Should I be worried if my boyfriend introduces me to his family as his friend?

my boyfriend of 6 months is a great guy, but very shy and not very good at expressing his feelings.

When we started dating we both agreed to keep things quiet for awhile until our families could get used to the idea.

My family has issues with me dating anyone because they think it will take time away from being with them and his family has had a history of not liking his girl friends or wives in the past ( though given the way his exes treated him I can't really blame his family for not liking them). There is also a 20 years age

difference. I'm in my 30's. He I in his 50's.

I told my family about 2 months ago and though there have been some bumps, all in all it went better than I expected.

I thought he might follow suit and then tell his family, but he hasn't yet. He still tells them we are friends if they ask. Though some of them have figured it out on their own.

I have been to 2 of his family functions in the past month. One at his request. The other at the request of one of his relatives (our families have been friend for years).

at The one he asked me to, he hardly spoke to me and kept to himself all day. At the other one, I chose to help his Mom in the kitchen and so on while he was outside ... At the meal he sat next to me and talked and to me most the evening.

What is up with that ?

I know he wants their approval and so do I.

At the BBQ a lady asked who I was there

"with". I didn't know how to answer. He just sat there and didn't say anything, but I could tell he was waiting to see how I would respond. He looked like he was holding his breath. His whole family was standing there. I just blurted out "myself". She kept pushing and said "yes dear, but who are you with?". A

relative of his who knows about us then spoke up and said " she is a close family friend".

My boyfriend never said how he felt about me telling my family. And he got a little jumpy a few months back when he thought I had told someone where I work. We live in a small town and if one person knows -everyone knows.

I know he is nervous.

So am I.

I just wonder if he will ever tell people about us.

am I being to impatient?

worrying about nothing?

or is this a bad sign?

he swears he loves me and never wants to leave me.

it's very hard because he is hard to get to

open up and talk. He don't always answer when I ask things.

He was the one who started things between us to begin with. He is the one who asked to be girlfriend / boyfriend.

what should I do?

any insight or suggestions you could offer would be very helpful.

thanks

 

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What Girls Said 3

What Guys Said 3

  • Selected as most helpful

    There is a line where"shyness" and fear of family stops being those things and starts becoming something completely different.


    A "shy" man may not take you to meet his family or may have difficulties showing affection in public . A man concerned about the reaction of his family and friends to a new and somewhat unbalanced ( in terms of age) relationship would not ask you to events where his close friends and family could meet you socially. This guy doesn't seem to be having those sorts of problems - he just doesn't wnat anyone to know he's dating you!


    The point where a new relationship stops being just dating and a couple starts being a couple in public varies for everyone - and possibly you caught him off guard when you chose to "out" the relationship to your family.


    However his reluctance to even acknowledge you publicly when you are already known to his family ( albeit in a different role) rings alarm bells for me. Either he has a number of deep seated issues that are going to have a major effect on any relationship he has or he is simply enjoying dating you but doesn't wnat a relationship with you . Very few men of his age would turn down sex with a woman so much younger than themselves but that dosen't mean they want a commited relationship with her.


    I'm afraid the "shyness" thing only goes so far - if he can't/won't talk to you about it then you need to move on - either hes' so emotionally crippled he can't discuss this or so morally bankrupt he is just using you for some fun - whichever the reason you don't need someone like this guy in your life.

    • Believe me. I've though about the family thing a lot. But how can I be mad at him for not telling his family when I was guilty o the same thing?

      I didn't tell mine for 4 months. Family is a big part of ot our lives.

      He just lost his dad a few months ago and I don't think he wants to shake things up.

      having said that. I still worry.

      you didn't say anything I haven't said to myself. Except , he's not morally bankrupt. And he acts respectful to me.

      I think fear is a big factor here. For both of us

  • I have to say - if it were me in such a relationship, I'd be unhappy. Just as someone below said: he isn't shy to have sex with you. I'd even think he is disrespectful of you. If I were you I'd cool it off with him a bit: I would ask him to be true to the face he presents in the public, and transfer your relationship into friendship zone. No sex, no touching whatsoever. You might find that it even gives your relationship a certain amount of honesty: You truly will be his friend, and there will be nothing he should be feeling uncomfortable about, no need to hold his breath and be nervous. I think you are actually being very patient, playing along compliantly in this complicated game between him and his family. I think you do have something to worry about.

  • you SHOULD be worried. If you are his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend then he should introduce you as his girlfriend. you aren't his friend so why introduce you as his friend? I don't buy that shy sh*t...sorry but he isn't shy enough to be your boyfriend and have sex with you so he can't be that shy. he is in his 50s he's not a child lol. I would have a problem with it and ask him why he didn't introduce you as his girlfriend, if that is in fact what you are. he is a grown man he shouldnt be so scared of his family if that's even the reason

  • Nothing to worry about. He is shy and nervous. When the family accepts you, he'll be more comfortable.

  • You are being impatient ; I would go under the guize of being friends and let people pass their own judgement over time. They will figure it out. It shouldn't bother you.

  • Yup. He's doing that for feedback. He clearly wonders if you will live up to the standards or whatever that his family would want for him. So if aunt Lisa and Granny like you, and tell his parents that you two should date, then next time he will introduce you as a couple.

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