Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with him after he asked other woman for nudes?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. For the past 6 months there have been issues between us and things don’t go well. We work at the same place and our work is pretty hectic. He has always “brought work home” but it hasn’t troubled me since some months ago when it became more of a lifestyle to him and all he talks about is work, he has a second job too to add to the mix. He rarely finds time for me or for our home, he doesn’t clean, doesn’t do the dishes etc anymore and when I ask him to help me he brushes it off and gets annoyed saying he is tired. I get it and know very well how he feels but even a little help would be nice. Due to all of this he hasn’t payed any attention to me anymore, we don’t go to dates, he doesn’t bring me flowers unless it’s my birthday or Women’s Day, no more compliments but instead I get snarky comments etc. All of this has brought us to a place where I feel I want to break things up. Couple of weeks ago I told him about my concerns, we discussed and decided to try and work for our relationship. 2 days later he came home, drunk, yelled at me, argued and kept asking who is the other man. I kept repeating there is no other man, and there really isn’t but he insisted there is someone else. During the argument he messaged one of his friend (a girl) and said that I broke up with him and he regrets not trying a relationship with her. After that he asks her for nudes. She didn’t send any. I didn’t know about this until couple of days ago when I saw the messages. I felt like my heart sunk and someone stabbed me in the back. I didn’t know how to react. How can a man who insists he loves his girlfriend very much do such a thing? When I confronted him he kept saying how he still loves me and doesn’t love her. It was all a game and he wanted to know where the conversation leads to. One thing that haunts me that he said that night is that she has always been the girl who gives her womanly attention

[WonderBell99]

No, you are not the asshole, but your boyfriend sure is. He seems like a piece of work. Why are you still with him in the first place? He is emotionally immature and does not seem to act like an adult. If he suspected that you are cheating, he should have either talked it out with you or collected indisputable evidence BEFORE making false accusations. Not only did he falsely accuse you of something that never happened, he also had the audacity to ask a random woman for nudes when he was still in a relationship with you.

Honey, that is NOT the kind of man you want to spend your life with. Guess what? He was gaslighting you, making you question your own sanity and it does not matter how many times he tells you

tells you he loves you - words do NOT mean anything. Actions sure do. Kick that guy to the curb and don’t look back. There are plenty of other good fishes in the sea that would treat you like a Queen. Save yourself from a big heartache and run.

Edit: Just read all your replies, good on you for kicking him out. Now, you need time to heal and move on. I’m almost plenty sure that he would want to get back together again and slowly slither his way into your heart, do NOT allow him to do so. Stand your ground and take some time for yourself away from all the toxicity. Start dating others only when you’re sure that you’ve moved on from this guy. Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for you reply❤️

I broke up with him this morning and for good. Seeing things now through all of your eyes I see what kind of person he really was and is and now know better not to let him gaslight me and drag my feelings for him through the dirt

[WonderBell99]

Do you have any friends that could help you through this breakup? Also, I would highly suggest you start identifying the red flags before you get into a relationship with someone. You could potentially end up in an abusive relationship if you’re unaware of the red flags early on. I don’t mean to scare you, I just want what is best for you.

[Asker]

My mum has been there for me the most and one other colleague has been supporting me emotionally

Thank you very much for being so caring and helpful. I appreciate it a lot😊

I am glad this chapter is over and I finally can breathe a little. Luckily now I know what kind of behaviour to avoud

[Sarahplus2]

leave him and don't look back. that is not what a guy does when he says he loves a woman. He is a shit bag.

[Asker]

I did this morning and I feel relieved after doing so🙂

[Sarahplus2]

Good for you.

[CelticCrusader]

Fucki no. Run away now this can only end in you knocked up with a bastard and a absent dad who dodges his child support, fucking run girl!

[Asker]

I broke up things with him and he is currently in the moving out process. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it😊

[Guy13]

Absolutely not... and what was he thinking? Did he even have an explanation? What was his reaction to your "Goodbye" ?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

If he's asking for nudes from other women/girls you deserve a new man/ guy to move on with life this is sad he's doing this to you and you deserve a better man/guy to be in your life :) :) Best Wishes :) :)

[dustybiker]

Why are you still with him? Why disrespect yourself?

[Asker]

I always thought he would change as when we had problems in the past he tried to be a better person but after some time it would go back to where it was before. I guess I tried to see the good in him way too hard in order for it to hide the bad. My ex boyfriends have treated me way worse so I feel like I wanted this relationship to work and didn’t notice what is really going on. But as of this morning he is getting his stuff and moving out. He still doesn’t see all the bad he did sadly

[dustybiker]

Try not to let him taint new men you meet. They won’t all act like him. Glad you are free.

[UnknownPuppet]

No. This is pretty close to cheating. You do not deserve that disrespect.

[Asker]

Thank you! I broke up with him and he is currently moving out.

I agree about the cheating part. If I would’ve done such a thing he would be so mad at me and break up with me instantly. But it seems when he does it is okay for him

[WhitneySnow]

You did the right thing breaking up with him. Even if he did give you flowers on Women’s Day.

[Asker]

I agree. After I asked him to break up I felt like something heavy just dropped from my shoulders. I am glad I did it🙂

[WhitneySnow]

Good 😊

[Roseboy]

there is a perfectly good subreddit for this
but no you are not

[Avicenna]

No, that's totally understandable on your part

[In_Trance]

Just do it