Their are several factors in my opinoin. One and a big one is that men have more to lose in a divorce then women. Women are incredibly likely to get full custody of their children and obviously men are not. Men pay child support and alimony 80% of the time, child support until the offspring is 18 and alimony until she remarries/for life (though this is finally begining to change in some states). So he looses his money, he looses his children and most likely will lose his home as well, she loses only a slight financial dip while gaining all of the above (plus on the off chance she is the one expected to pay up she most likely won't and their will be little to no consequence for her as compared to men, about 70% of men pay their child support while barely 30% of women do considering how much more frequent a man is expected to pay then a woman, that is a big gap between the two.) So the risks falls on him not her.(as for cheating 12% of all divorces filed are by men for their wives infidelity, or over half, the only real reason men divorce usually is cheating or emotional abuse. For the 80% of divorces filed by women the most sited reason is irreconcilable differences or no fault, to give perspective.) The other reason is that women are encouraged to think with emotions ie she "fell" out of love ergo it must be time for a divorce. That however is not what men are taught, men are taught relationships are hard, incredibly hard and you have to work at them. If you feel the spark isn't their, you don't break up you try to fix it you figure out the problem and you solve it.(this will be controversial I know but in my experiences its true, women will follow their emotions a lot more then men and men are more likely to try to fix the problem once they are aware their is a problem to fix). The other is communication. Basicly women are really good at communicating with other women. It is not the case with men however. Just look at this site where women are constantly asking about what the guy meant what him not immediatley answering a text meant etc. Usually what a guy says, is exactly what he means. Women however look far to into what they say reading far more into something then they should, and expecting men to do the same with them. Their in lies the issue men do not understand that their is a problem because women do not know how to communicate with men, they try and be subdle or vague instead of direct (at least that is how it seems to men) so that creates issues.
Because when the marriage is over and the woman knows it they usually don't end it there. They will play along like things are mostly fine until they have a new guy lined up, have gotten him to pay for something they want, have money saved up whatever, then end the relationship. Meanwhile the guy usually knows the relationship is in trouble, but thinks she's trying to work it out with him. He usually doesn't realize she's pretty much left the relationship already and has little commitment to it beyond what's required to keep up the facade until she's able to maneuver. In my marriage I filed for divorce and ended it.
I've seen this pattern time in again with male friends and have experienced it once while dating myself. The guy usually is oblivious as to exactly where he truly stands with her until he's served with divorce papers.
I think it has to do for many reasons that the men and women have touched on here.
The laws make it too easy for women to divorce and gain more financially and resources. Pretty much there's way too much to gain in alimony payments, child support, and child custody.
Many of these laws are outdated in my opinion. There was a time when women were limited and impeded them from divorce and leaving an abusive relationship, but this isn't really the case as much anymore.
There are other means that don't have to affect the ex husband, like government assistance, women and children shelters, police responding to domestic violence, not to mention most couples are both working nowadays. There's just too much to justify alimony.
Also, there are too many sneaky lawyers who can somehow go around prenups. That's scary. That's bullshit as well, and it just makes men have too much to lose in a divorce.
That out of the way, there's also domestic violence and infidelity. And women leaving if they feel neglected.
Also, many women tend to have this Disney enforced notion of "fairy tale love" and many women think they're ready for marriage, but realize too late they are not.
Sometimes there are legit reasons.
Other times, the "reason" is "I'm bored." Which is really just a distorted, chopped, screwed, transmuted version of something altogether different -- the desire to submit.
First it shows up as restlessness and petty bickering.
Then raising hell over stupid shit -- hoping, subconsciously, that her man will, for lack of a better term, man up.
"I'm bored."
She won't be consciously aware of the real reason. If she's been infected by a certain toxic strain of feminism, she'll deny it all the way. Oh, no, a Strong Woman (tm) couldn't want THAT.
She'll remain unaware of it, or flat-out deny it, even as it rips her and her family's lives apart.
And she'll tear their lives apart, oh yes she will. Into little shreddy shreds, on the floor of that family courtroom. She'll teach her kids, by example, that relationships are all about pain and fighting and broken hearts and 5/2 splits.
