Benefits of having an ugly boyfriend?

I really like this guy, he is not at all like my previous boyfriends. He wants to be in a relationship with me but for some reason I feel like I can do better. He is such a great guy but but he is not at all good looking. kinda ugly. I think what I need is for someone to convince me to do it beause all my friends keep telling me "you can do soo much better"

so what are some benefits in being a lot more attractive then your boyfriend?


Most Helpful Guy

  • This makes me chuckle a little. I can recall from my own experience a time when I could have fit that description of being kind of ugly. What were the problems? Bad haircut, indifferent to clothing styles, and not hitting the gym. And I recall being treated poorly by the ladies, with the exception of a couple of girls who were dating my friends.(Not surprisingly they ended up marrying those same friends.)

    Down the road I felt motivated, got a better haircut, picked up some more stylish threads, and thew on about 15 lbs. of muscle. Naturally women started treating me a lot better. I wasn't a more valuable or better person, but I guess I looked that way to women.

    And that's why it makes me chuckle. Unless this guy is suffering from some serious bone alignment deformities, the difference between how he looks now and how he'd look if he was devoted to looking his best could be substantial.

    Despite the buzz that opposites attract, the truth is that like attracts like. People match up best, and most often, in relationships where appearance, intelligence, values, education, and interests align.

    What's happening with you is that some portion of those similarities is there, whether it be beliefs, intelligence, values, interests, or something else, but those things are all of a lesser value in your mind than his appearance. As for the benefits, well, that's a tough one to provide because the things he might provide - stability, love, concern, etc. don't seem to be as important to you (or your "friends") as the appearance. Given that you'll probably feel more comfortable dating someone else.


What Guys Said 21

  • He actually will appreciate you.

    your friends say "you can do soo much better" what do they mean.

    looks? is he dumb? is he poor? is he jobless? is he and asshole? does he like to skin kittens?

    how does he compare to their boyfriends? whoops don't go there then you'll be like every other woman your age!

    dont compare him. figure out what is important to YOU and make a decision.

    I mean you could date the hottest guy in the world and he can be a huge asshole.

    I've met some ugly people. I am ugly. but believe it or not sometimes the ugliest people have the cutest babies. besides would you rather have your kids be gorgeous or healthy, wealthy, and kind? which one of those are you really willing to risk?

  • Well they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. At least for me if I am really loving a girl her appearance gets better in my eyes. If you think you are so much more attractive than him you will treat the relationship like a favor for him, or an opportunity to get favors for you. He will no doubt grow to resent this and hopefully either dump you or let you push him around and then you will cheat on him or dump him but you'll wait till you got another guy locked down. Certainly men have the reputation for being the crueler sex but multiple posts about the "benefits of ugly boyfriends" makes me wonder

  • I praise you for at least considering to date him... There is absolutely no benefits to dating an ugly guy OR a hot guy... The ONLY difference is what you see in them.

    I am an attractive and well-built guy. I dated a not-so-perfect girl and ended up falling in love with her... (she ended up breaking my heart because she is 5 years older than me and thought it wouldn't work in the long-run). The problem I had was that since she wasn't super attractive, I'd find myself looking at other woman and thinking of what it would be like to be with them instead; Nonetheless I Had fallen in love with this girl because of who she was. I could have stayed with her a long time if she wasn't so pessimistic about the future... MY love for her always FAR outweighed my thoughts for other woman...

    I did it and that girl was the best Girlfriend I have ever had. If you are anything like me, then go for it.

    I would suggest not to date him if you have poor self control. Lust is VERY powerful, and if in the future you felt attracted to some very attractive guy, you might end up causing a LOT of pain and heartache. If you think you'd never cheat, then I'd say GO FOR IT!

  • You probably made your decision by now to date him or not but I just had to say that this dude shouldn't date you. If you can't date a "great guy" because your friends tease you about him or he isn't pretty enough then you are really immature and probably have low self esteem too. Do the dude a favor and reject him if you haven't already because if you get into a relationship with him with the attitude that you "can do so much better" then that will suck for him.

    Us dudes are supposed to be the shallow ones and my ex girlfriend was probably considered by all of my friends and family as unattractive (plus the fact that she was black and none of them would've dated a black girl) and I not only dated her but I kind of fell for her, and I didn't give a shit what my friends thought

    • Cool

    • I hate how this guy [Camilus] thinks that you're such a horrible person just because you're hesitant to date a guy because you're not physically attracted to him. Of course there are more important things in people than looks but looks should be part of the reason to date someone or not. Why not have this guy as just a friend?

