if he keesp it up get him outta ur life...best of luck

    • Its sad that they take that in the ass and don't say anything tsk very sad.

  • Just don't contact him anymore. He is an idiot and you are not going to change him with just a message. Leave it be.

    • Thanks, I don't intend on changing him, maybe more just trying to make him realize what an idiot he'd been and maybe what other people think of what he has to say... but I'd rather not let him know it bothered me THAT much..

  • I miss read a couple of things. Which a couple of people pointed out. The facts have changed so my input changes also.

    I don't think you should leave him. Like I said before, I have a friend who went off on me and tried to see how much he really meant his kind words. He called me a NIGGER 'cause he essential thought I was being IGNORANT, quote on quote. So I can see where some people don't use it in a racial way, they associate it with another definition. NIGGER = IGNORANT. However, if he claims you were unfit to live, and must die. Then I deem him racist.

    The choice is essential yours, I don't want everyone thinking NIGGER (BAD). I say we except it, and change the definition of the word and move on. If it became socially acceptable, people would use it less. But their is a history behind, so I'm not saying tear down the walls and pretend it never happened.

    I give it 50 more years. Lol =)

More from Guys

What Girls Said 18

  • I'm a white girl who dates black men. I would never in a general conversation use that word as in general it disgusts me to no end. However many times while having sex with the bf's they have used it on me in a sexual way and have requesting I call them that plus some other things while we are going at it. I consider this something they like to do in fun, but never in the real world would I or them use it.

  • forget the guy. he's such a jerk. I am a halfie, but still if anyone says anything rude about my Asian part, I'll will confront them on it right away. one of my ex boyfriends was like that too. p*ssed me off so much. He's garbage.

  • I think just move on .. My ex boyfriend who was white dropped the N word to but I didn't care as much because it wasn't toward me. But still he should have said sorry didn't mean to affend you but ya move on.

  • hmm well I think he was using it in the nword= ignorant/stupid or whatever.

    annd that's not a bigdeal

    hmmm I don't think I'd care if my dudee said it

    as long as he's not saying it in a way to offend me

    other then that I have white friends and we say it all the time

    not talking about black people or any race we just say it about people who think are ignorant

    soooo basically I'm saying I don't think its abig deal :PP but that's me

    some people take offence to it

    but again dude he's an ex

    who gives two shats about him

    move on love :DDD

  • N bomb being nigga? Nah I don't agree with that. I don't stand for racism (im white) and nigga is a derogetory word. Although I do believe saying ba ba black sheep isn't racist and that its just political correctness gone wild, I do not like the word nigga.

More from Girls