If a girl is rejected because she is deemed too overweight to date but then loses weight. Does the rejector deserve to be rejected?

[Anonymous]

Say a guy was trying to pursue a girl that was overweight who was otherwise minding her own business. He likes everything else about her except her weight. But when she decides to pay attention and end up liking the guy he proceeds agree to anything else but date her unless she lose the weight. He rejects her especially since he had falsely assumed overweight or obese people are easy sex and she didn't put out yet he's still interested but afraid of what it will do to his image if he dates an overweight person. She loses the weight and now he's more interested than before. Is she obligated to give him the time of day especially after she was humiliated for nothing?

Yes

No

[Bluemax]

She isn't obligated to give him the time of day. No one is obligated to date anyone. The question is does she want to date him? I don't know why she would find this guy attractive if he rejected her because he assumed she would put out because of her weight and be pissed when he found out she doesn't.

That being said, if a guy or gal rejects someone because he or she doesn't find someone physically attractive because of their weight, I see no wrong in that. I also see no wrong in a guy or gal becoming attracted to someone after that person loses weight. Or if their skin cleared up. Or if they got orthodontic work done. Or whatever issue it was that was turning the other person off.

What should a person who has lost a lot of weight do with people who never knew him/her before he/she lost the weight? Should they carry around a picture of themselves when they were overweight and show it to prospective suitors, then ask, "Would you date this person?" I'm not suggesting this is what you're talking about, dominiquois, but I've heard questions very similar to the one you're asking before.

[Asker]

But the thing the girl NEVER asked him or a date or in the slightest. He just said it. Does anybody hook up with anyone they don't find attractive in the slighest?
I could PM you the circumstances if you want to not blurt out everything but it was just so uncalled for all of it.

[Asker]

*thing is
*or in the slightest insinuated it.

[Asker]

*want so as to not blurt
Ugh!!! Typos.

[The_redhawk]

She has the right and obligation to do whatever SHE wants. If she wants to lose the weight because she wants to make him happy then ok. If she wants to date him then she has the right to and she should. If she doesn't then she has no obligation to anyone but herself and she should not date him. Same thing that he has the right to reject her as well as the right to want to date her. There is no obligation in either case.

[Asker]

I agree. Thanks for your answer.

[ChanseyTime]

I have to say, i've been in a similar (not the same) situation. I was the fat girl, constantly being rejected back and forth by guys I liked. They liked being around me and talking to me, just never wanted to date me or even worse, date me but in secret (yeah, shitty I know..).

I finally decided I was done being the fat girl and over 4 years lost 90 lbs. (Amazing how cutting back on eating and exercising works…) I have to say, a lot of these same guys who rejected me before and now asking me out left and right. My attitude at first was to reject anyone who rejected me… but losing the weight has def. given me a different perspective on life. I've given some a chance, but they have to work even harder for my attention. ;D

This guy… seems way insecure about what other people think. And that's not the guy you want. If it's not your weight he has image problems with now, his other insecurities will show. And may bring you down in other ways. This guy sounds like he has issues. If he really wants things to work, let him work for it! But I'm sure there are better options out there.

[Asker]

I agree for sure.
The issue is is because I only even gained weight (70-80 lbs) because I was put in Paxil for severe depression and anxiety for other horrible things. I was always skinny at one loint too skinny until I took the medication which not only did not help me, it made me gain the weight, attract this situation (since fat girls are easy, right?) and dig me even deeper into depression. Thank you for letting me know Im not alone. I don't know how people overcome over and over.

[CommieDearest]

Yes. That bad taste would be in her mouth forever. The point of whether or not the guy did anything necessarily wrong isn't the issue. It's like starting a relationship with baggage from the get go. I was a fat teenager and after I lost some chub not only did I get asked out by guys who wouldn't have dated me, I got asked out by guys who tormented me in the past.

Rejecting them was a great feeling unparalleled by any other, and I'm not sorry about it.

[Asker]

I'm glad to hear that. It must've felt like there is a God.

[Anonymous]

Eww why would you want to be with a guy who rejected you because your over weight. My boyfriend still went out with me when I was overweight, and is still with me even after I lost weight. Now he's a serious guy, he liked me for me and not because I lost weight. Honestly I think you many want him because we all seek validation from other people. And having him like you give you validation. But he doesn't really like you just dump him

[Asker]

You're right.

[Asker]

Also I wasn't seeking validation from him or anyone. He just decided to pursue me so I was like why not? If I what to feel confident I do it on my own terms

[luna33]

Yes. Because when someone said they like you or want you, it shouldn't be with conditions. They should accept you the way you are, for who you are not the way they want it to be. Of course he should be rejected afterwards, no excuse accepted.

[Asker]

I believe so.

[ThatBandNerd]

Hell yes he is an asshole, I am not overweight neither is my GF however I do (sorta) know how it feels, my brother is overweight and he is dating the most popular girl in school! He asked her one day, "why didn't you reject me? I am fat!" All she said was that she knows him for who he really is and that's what she cares about, they are now engaged and plan on havering 2 kids...

[Asker]

Aww that's so nice about your brother she really seems sweet.
Yes, the guy was an asshole but he was good at pretending he wasnt. Just gotta be more careful next time I guess.

[PrivateLarry]

No. It's called having honor. If a guy didn't like her back then but decides to pursue her now, he is being a dishonorable hypocrite. He already burned the bridges by rejecting the girl, so what makes a difference if she loses the weight? Once you make your decision about someone not being attractive enough to date, don't go back to it. Have some honor guys.

[Asker]

Yep. It's best to keep it this way.