  • Looks matter. To a degree. Less so for guys.

    But if you're super hot and he's just OK or even 'ugly' then there is a problem. The good news is that 'ugly' is different for guys and girls. For most guys, a commitment to improving your look can be done. Bulk up on muscle, change your haircut, get contacts, get a style consultant. All these things can make 99% of the guys "good looking". A guy's attractiveness is also related to his social value - that is, how dominant is he? Is he leading, commanding, resourceful? Can he make friends easily? Does he know how to treat a girl when she feels certain emotions? All these add to his "attraction value". If the differential of your attractiveness values is too high, eventually the opportunity cost will be too great for you and you will find a better guy.

    Thus, long story short, it sounds like, from the tone of your question that you need to tell him to shape up or he may lose you to a 'better' guy. Keep in mind that 'better' for women isn't always looks related. Its his whole persona and the way he moves through life. Cheers.


  • On the flip side of the coin, I'm not an ugly guy and honestly I prefer dating the 4 and 5's versus the 10's. I understand people need to be attracted to each other, but really at the end of the day. It's up to you to determine what you want. Maybe you can do better, but what essentially is better? Say you date a hot guy who is a total 10, only thing is, he turns out to be a manwhore and a total douche. Personality is where it's at. A lot of people won't agree, but my experiences have always been great with people who are considered 4's and 5's by the vain and shallow. These often overlooked women have been nothing but nice and kind and wonderful people. Everyone of them felt like they were not good enough for me and I hated that because it was not true one bit. If anything I'm proud to have given them the confidence they needed to go out and find true happiness for themselves. I've dated a few really hot women and the weird thing is, they all had so many mental issues and complexities that it was a turn-off. I actually once had a woman on a dinner date tell me I was lucky to be with her. My response was simple. I'm lucky because I drove here. My luck and your has run out and I left. The moral of the story. Evaluate what you consider important to you in life and love. You'll be a happier person in the long run.

    • Jbone79 You always tend to give the right kind of answer.

    • Thank you Blankname1. I'm not reinventing the wheel or anything, I just try to apply critical thinking skills as best I can. We would find a lot more joy in our existence if we spent more time thinking about our choices instead of impulsive reaction dictating our direction.

  • Well, you won't have to worry about him ever cheating on you. He'll probably cherish you in ways that no one else will. If he is as ugly as you describe him, then you have probably made him a very happy man and has probably already fallen in love with you. Like other people have stated, looks do make a good portion of being in a relationship, but you have to determine if looks are more important. You might miss out on one hell of a guy just because he's "ugly", regret letting him go, and find out that some other woman snagged him up.

  • First is your boyfriend charming, funny, nice, and respectful to you? Does he give you attention and affection, and does he like to spend time with you? Is he intelligent and interesting to talk to?

    If so then keep him, because these qualities are rare to find.

  • Perhaps the better question is, "Does this guy deserve you"? The moment you started thinking your "better" than him, is the moment he became better than you in terms of maturity and personality. I'd think about that if I were you.

    Your free to date who you want, but just bear this in mind, the more you date only those you "attract you physically", the more you'll be reducing your chances of finding someone genuine and better for you.

  • attraction will fade over the years and the guy like this guy who appreciates you will stick by you as you age...he will be your rock in times when you need support and will show you appreciation and love for giving him the opportunity to be in your life on that level. if you like him that is all that matters and your friends are probably just looking at the wrong things...did things work out with your previous boyfriends? obviously not so why not try something different and you might like it...and I bet that you will grow more attracted to ths so called ugly guy for being genuinely interested in you...i am also guessing that he likes you for you and most guys will like you for one thing and you being a woman hopefully understand what that is. tell the guy that you want to go out to dinner and be open to it and have fun. but when you go out you need to commit secretly to yourself to give this guy several dates to show you what he has to offer since the first date will be really nervous for him and you don't want to jump to any conclusions based on the thoughts that your friends have brainwashed you into thinking

    please go answer my last question and give me your opinion

  • You obviously aren't attracted to him. Attraction is very important in a relationship so its obviously not going to last. You should cut this guy loose before he gets attached to you and gets hurt through no fault of his own. You aren't being fair to him and odds are he will find someone else who does find him attractive.

    An ugly boyfriend is no guarantee of security. In fact I would say he is more likely to cheat because if you aren't attracted to him he will know it and seek what he doesn't get from you from someone else.