All that, when all she needed all along was a strong hand from her man.
Her man.
A lot of women take very bad advice from so called friends and only think about the financial, material processions and custody rights but forget that once you divorce your husband he's no longer yours and owes you nothing personally anymore just any kids you might have.
I think too many women are thinking about what the wedding will be like instead of the marriage. I think in a lot of divorce cases of friends and family I know its the ex wife who ultimately regrets it the most, sure the man's bitter about it at the start but once a woman who's been married for a few years and had a few kids starts to see the men out there that are available for long term relationships they find all the best men are taken or won't get with a woman with baggage or are the same as their exs or then there's the douchebag guys while the ex husband is free to start again usually with a younger woman with no kids. I know so many divorcees who are butthurt that their husband found someone younger and hotter than they are.
The people I know who've gotten divorces have all left either because one partner cheated or because the relationship has ended. Who wants to be trapped in a loveless sexless marriage accented with various degrees of abuse for the rest of their lives?
I think men are more willing to settle and just accept because they're usually the ones being catered to. Whereas the women are usually doing the catering. It's fun to things like make a nice dinner when you're appreciated. It's just another chore in a long endless list when you're not. If the rest of your life looked like an endless chore list where you never get to do anything for yourself and no one ever does anything for you, would you stay?
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I think this has a lot to do with how we see who is worthy of a relationship and who can ask for help.
It seems like guys are considered the expendable part of the relationship. Traditional dating revolves around the man earning his place in the relationship, and the woman choosing whether or not he is worthy. After that, if he is being a jerk "She shouldn't have to put up with his shit". But if she is being a jerk "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
If the guy has a grievance in the relationship, people tell him to man up and deal with it, because he doesn't deserve her in the first place. This is also a very common trope in relationship-based stories and shows. "It doesn't matter how she was treating you. Man up and apologize to her, because she can have anyone, and you are lucky she settled for YOU."
So basically, if a girl gets a divorce, people are more understanding of it. If she initiates the divorce, "He was never good enough for her". If HE initiates the divorce "He is walking out on his responsibility to her".
So guys aren't going to initiate a divorce. People will see it as weak and lazy. Meanwhile, they will encourage women to get a divorce because it is all too easy to believe the man is the burden of the relationship.
The same goes for other things like domestic violence and health issues. As Peter Marin put it, "By being in need of help, men forfeit their right to it."
I have found that women have a lot more to gain from divorce than men do. As a woman I can honestly say that the whole saying of "women don't know what they want" can be undeniably true to some females. A man files for divorce and he will most likely get slapped with a hefty alimony payment OR child support and sometimes both. Men know what will come of divorce and the money that will be forked over; hence, why it is mainly women who file for divorce. Recent studies have shown that women file for divorce 67% of the time. It has also been shown (in that same survey) that out of those same women who filed for the divorce, 48% of them are the ones who hinted toward the marriage to begin with. 19% filed because of a cheating spouse, 26% filed because of sexual differences, and 22% filed because of domestic disputes. Out of this survey, 98,000 women were asked. That's a big number. Imagine if we had questioned all married women?
Divorce rates are sky rocketing. Success rates in marriage have dropped drastically. Which, I believe, is the main reason why so many people (mainly men) are so hesitant to actually go through marriage. People are getting more distracted. Bored. Unsatisfied. Hardly anyone is taking the time to get to know the person before marrying them anymore. Which could be a huge reason why so many divorces are becoming a big part of today's world. I know that I'm hesitant. Not just because of the men themselves (because I truly have only met a few bad apples) but because of myself as well. Needs change with time. Desires change with time. Unless you have a partner who is capable of adapting to my changes then I can not ever allow them to marry me. Not only is it not fair to them but its not fair to me either.
Marriage is somewhat overrated. People get bored so they get married. They start having problems and think marriage will solve it. They have babies and get married because its "the right thing to do". All of it to me is nonsense.