[IProbablyFallMore]

IF THEY DAMN GIVE HIM THE TIME OF DAY I WOULD PERSONALLY TRAVEL TO WHEREVER SHE IS AND BEAT SOME SENSE INTO HER!!! THE GUY IS A TOTAL TOOL, NEVER DATE SOMEONE WHO IS SO SUBCONSCIOUS ABOUT IMAGE THAT HE WOULD DENY SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL INFRONT OF HIM

[Asker]

Lmfao!!
That was really beautiful <3

[CheesinIndian]

Hell no, dont give him the time of day. He if he really liked you then he would have dated you, he is super shallow. That relationship will end badly.

[Asker]

I thought so. Thanks :)

[Katy16]

Nope, if he was a jerk to her before unless he proves himself in some way she doesn't owe him anything

[Asker]

Ok. :)

[kitty_katt]

If all he care about is her body, she doesn't need that shallow idiot!

[Asker]

Agreed. ^_^

[Anonymous]

No, at least not merely on the basis that he rejected her. We all have preferences and thats okay.

[Asker]

Ok, but why pursue somebody and lead them on if they dont fit your preferences. Thats just cruel.

[hapyshiny]

He. Is. An. Asshole.
case dismissed

[Asker]

Lol, not going to argue that.

[rUinSAYAN]

why give in to this. revenge is sweet muhahaha

[Asker]

Lol, yeah.

[rUinSAYAN]

I never forgot who rejected me (when I was not drunk). there's more out there then just this guy. the payback shows the guy that not every douche can get of with the jackpot

[Asker]

Lol @when I was not drunk XD
Sorry about that :/
Yes I know there is more out there however it wouldn't have bothered me if it didn't go down this way. It was just the fact that he did in an insulting manner. I just kind of wanted to make sense of it all but never really took the time to do that. I hate being confused. >. <

[rUinSAYAN]

I think he already seen a potential but he did reject you still, mentioning anything that has to do with you being fat?
what would you think of my way to handle it, I be friends with fat girl that is actually pretty, she looses some pounds, I start flirting her out of the friendzone. well that seems douchy too lol

[Asker]

Yes, he said I have a beautiful/pretty face, that I'm awesome. I wish he could've just been honest the 1st time without me trying to have to pry it I wouldn't have been offended at all. Actually to me it's odd, there are really good looking guys who are chubby and I would date them when I'm thin. Also, it makes no sense because men should be more flexible about weight like women are wth men since women are the fatter gender since always. Men's testerones and muscles makes them loose weight faster and keep it off. Women don't have that luck unless they have the body of a runway model and those women are runway models because their body type is uncommon. It's even reffered to as the boyish body type.

[rUinSAYAN]

I'm not into sticks and also not into fat. I find it a turn of to see overlapping fat even tho I sometimes have my weird moments. I say as long as the woman has something to bite and is toned/in shape she is my nr1 preference.

[Asker]

I'm not and wasn't even obese to begin with. Naturally I'm a size 7-8. When I met him I was a size 14. I'm 5'8" 1/2. After taking the paxil I gained like 80 lbs in less than a year. I'm off it now and excercising. I never ate unhealthy or ate a lot before or during. I'm trying to eat even healthier and cleaner now.

[rUinSAYAN]

so you say you were already in my green zone? I like it to have a bigger girl then those other sticks who walk around when the bigger girl goes to gym. dem toned belly n booty U MAMA! well I answered your question? cause I'm talkin nonsense now

[Asker]

Yes haha! Thank you.
When I met him at a size 14 I wasn't toned (like I was) but it wasn't anything you'd tell without me showing. Now that I've lost more weight and am losing it Im getting more toned.
Oh well either way he really was a textbook definition of tool and he was pushing for it and I was bored and curious at the same time... life is weird.

[rUinSAYAN]

if I don't get lucky in future Imma play computer till I die, bless the person that invented it

[Asker]

Lololol. XD
Ok.

[rUinSAYAN]

ya babay

[Blueeyes81]

Rejection sucks, welcome to a man's world. You got rejected does it really matter why? If it was your personality, would you want revenge then. That's a lot of hate to carry around just to get even.

[Asker]

When did I ever say I wanted revenge? Stop putting words in my mouth. One thing is to reject somebody off the bat. That's fine, not a problem. Another is to A) PURSUE somebody who was minding thier own business. B) Once they gain enough trust to get the person to lie them, fooling them in the process into thinking they were great the way they were to them. C) Telling the person they won't go out with them because of excess body weight but would if they lost it. Is all levels of fucked up. Especially since this was a first time and without knowing if this person was dealing with other issues. It's unforgivable. So yes, rejecting them back is well deserved. It's fair and the most civil way of telling the person to go fuck themselves without having to say it.

[Blueeyes81]

Your whole question reeks of wanting to get even. That's not putting words in your mouth. Grow up, deal with it.

[Asker]

I don't understand, if you don't like somebody don't bother, you'll only make it worse for everybody and hurting people who don't deserve or need any more of it in their lives. It is a cruelty.

[Blueeyes81]

Hate to break it to you. If your weight was an issue he wouldn't have pursued you romantically. Are you sure it just wasn't friendship that you mistook for more because you wanted more.

[Asker]

That was confusing? ^ No I can tell when a guy wants to be friends and when they want something else. He wanted sex. He was saying very sexually suggestive things. Once he didn't get it he just said he couldn't date me.

[PrivateLarry]

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Once you reject someone, you never go back to that person again to ask them out. It's called having honor.

[Asker]

Yes I agree. He should've jus had the honor in the first place but oh well. It's in the past now. Best to move on and keep getting healthier.