Am I wrong for wanting to break up with my fiancé because she wants to stay on antidepressants during pregnancy, despite chance of birth defects?

[Trekv22]

My fiancé wants to stay on antidepressants even when she's pregnant despite the CDC saying it creates an increased chance of birth defects in the brain, spine, and heart. When we started dating she told me she'd get off antidepressants when we have kids because I told her I don't feel comfortable with her taking drugs when being pregnant. Now she's changing her tune and saying she's going to stay on them because her psychiatrist said it's ok. Her doctor on the other hand said it's NOT ok to be on them.

Am I an asshole for being worried about this and considering breaking up? While it's her body, it's also going to be my kid and if there's a chance of causing a hard future for them with birth defects, I'd rather not even have one. I understand there's ALWAYS a chance of defects, but doing something that increases the risk when tho we talked about it in the past just rubs me the wrong way.

What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Well... what if she goes off the antidepressants and you don’t like the person she becomes? Maybe she even becomes suicidal. I mean she’s going to have to basically be off of them for over 9 months.

I’d suggest not going by what the CDC of all organizations has to say about it. Why would you care about what an organization that focused on infectious diseases has to say about antidepressants?

Instead simply look at the FDA guidelines for antidepressants and pregnancy. It may very well be that there are some antidepressants that are safer to take during pregnancy than others.



I mean, I understand your concerns about birth defects, but a present woman possibly dealing with major depression isn’t exactly healthy for a growing fetus either.

[BonnieBoo]

no you’re not wrong at all. You’re thinking of your unborn baby. I never so much as took a painkiller when I was pregnant. No offence here but I think she’s selfish thinking of herself instead of the life she has growing inside her. If she didn’t want to come off her medication which could possibly cause birth defects, then she should have thought about that when getting pregnant. I don’t mean any offence by this comment but I honestly think that she’s selfish. No you’re not in the wrong you’re looking out for your flesh & blood. You should have a serious talk with her about this. If she doesn’t listen then maybe you should walk away. Don’t listen to what any of us say. This is down to you, to make your own mind up. I hope you can come to some kind of solution before there’s any long term damage to the baby. Congratulations & good luck in the future.

[Anonymous]

One: have you even explored ***WHY*** she wants to stay on them? Will she become suicidal and endanger herself and the baby more? Etc…
Two: if you’re really thinking about your kid why would you break up its family unit so soon without trying to figure it out first?

[Opinion Owner]

Pregnancy can really mess with peoples emotions even more. If you can approach this with respect I’m not convinced you’ll be a good parent yourself without learning and growing a bit more first.

[Opinion Owner]

*can’t

[Trekv22]

she's staying on them because her psychiatrist said so. She was ready to start getting off them and was planning on getting off them, then she mentioned it to her psychiatrist and her psychiatrist said well... pregnancy can be stressful, so you should stay on, birth defects are rare, and my fiance said oh ok. If that's what you think, I'll stay on them.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s kinda like good advice to me. And what exactly did the doctor say?

[Opinion Owner]

*sounds like good advice

[Trekv22]

The doctor said to get off then because of birth defects and can increase the risk of pregnancy complications

[Opinion Owner]

He actually told her to get off them even though the psychiatrist said they’re okay? Sounds like a second opinion is needed as it’s not clear which is right.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s also worth thinking about the fact that if her hormones are unbalanced and depression sets in, that could also influence your child and make them more prone to depression too. Is that what you’d want? I think you need to explore this more before jumping to any conclusions.

[Anonymous]

No, you're not wrong. She should be thinking about the baby over her needs. It is a danger. She should be looking for alternatives with her psychiatrist while pregnant.

[dustybiker]

No. You have valid reasons to worry. You are a good man to care. She might be scared to come off them. Be kind, and ask her more about what she is thinking. It’s okay to talk about these things. You might not be able to convince her, but if you are going to co-parent you do need to be able to talk with each other with respect to how you both think.