  • only you can decide what makes YOU happy. don't let people who THINK they know what's good for you run your life. you and ONLY you can ever know what's good for you.

    on another note, I have been the guy a lot of women refered to as a "just good freinds" and have had to listen to women as they go and day a "hunk" only to be knocked up, beated, and abandoned by this so called "hunk." and now that's she's avaialble again, and sees me in a diffferent light, she made moves on me.but now I think of HEr as Just A good friend! I just don't wanna date a woman with that much baggage!

  • I wonder how people might have responded if a guy asked about dumping his girlfriend cause she was kinda ugly, and he wanted to do better.

    I think this guy's better off without you. If he knew what you said about him, and he had any dignity, he'd have dumped you.

  • I bet that's what girls say about me.

  • lol ugly guy would have the benefits of never cheating on you because he'll never find another girl like u, treat you with respect, as long as he's not insecure then you should be cool ugly or not he's still a good guy give chance who cares what ur friends say their not the ones dating him you are make ur own decision don't let people make them for u

  • if you are interested in him and want to be his girlfriend then go for it! because it shouldn't matter what others think of him or you.the relationship is between "A" and "B" and nothing more.if you just with him and not sure about it then you should stop cause you might end up hurting the guys feelings.may be so you can do "so much better" but look at the pros and cons too.let you friends deal with it.there's always someone for everyone.whether you are missing a limb, wheelchair, has some disorder everyone has one for long as your happy nothing else should matter.

  • Yeah I have opposite problem, this good looking girl that lives quite near to me and I met her in the internet like 2 years ago and became friends, and a while ago she said that she likes me and asked me out for a date, but I feel like she's way too good looking for me since I personally am nothing special, and I'm not wealthy either so money is not what she's after, first time she asked me out I said that she's too good looking and she could do better, but then she said that she likes me because I'm fun and I like her too because she's nice and makes me happy but it just makes me feel bad because I'm like homer simpson compared to marge simpson(not really but something like that), I also don't know if she's just joking and wants to just hurt my feelings.

    but if you think about the benefits of having less attractive boyfriend, well... as a "not too attractive" guy I can say that he wontbe able to cheat you, or at least I have that problem, its hard to get to known to new girls cause they always judge you by looks when they see you for the first time.

    anyways, there are benefits for girls to have an ugly boyfriend but there is no single benefit for a guy to have a very good looking girlfriend, its just a fact that good looking people are more self centered and shallow than normal or ugly people.

  • Well, you probably don't have to worry about him cheating on you, because you feel like you can do better and he should feel like he's hit the jackpot. You won't have to worry about your female friends trying to stick their hands in your cookie jar, because if you barely want him physically they won't either.

    But truthfully if you don't find yourself physically attracted to the guy and you feel deep down that you can do better, then why don't you? Odds are you're going to ind up leaving this guy because of what your friends think.

  • This is what I imagine girls say about me a lot LOL seems like the story of my life

  • Being as I am more often than not "that guy" that you refer to in your post. In all honestly... Your initial reservations about his looks, mean you don't like him as potential boyfriend/lover/relationship/marriage material (whatever it is your looking for)... Even if there are qualities he possesses that you would like to have in a more attractive package, he is not attractive to you. You obviously feel you can "do better". You cannot make yourself like/love somebody your not attracted to either, or you'll be miserable, and that's not being fair to yourself. Leave him be. He deserves to find a women that won't constantly be thinking she can do better than "him". Who knows, you just might find a good looking guy, that you will be happy with...


What Girls Said 20

  • his loyalty, a confidence boost for him and yourself as he is going to praise you and look at you with such eyes you can only imagine.

    his looks will get better every day as you get more into his personality.

    people's jaws will drop as the beauty and the beast are truly HAPPY together DESPITE other people's perceptions on what could happen.

    The learning of humility as you realize the other person is truly more beautiful than you, and then you learning how to make your insides match your outsides because it is what he deserves.

    The ability to experiment - afterall looks can be drastically changed with a haircut, a new style or cut of suit, posture and the like and confidence. YOU will bethe confidence booster, and the other little suggestions he may just take up inorder to keep a "catch like yourself."

    Afterall, you might be able to do initially better in the look department, but they probably know they are a good comodity and aren't going to be doing all the little things to keep you that the more comely fish will to keep your interest. In the long run, he will deserve you much much more because he is WORKING for you.

