Are these proper boundaries, am I a selfish asshole or am a fool?

[Anonymous]

Me (26) and my girl (25) been together over 6 years, first year we were together she cheated on me very cold heartedly. On New Years I was supposed to work the day after so I couldn't make it but my boss let me off last minute so I surprised her at the bar she was going to with her "friends" caught her rubbing her ass on a guy, beat the shit out of him & got kicked out & wait outside the bar 4 hours til it closed and she walked past me with him and went home with him, I went to her house to grab my shit and he answered her door in just underwear. Traumatic af. Day after she came to my house to apologize and for me to break up w/ her and while she was crying in my washroom I went through her phone (she'd cheated on me multiple times with multiple people & fucked him before I beat him up in his hotel room & also secretly had a STI, I tested and didn't have it). Broke up & I hated her for months. Got back together via seeing her at a bar and hooking up, I stated no guy friends, no going out past 1, no hotels w/out me. Years have past and things have been smooth & live together, she's in Law school now & ever since she got in Law school she has forgotten all my boundaries. She's going out to parties and friends houses until 5am, she went on a school trip to a big hotel (majority of the students in her class didn't go too) for over a week (wouldn't text me until the noon after every day) & she has a Mexican girls trip now planned for this summer. I don't want to control her, I feel silly enough and honestly our past haunts me & she knows this because I've made it extremely clear but I don't trust her in those situations and personally I feel like it's avoidable to stay out every weekend until 4-5am & I would be down to go on trips with her too. Is it fair boundaries that If she can't change her current habits of hers I've mentioned given out past or is that unfair?

That's okay to have that boundary

That's controlling

[SueShe]

I don't understand why you keep being with her after that. To me, that shows a total lack of character and personality from your side. Sorry to be so blunt.

Do you honestly think anything has changed? You would be really gullible if you thought so. She stays with you just for comfort because it is involving too many inconvenient things to move out and find another place. This, by the way, applies to you too.

Therefore, you close both eyes on the situation because you are too comfortable the way things are going even if it hurts you.

Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. The only thing that is different is the incentive it takes to start cheating again.

[Iron_Man]

She is low class you know what why didn’t you end it right there on the spot you don’t get with girls that cheat on you especially multiple times and how dare her go home with that guy on the same night she’s not worthy of your time. I don’t feel that she qualifies to even date you once a cheater, always a cheater

[Asker]

I agree. She was persistent to get back with me & I blocked her for months, tbh the night I saw her after I broke up I was out with my friends, really drunk and I kinda was going through a phase of wondering how things could be if she wasn't a bitch to me then. I stayed with her because A) She was persistent B) I still cared about her and she was using the I was using her for sex trope C) she offered to let me set boundaries to counter the risk to that happening again (and yes I'm disgusted it ever happened) like letting me access her phone whenever, she shared her location, deleted a lot of guys out of her phone she didn't go to high school or prior (all her friends are girls by the way) and said I could sleep with other women while I was with her. I said Id think about it & it happened again and was good for over 3 years, it's just the past year and almost a half that's been rough again.

[Avicenna]

Why are you still with this person? She will continue to cheat and you understandably will never trust her.

[Anonymous]

Why the hell are you still with her?

This is the gospel truth, once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheaters are monsters, without empathy, without a soul. They are unworthy of good men, and should be treated as such..

Man up and stop being a fucking doormat. Leave the bitch, cut contact with her, block her on everything, remove her stuff from your home, let her pick it up off of your front lawn.. This is how you redeem your self, not by being a doormat simp to a cheater.

[Asker]

I'm aware man, I know the position of staying with a cheater as a man is pathetic. It's not fun. It's pretty disgraceful and at a minimum was blemish in what I was hoping for in a relationship. It's just the past year that's been bad, a the 3 years before that she was actually pretty good to me & I'm coming to this for advice because I don't want to just end it but I'm in the midst of not wanting to be in the relationship I'm in just seeing what others think and if there any suggestions but I'm expecting a lot of me being a simp.

[strateguy632]

you were reasonable dump her!