"Nothing gives you the right to judge me."
I'm sure you've seen this statement at least once or twice in your lives, either coming from your mouth, or from someone else's. In fact, it's a very strong, recurring theme here on GAG, people treating judgment and critcism like it's the root of all evil.
And you know what I say to that? I say you're a little sensitive bitch.
(Pictured here: The true root of all evil.)
Kambo here, ready to slap some sense into you GAG'ers and give you a dose of reality.
I know many of you on this website like to think you're this perfect, beautiful little fairy who can do no wrong, who is the best at everything you do and are completely infallible, but here's a newsflash.
You're not. You're just as human as the next person. With ignorance, and flaws, and just as many IMPROVEMENTS that can be made as the next person (noticed that I said CAN, not SHOULD, whether you want to improve as a human being is entirely your perogative.)
Let's use an example.
Let's pretend I'm a boxer. I swear up and down that I'm hot shit. Literally, take Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, Jet Li, and Bob Barker put them all on one team and have them gang up on me, I'll still wreck their shit. In fact, have them do that little crazy ass fusion dance from Dragon Ball Z, it won't matter, I'll still wreck them.
(Pictured here: Sandler getting mugged for his lunch money.)
Now, confidence is all well and good. But the thing I don't realize? All those warm, fuzzy feelings I have about myself don't mean shit the moment I hit the ring, and reality comes flying into my face in the form of a 10 second knockout.
The thing that people don't realize in life is there is what you THINK you know:
(Pictured here: What I thought I looked like.)
And what is actually TRUE:
(Pictured here: What I actually look like.)
Now, let's pretend I'm lying face first on the mat. I now have two options:
A - I can accept this defeat, and the stinging reality that this person who beat me is a superior fighter and that I have a lot of work to do.
Or.
B - I can completely call this whole fight a fluke, run back to my make believe fairy land, and live the rest of my life happily believing that I'm still the best fighter in the world.
This is what we like to call Cognitive Dissonance. It's basically nature's way of flipping your brain the finger and giving you a mental "Blue Screen of Death."
(Oh fuck.)
Most people, in order to preserve their little fantasy image of themselves, tend to errect walls of defensiveness in order to feel better about themselves. But what most people don't know is, FEELING better about yourself is not the same as actually BEING better. In order to BE better, you first need to realize that you weren't that good in the FIRST place.
But here's the thing. That example I gave? It doesn't just apply to boxing. It very much applies on a MENTAL level.
In life, we will always encounter people who are mentally superior to us in a given field, whether it's logic, or debating, anything really.
And instead of seeing their words as valuable tools that can be used to better ourselves, most of the time, we decide to mentally shut down and run back to our little fairy land. We will do everything in our power to convince ourselves that the OTHER person is insecure, when the truth is, WE are the ones desperately trying to save OURSELVES from reality.
"Alright kambo, I think I have an idea of what you're talking about. But how do you differentiate the valuable judgment/criticism from a seaoned veteran, from useless judgment/criticism from someone who doesn't know what they are talking about?"
This is where it gets technical. At the end of the day, it's up to YOU to define those standards. What's important, above all else though, is to NOT shut your mind off in the first place. Most people don't even BOTHER to think that someone could ACTUALLY be better than them at something. Don't make that same mistake.
With that said, here are the main 2 ways I define someone as better than me, as someone who is worth listening to, even IF their criticism is harsh.
A - The person has to have been in my situation before, or a very SIMILAR situation. Saying something, and LIVING through it are two very different things. Most people don't get this far, they assume the person has no idea what they are talking about and they simply walk away. ASK questions, FEEL and mentally dig into the person's response. If you have lived the situation, you will KNOW a kindred spirit when you meet one, even IF they hold a harsh opinion of you.
B - Examine their advice, and you must do it IMPARTIALLY. DON'T just listen to the words that agree with you, actually LOOK at the evidence and compare it to yourself. You'll be surprised how often the truth does NOT agree with you. If a person has done boxing for 20 years and you've only been doing it for 3 months, there's a good chance that when he tells you that you suck, you probably actually do suck. I'm not saying take all of his word as Gospel, you are your own person and with your own style, I'm simply saying listen to his advice, and test out what works and what doesn't, throw out what doesn't work, and apply what does.
And there you have it, some pretty basic guildlines on why criticism and judgment is important for growth, and how you can learn to apply it on a tactical and personal level.
So the next time when someone gives you advice, judgment, or criticism, don't be a little bitch. Take a deep breath, and examine the person's words, harsh words of advice is STILL advice, there is still valuable information that can be gleemed from it.
kambo out.
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