Mixed Messages During Break Up?

Why do girls send mixed messages when breaking up with a guy? Why do girls feel the need to tell a guy how great he is when they are dumping him? My ex dumped me 2 months ago and said/did the following:

-Told me how great of a guy I am, and how I deserve to be happy, and deserve someone better.

-Told me she was lucky to have dated me and that I treated her better than she could imagine.

-She kissed me a bunch of times when we broke up.

-Told me it was going to be hard not to call me, especially when she was lonely.

-Asked her to call her to let her know I got home safely the night she dumped me.

-Was very open to meeting up to talk a 2nd time after our break up since she blindsided me and knew I didn't see the break up coming.

-Kissed me a bunch of times again the 2nd time we met to talk.

-Stayed at my house just days before she dumped me and instigated sex by surprising me with lingerie.

-Never came to pick up the expensive items she left at my house, which she said she wanted back. Told me multiple times she would come soon but never followed through. She could have taken the items home the last night she stayed at my place. When she left my house, I was at work.

When a girl dumps a guy, why can't they just be honest and upfront? If they are worried about the situation being awkward, it's too late, break ups are always awkward. Telling a guy how great he is doesn't make a guy feel better, it just brings up more questions, such as; if I am so great and you feel lucky to be with me, then why are you dumping me?

My ex never said she didn't have feelings for me anymore. I asked her and she couldn't say it. I told her it's ok if she doesn't like me anymore, but I needed her to tell me the truth.

Why do people feel the need to always try to look for something better, rather than just enjoying what they have? People will rarely be every


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, cut the bitch off.

    If you spend any amount of time thinking about a person and it doesn't make you feel good, then they aren't worth having in your life in any capacity--especially if you aren't sleeping with them.

    Cast her off.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Because she's in search of love

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    • I get that she is in search of love, but why send mixed messages to me? Why lead me on?

    • Because she wants to keep you as an option.

  • I think she is confused, scared and unsure of what to do. I have a friend, that each time the relationship reaches a level he gets so scared that he runs away although he loves his lady to bits. Its a tough one

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  • She probably just doesn't know what she wants. And she still cares for you but doesn't want to hurt you. Give her space. It will do you both good so you can both reflect on your own time.

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    • What if she starts dating another guy? It makes me sick to think that. I feel like she ran away for fear of commitment, and likely has or will jump into a new relationship just to avoid feeling lonely. It's difficult to deal with this, as she kept telling me how I was so good to her and did nothing wrong to cause this. Why hasn't she picked up her belongings that she said she wanted? She promised multiple times that she would come soon to get them. It's been over a month since that last conversation.

    • Have you ever heard of the saying "If you love something let them go" ? If I were you I would cut off all contact for one to two months. Maybe even longer. If you want her back, you gotta do the no contact rule. If she hasn't gotten her stuff yet then give her time and let her be. This will allow her to sort through things and it will give you time to move on. If she starts dating another guy, then she wasn't worth your time. At least you have already stated to move on with your life during the no contact rule so you can hopefully meet someone else too or learn how to be happy on your own.

  • Has she been insecure during the relationship?

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    • She didn't seem insecure. She was very confident in my opinion. First few weeks we dated she stayed over multiple times a week, or invited me to stay at her house. 1 month in she surprised me with a suite at a hotel, a few weeks after that, she moved some appliances in to my house to make it more convenient when she stayed over. She insisted that I borrow her car when I got into a car accident when trying to pick her up a few hours away, she also introduced me to her mom. 2 weeks after the accident, and meeting her mom, she dumped me. She mentioned during our breakup conversation that most of her past relationships only lasted a few months. She is now in her 30's. The only red flag was that she only invited me out with her friend's once or twice. But she said it was her being careful because of her bad experiences with other men who left her in the past. She said she knew how much I cared about her.

What Guys Said 2

  • She doesn't seem to know what she wants, but she still cares for you and just doesn't want to get hurt.

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  • Mine told me she hates me and the same night text me yelling at me about how I left the door unlocked when I left before her and it was unlocked she got home. yet until I stood my ground and then almost everything but one pic of us was left on her fb by the end of the day.

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