  • LOL. "You can do better" is a line that has always baffled me as far as looks go. You can do better if you're dating a guy that is a total jerk, flaky or an outright douchbag, but that phrase in regards of looks is only reserved for people who havn't grown up enough to know that looks fade with age and attitude. I've dated some great looking guys but that's all they had going for them. Dating them never made me happy or feel loved or wanted they were complete tools who treated me and most girls like crap. If you really like this guy then you shouldn't be worried about petty things like how he looks compared to other guys, because I guareentee that the longer you know him, and if he's as good of a guy as you say he is, then he will get more attractive with time. I'm not telling you to date this guy or not, because if you're hung up with his looks then you're probably not going to treat him as good as he deserves. Take a minute and figure out what's more important to you a good guy that treats you like you deserve or a good looking guy that treats you like last nights left overs.


    Having an ugly boyfriend isn't a guaruntee of security in a relationship, but I guess it means he won't be likely to cheat on you, but the flip side is that you won't enjoy doing things as much. If he's ugly to you, the chemistry will be minimal, and that will ultimately hurt your relationship. If it's something you can overlook, great, if not, please don't live a lie to yourself or him because you'll both wind up hurt as a result!

  • that's mean.

    if you think he's ugly, then why are you going out with him?

    further more, why embarrass him if he finds out that you wrote this somehow?

    and also physical attraction is pretty important

    so I mean

    i hate how you are weighting in the benefits of this as you compromise this guy's great personality for his lack of physical appearance?

    i really don't know where to start but

    why do you think you are so much better than this guy? just because of looks? if that's fact, then it shows how empty you are emotionally. sorry

  • To you, your boyfriend is beautiful in ways that other people are too ignorant and stubborn to find out. Not everything is about looks, ya know. Ignore what your friends say, they don't love him the way you love him. Would you look at their boyfriends and say "you can do better", even though you have never dated their dudes once in your life? Tell them they can suck it, because its the way he makes YOU feel that matters, not the way he makes THEM feel. Good luck.

  • The only advise or the only suggestion I can make is to be with him ONLY if you are romantically attracted to him and like him more than a friend. I tell you this because sometimes, we come across great guys that we feel a connection to, but it's not necessarily love or romance. To tell you the truth (I may be wrong about this,) I think you probably only see him as a really close and cool friend because the fact that your even asking this question shows you have doubts of being with him. I for example, was in the same situation as you not so long ago. There was this guy that had an amazing personality, but wasn't too good looking. He was really interested in me so I said to myself, "why not, take a chance," but I wasn't too sure about my feelings for him. It turned out that my feelings for him weren't really on the lovey-dovey, romantic, boyfriend-girlfriend side; it was just that we got along well and had fun. If you are doubting yourself at all, just don't do it. You will end up wishing you had done things differently (been there, done that lol). If you are 100% sure though, then you go right ahead. Like the other girls said before me, looks aren't everything and if this guy makes you happy, then don't let anyone stop you from being with him.

  • Not so many girls will hit on him. He may feel like you are a prize.

  • Well for starters you shouldn't be going out with someone for their looks, there has to be a connection. Your friends don't have to go out with him, so really I wouldn't take their advice, if you feel something for this guy then go for it, if not don't string him along because you will hurt him. I don't think asking what the benefitsof having a less attractive boyfriend are relevant really, because someone will find him attractive.

  • Benefits are that he's a great guy which is usually hard to find and he wants to be in a relationship with you which at least means he knows what he wants, which a lot of them don't seem to.. and its not all about the looks.

    But when it comes down to it none of that matters if you can't see yourself with him. Can you imagine being with him out and about and feeling ok? What about kissing and touching and further? If you can't see yourself in a relationship with him and have to try and get answers from other people to convince yourself, maybe its not such a good idea.

  • My advice is if you are not physically attracted to him then don't date him. To answer your question though it means that your boyfriend will probably not f*** around with other girls due to your advantage in the aesthetics disparity. If you're both attracted to each other physically and mentally though I don't see it being much of an issue at all.

  • People will look at you guys like Beauty and the Best and he wouldn't have a lot of options to cheat.

    Think about if you were the ugly one and you met some model hot guy. How would you feel if he thought he could do better than you and be glad you wouldn't cheat since you were so ugly?

    I've dated 2 ugly guys and from my experience they treat you like a princess in the begining but they start to get cocky real soon. They figured if they could get 1 pretty girl they can have them all. Also if you date someone who's looks you're unsatisfied with it that carries over and you'll start to resent him.

    • Omg ik this is forever ago this was answered but it's dead on this has happened to me- I dated an ugly guy and he treated me SO good at first and then just turned into a huge douche, and thought that well oh I can get her so I bet I could get anyone and he turned into the most cocky guy ever!!

