Is it normal to have doubts entering a new relationship?

[hunnybunny81105]

I've only had one boyfriend for 5 years and we broke up. Anyways, I was dating someone for 5 months and I really like him. He makes me laugh, we're so compatible, and he's handsome and he has his stuff together...he likes doing adventurous stuff and brings that side of me out.

He finally asked me to be his girlfriend and I said "yes". I felt like we have gotten closer and that my feelings grew. I even still wanted him when I saw him with the worst hangover ever throwing up many times and a beard for the first time. If it were a few months ago I would have been disgusted.

Anyways I woke up not too long ago and recently I started having doubts and fears on my new relationship. I constantly wonder now how long we'll last and if he's the one for me. I was always happy and carefree with him but now when I'm with him these thoughts are inside my head.

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't want to break up though.

[Kittie]

It's just an anxiety that appears probably because your experience of your previous breakup. Your mind is trying to be cautious as a defense mechanism against unexpected pain, rejection, or disappointment. However keep your head in check that it's -not- a vision or intuition. There's a line between being cautious and being too worried.

These fears are based on possibilities but there is a higher chance logically that the relationship won't result in a downfall. In life you really can't expect to have or what is a good or bad consequence, so don't be attached to everything being the same forever nor will change dramatically. Just enjoy being in the moment. There are more good memories with your boyfriend and -more- to come.

[hunnybunny81105]

How can I make it go away? =( I feel terrible feeling this way...I thought being in a relationship was suppose to be the in the infatuation happy phase lol...

[Kittie]

Actually trying to get into a relationship and finally achieving it is the magical part. Continuing the relationship is harder. What I learned from my relationship, since I was little I somehow thought love will always stay the same, but it doesn't. The magic might go away, but it doesn't mean you have to break up. It just happens because you grow comfortable or need to find other things to spark the magic. I can't really say what can cure it because everyone reaches their own conclusion and

[Kittie]

security. My epiphany was that just because you don't -feel- in love today doesn't mean it goes away forever, it might be just that day or stress making me feel down so it was hard to focus on my relationships. A big part why you feel guilty is that you're expecting and comparing that you're suppose to be happy because nothing is deemed "wrong" Don't be, you're just scared. Try talking it over or read articles that can motivates you to be happy with yourself and the relationship.

[hunnybunny81105]

That's interesting way to put it...getting the relationship is easy but continuing is hard. It's definitely different from my last and I'm getting a lot of what I never had. I hope this feeling doesn't last. All I know is I don't want to break up. I wish I could stop worrying and enjoy the moment.

[Kittie]

It might be ongoing for a long time, I still have it and I have everything ha ha! I call mine "abandonment issues" It helps when you define your key problems to find articles to overcome your fears. A big impact for your logical side that is being irrational is that worrying is a waste of time. If you cannot know the results of the future, just enjoy what you have. You can only take upon a task -if- it happens! Some people still continue what they do even knowing that they are going to die soon.

[toulouse]

Why don't you stay with him, until you know you are certain you do not want to be with him?

i do not understand why you are worried. yore just dating, its not like you are married. you are free. if it does not work- then leave. but how would you know without trying. why would you be worried unless you actually wanted to be with him.

you are being melo-dramtic imo. unless you know you do not want to be with him, why would you leave?

[dx021]

meh some people see any kind of closeness as meaning something. I know in the rare case I am willing to commit, I don't get close to a girl if things might end.

[toulouse]

you can't predict anything will last or end. world could blow up. you could go crazy. she could be hit by a car. no point in being in something today, that hurts you, or wastes your time, because you like the 'idea' it will last.

anyways with closeness like someone raping you.. you would be better off alone..getting acquainted with yourself.

there is no reason to look for someone who will be a sh*t. pointless.

[toulouse]

lolol sorry. WRONG post.

i still don't see what your answer has to do with her worry. she's not promising anything by being with him. sh*t happens. no one can control that. enjoy what youve got, now.

[Dawn_Is_the_Enemy]

I had those things come to me when I was dating my last girlfriend. One thing you could do is. Just enjoy the little things he does for you. Even if you guys don't end up being together. Just be happy with things now, And don't regret anything. Because at one point; it was exactly what you wanted.