Would you say "I do" if they tell you you will get money just because you have a vagina? Well, many girls will, and that's why most divorces are initiated by women. They know the court will 90% of the times give her what she wants, even if she was the one doing wrong.
Just picture this beautiful scenario: You're living in a nice house whose mortgage you don't have to take care of cause the guy is the one paying for it, and you're getting money without doing anything.
Isn't that an appealing situation? Sounds beautiful.
Wow reading all the guys comments on here they think women are shallow selfish humans only capable of thinking about money.
I can only speak for myself when I say if I leave my husband there will be significant financial implications for me and not in the good sense.
I would be leaving because there is no love, I'm completely alone and emotionally abused on a regular basis. I'd leave because I want a chance to be with someone who might actually love me.
My husband would only leave if I cheated on him. That's it. So obviously I would be the "reason" for our divorce. I think many women are faced with such dead end marriages and just can't handle a life of capitivity with invisible bars.
Four divorces I've seen between people closest to were because:
1) Abusive husband who had control over his wife's money, recorded all her phone calls with her parents, and hit her while she was pregnant. Both wanted divorce but he wanted money.
2) Cheating husband after two decades of marriage and four kids. Wife wanted divorce.
3) Wife changed her mind and wanted the husband to stay at home while she worked (husband has a bit of a disability). Husband wanted divorce.
4) Wife felt like husband's mom was a burden to take care of and didn't want it (husband's mom had hepatitis C and died a year after the divorce). Wife wanted divorce.
There are a lot of reasons why people divorce. The stereotype is that woman wants the money and not the man anymore. Maybe celebrities popularized this... idk?
If a man has a sexy, beautiful, fun mistress on the side, and a faithful loving wife who cooked, cleaned, ironed, raised his children and kept a beautiful, stable, comfortable home for him, why would he ever file for divorce? He's already got the best of both worlds. He's got zero incentive to pop that perfect bubble.
Eventually that sweet, faithful, loving wife is going to catch him sleeping around, and yes... she is going to file for divorce. Because she deserves better, and she's sick of being taken advantage of.
And, yes; half the time, the tables are turned and it's the woman who is heartless, selfish and cruel. The solution? Pay attention to your partner. Be open to their wants and ideas, and
Because woman have unreal expectations and think TV and movies is how their reality is supposed to be. They think their world is supposed to be perfect and when reality kicks in they put the blame on the man and bail. I've been with girls where it was one mistake and it's over. No bullshit.
And also, women get with so many of the wrong guys it's funny. I know a guy at work who is a complete moron and he just purposed to his g/f. She said yes and all I could tell him was good luck. I barely know him, but I told him it probably won't work out. He was like, nah uh, it's different with me and her. I just kinda rolled my eyes.
One observation I made last night with a friend (she is filing for divorce cause her husband is a dick) I believe many men are not happy with their partner. Men settle more than women. that's why you find married men cheating all the time. the problem with this is that when you choose 2nd prize, and see some with their 1st prize, it's starts eating at a man. He starts resenting his girl when all along its his own poor choice that got him into the mess. Then he becomes a total dick to her. Then that shows and she rightfully files for a divorce. the guy won't do it. A guy who settles is also too much of a pussie to take control over his own life yet alone file for a divorce.
I think it's mostly because guys are really bad at breaking up with a girl. We don't know how to do it. Like, what do you say to get them to leave you alone without hurting them?
Plus, the joke is that men are afraid of commitment. But that's not true. The truth is that guys take commitment seriously. Girls don't seem to take it as seriously - or at least not as guys define it. To a guy, committing to someone means they are committing to them as they are. When girls commit to someone the first thing they do is try to change them - that's not commitment to a person, that's commitment to a project. And when that project doesn't work out, they just drop it.