  • I can tell you now from experience that being a lot more attractive than your boyfriend won't guarantee that he won't cheat on you. Some ugly guys can be jerks and players too, go figure. But if we're stereotyping looks here though, you could say that a lot of less attractive guys are really nice and know how to treat a girl because they respect you and appreciate having you. They don't have big egos and heads about themselves to the point where they don't really care if they lose you because they think they can find someone else in a heartbeat to fill your shoes.

    As long as you feel chemistry or an attraction between you and him, what does it matter that he is not good looking? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..."

  • What a shallow question!

    I may offend you here, but honestly, if you're so worried about this guys appearance. I have to say that HE can do a lot better than you. He doesn't deserve someone who's going to be worried about him being less attractive.

    If you like the kid, date him. Who cares about what he looks like? When you're 80, looks aren't going to mean anything.

    Plus, looks aren't everything.

    I dated a gorgeous man for about a year. he looked similiar to Brad Pitt, to be honest. but he was such a jerk! Abusive, mentally and physically.

    Yeah, he probably was the hottest man I'll ever date, but his personality was ugly. and I deserve better than that, even if it comes in the form of a man who's physically ugly.


    • Okay I know that looks fade [though mine got better, at least recently] and aren't everything but they should count some in whether or not to be in a relationship with someone.

      also sure there are guys who look good but are jerks but there are other guys who both look good and are good people.

  • well I think the benefits of having an ugly boyfriend is that you would pretty much be his goddess and main focus becuase lets face it, most chicks would date at least a decent looking guy were shallow unlike you lol but hey more power to you, you can get passed that unlike the rest of us lol. I'm positive he won't cheat on you because you are his main focus and I don't think another girl would go after him. you can get him to do pretty much whatever you want because I don't think he would want to lose his only chance of having a pretty girlfriend, not to mention the sex. I imagine he would do ANYTHING for you if there's sex involved. those are pretty much the main benifits I think anyways.

  • The guy that I am madly in love with is not the type that I would have originally seen myself with. He is not ugly but he is not at all the hot surfer type that I was usually attracted to. That point was actually something that made me realize that the love I felt was genuine. I was able to look beyond his physical appearance and fell in love with the person he is. It is also true when people say that the more you love someone, the more attrtactive they become to you. I now see him as a very good looking guy and feel lucky to have found him. Hope that helps.

  • its not bad to have an unattractive boyfriend because as long as he treats you right and likes you for you then there shouldnt be a problem! I know that sounds cheesy but when you really think about it what would you want more?

    a "hott" guy that treats you really bad and couldn't care less about your feelings

    or an "ugly" guy who treats you like your his everything?

    id for sure go for the second one cause who cares what other people think, your opinion should be the only one who counts!

  • Very immature and vain, you just might be missing something great because of your vanity. Plus some of these comments from the men are dumb to take any advise lol. Be with him based on his person and how he treats you and makes you feel and shows how interested he is in you and not to just to get you in the sheets. Yes attractive and "un" attractive have these motives. An attractive female can be with a "un"attractive man and this but some reason it bring out the sluts and hoes curiosity as to what does this man have for her to be with him and then they dig their dirty used up selves into what you have with this man. And complication thing yes speaking from many happenings of experience.

  • How shallow are you? if you like a guy, like him, date him, do whatever. Don't look to your gfs to 'convince' you to date him. "you can do better" and "hes too ugly for me" attitudes suggest you are ugly inside and need a reality check. this question is ridiculous.

  • lol I am currebtly having a simmilar situation with u!i am dating this guy, he is really not very good looking, all my friends and family say I can get a better guy, and I do sometimes feel embarresed when I go out with him when he hug me and some people use their eyes to stare at us lol that was akward. but this guy defenatly have lesser chance to cheat on you I say lesser not never is still depends. but whn he was away I kinda miss him so probably I will still dating this guy^^

  • I've been in that situation when I was youngER. At the time I was already cheated on twice and I was really tired of dating good looking, arrogant assholes. But there was this funny, smart, short, and not the best looking guy ever. but he was sweet. I ended up dating him because he was just so sweet and he made me laugh when I was with him. We had some great adventures. But, like your friend, my friends told me, 'you could do soooo much better.', 'why are you dating him?'. And this is really bad, but I was embarassed seeing him in public. I hated running into someone that I knew. Because we were so different, he was always self conscious and always jealous. He made me feel bad to go out with my friends and he wouldn't come with me. Like the other girls said, don't date him if you're not physically attracted to him. Feelings will cool off and you'll end up breaking his heart and yours.