I cheated on my long distance relationship girlfriend, should I tell her?

[Anonymous]

i have been together with my girlfriend for almost 1 and 1/2 year.

i had 2 short relationships before and she is my first very serious girlfriend.

last year was like a beautiful dream for me, the best year in my life

she went back to her country just at the beginning of this year. in the summer I met another girl, we went to club, she was drunk, I just lost my mind and we did oral sex outside her apartment building, well she actually just did it for me for a few seconds and stopped. I saw her again two times the next few days but she seemed to have moved on from it.

my girlfriend is coming to visit me soon, she worked very hard to save enough money to come here.

and I had no job and no money, she said she can't rely on me, and I understand that. these days I have been trying to change myself, and the thought of maybe I should tell my girlfriend just came up.

i am a man, I want to give my girl the best of everything, I want her to be happy. I also can not stand myself of hiding the truth from her.

the thought of me having betrayed someone that loves me makes me very shameful, and the thought of her getting hurt brings me to tears...

everyday since she went back I have been thinking of her, I don't know why during the time I cheated I didn't think of her, I totally lacked of self control, I was stupid

these days I am trying to preparing everything for her short visit, like money and places that we should go and activities...

i know that if it was not for her I might continue to be a lazy ass, she is my motivation to change, to be a better man...

she has always encouraged me and stayed by my side when I am down

i have always told her I wanted to be a good man, and that I thought about I would try to give her everything and her happiness is the most important thing to me.

why did I say such things while I have betrayed her?

should I just confess to her, and let her decide our future?

Updates

+1 y

i will introduce her to my family when she arrives, she also said she wants to meet my family, if that shows how serious we are

Updates

+1 y

recently she has been really stressed by her hectic life and worry about my problems

Updates

+1 y

her birthday is in a week, she is at the age of looking for someone to have commitments with

[QueenKatie]

You have done a really, really bad thing. You betrayed the trust of someone close to you. You deserve to feel ashamed of yourself.

However, it sounds like you are genuinely very upset by this lapse,and full of remorse for what you have done. And it seems like you are going to make sure that you are never in the same situation again. I think you have to be prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure of that - however extreme, including moving away to be with her, or not drinking alcohol when she is not around if you can't control yourself.

Because you are contrite, I am going to give you some advice that is very hardheaded and practical. Do not tell your girlfriend about this voluntarily. To do so would be to destroy any trust she has in your relationship, and if she loves you, it will tear her apart. The chances of your relationship surviving the revelation are very slight, particularly if you guys are separated again. Keep this nasty little secret to yourself, and instead focus your efforts on making absolutely sure it doesn't happen again.

If she asks you directly, however, you should tell the truth. Lying is also a massive breach of trust, almost as great as cheating is. If she were to reveal suspicions of your honesty, that would be the time to confess. You will need to do so in a really, really sensitive way, and make sure that you are ready to deal with the hurricane of grief and anger and upset that will result, and to work with her on repairing the breach that you have created.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't mean it to, but it is vital if you are going to conceal this for the future of the relationship that you make the utmost effort not to repeat the mistake you made.

[Asker]

Thanks QueenKatie for your advice but I have already told her the truth...

i gave her a few days to think about our future, and I will respect her decision..

[rdabby]

Am in a long distance relationship too I always wonder if this happens with him as well... I mean we all know that guys think with thier thing not thier minds or hearts...

I suggest you tell her and as I see here you already have, give her days to think about it and make it up for her..big time!

but you have to know that it will take a lot of time for her to trust you again...cuz am one of the people who believe in once a cheater always a cheater...sorry about that but its how I feel because I've been cheated on once..

but you still have hope and as long as you re honest about it then you have a better chance to get through this.

be prepared!

[Asker]

If she gives me a chance, I will do whatever and however long it takes for me to gain back her trust,

she has already done a lot for me, like when she was here, no matter how much I hated my work or had a bad day, the thought of me being able to see her after work gets me through everything.

she has always given me support whenever I needed the most, she also places me as the priority at all times...

i want to not just regain her trust, but also give her everything she needs and be always there

[cherry12333]

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[yellowbrickroad]

=O

her poor soul.

..tell her. you need to. you won't be able to fully move on with the relationship if you dont. It will eat at you until it is ruined, anyway. So why not tell her? she deserves to know. I think that everybody deserves a second chance, so who knows, maybe you guys will still stay together.

[BurningSun22]

Well obviously you can't commit if you cheated on her.

[Asker]

I will understand if even she thinks that way,

i did not cherish her until when I might be losing her,

i think about her everyday every hour every minute every second,

but when the temptation was there I became blinded.

she has always put me in priority, but I did not...

i will change, and I can change, for her...

[BurningSun22]

If you think you can change then do it. But if there is any doubt in the back of your mind that you know you will falter again when she is away, then don't bother fighting for her. You;ll only hurt her more in the end if you make false promises and try to salvage a relationship that might be fake.

[BurningSun22]

The best thing to do would be to tell her. Whatever happens after that is really up to her.

[BarbaraYoung]

I WANT TO SAY THANKS TO [[{{dr_mack@ yahoo. com}}]] ** FOR BRINGING MY LOVER BACK IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HAVE MY LOVER BACK
** **HE CAN HELP**]]]]