One time, I've read that woman didn't hesitate to divorce or break up even when they were pregnant. The explanation was that when those women realize that they fell out of love, they want more for themselves. They don't want to settle in a relationship that don't fulfill them. They believe that their will have a brighter future on their own or with someone else so they don't hesitate to take the divorce decision.
because guys and girls think and work differently. Girls usually endure and keep their hurt inside, never expressing any issues they might be having. Or even if they do, guys just don't seem to take it seriously. So the pain piles up in a woman's heart, while a guy is relaxed and settled and thinks everything is working smoothly. So when a woman decides that she's had enough, she will decide to leave. Only when a woman finally decides to get out of the relationship will a guy actually start to analyse his mistakes and what went wrong. So yeah, women usually see the issues immediately and men most of the time see reality in hindsight.
Why keep the cow when you can get the milk delivered to your door for free?
Now that women can get everything in a divorce why stay married? Just steal the milk. Now that women are creating a new 'me' culture for themselves, tend to avoid personal responsibility, think that they should be accepted exactly as they are because women are just awesome, bring little to a marrage, and think of marriage as a contract only to be honered when times are good, we now see the consequences of that. Now men are turning away from marriage and to a lesser extent women in general. That says a lot about how things are going. Despite what women think of themselves as a sex, the reality is they aren't as awesome as they think.
Women love to bitch about men's shitty behaviour throughout history. And are now acting shitty themselves rather than creating something better. Apparently that's the best they can do even with the knowledge of how shitty a unbalanced society is.
Well, like you mention infidelity could be a reason. Men cheat more than women and most women won't take back a cheating man anymore they refuse to deal with it. The relationship has gone down heel, neither partner has tried to work on it, men in general don't initiate things that are going to ruffle some tale feathers so the woman does. But in general marriage isn't what it used to be, people get married to divorce. Nobody treats each other with respect in marriages , or continues to woo one another. Hence why marriage today is only a legal contract and nothing else, I will never get married. But why do people have to marry to have legal rights to each other in 2016 is beyond me, not progressive at all.
It has to do with unfair custody laws that favor women. When there is no children involved men and women file for divorce at about the same rate. When there are children involved it is rare for a man to file for divorce, and if he does, then he believes for some reason he can prove she is an unfit mother and keep custody. Basically anyone with kids that files for divorce thinks they will be able to get custody of the children.
The women did all of the administrative work in the marriage, so she continues to do it in the divorce. I personally know a handful of divorces where the woman did the filing, but the man had moved out with someone else! Not that it's never the woman's fault... Just that she usually files either way.
Cynical? So they get a big cheque and a house...
Less cynical - because they expect too much of men. Bought up spoiled by daddy with an expectation that men are knights in shining armour ready to come riding in on a white steed to rescue them from boredom. Which happens at the start of a relationship. Then they get left alone at home or whatever and get bored again... thinking is this my life for ever? Maybe there's something better out there? Never realising that it's partly their fault also that the relationship is stale. It requires work from oth parties to rescue it. But the man doesn't think there is a problem because he's at work, out with friends etc having a good time whilst wife is at home doing the laundry. She talks to him about - he gets pissed off because she couches it as a criticism of him - when he thinks his "job" (provide shelter, food, security and children) are being done well...
I think it's because divorces benefit them more. They get a lot more material stuff.
In countries where men keep the house and kids men file for divorce.
In countries where women keep the house and kids they file for divorce far more often.
I recall reading about one country in Northern Europe that was trying to make 50/50 physical custody of kids with minimal child support the norm (since each parent had similar costs). The rate women filed for divorce dropped from being twice men's level to roughly the same level.
It's not that women divorce thinking they can get stuff. It's that unhappy women are less likely to stay out of fear of losing their children.
Unlike my ex husband I felt that getting an annulment was absolutely necessary and we never split anything. He wanted to get a divorce so he could clean me out (his words), but me being quick on my feet I went to get the annulment papers and it was over in three months.
Because women are often more in love with the idea of being in love. It's said that women want commitment more, yet often don't stick with it. People say women mature more about love and relationships, yet in the end really haven't developed to know exactly what they want or need.
I also notice that when men are really serious about a relationship, he sticks with it. That's why men call for divorce far less. When they marry, they often know more that it's what they want and they're happy with the woman. This isn't the case for all men, but I think it is for most.
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