I lost all my dignity after a break up, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

We broke up 9 months ago. he had cheated on me and lied about it and then decided he didn't want to be with me. I was a mess, cried, called him, texted him, begged for him back, and to no prevail. I was finally able to cool down and give him space, and we began hanging out again. however, I basically became his doormat as he was only using me for sex. now he has cut all ties, blocked me on all social media, and says things are done for good. what can i do to gain my dignity back? will he always think of me as a woman who does not respect herself?

You can't do anything. But who cares? He's not worth your time.

You made a fool of yourself. Nothing can change that.

If you work on building up your self esteem and becoming the best version of yourself he may view you differently.

[Esplorare]

The first step to rediscovering dignity is for you to stop acting as if you were put on this Earth to please and impress him. You speak as if your life's mission is to make this deceitful, disloyal, grimy, sleazy asshole think highly of you although it seems as if there's nothing respectable about his mind. You may feel like it matters if he always thinks of you as a woman who doesn't respect herself, but in actual reality his view on you is absolutely worthless and contains zero value because he doesn't even respect himself or the female experience.

What you must do is cry. Give yourself one good, dramatic, ugly cry. Be as loud or shake as awkwardly as you'd like. Punch a pillow or two. Toss yourself onto the nearest inanimate object the way all the Disney princesses do. Cry. Get it all out then vow to yourself that it will be the last time you cry like that over this piece of chit.

Second, graciously acknowledge that you allowed him to diminish your dignity then forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up and further making your internal dialogue negative. Listen love, there are two types of women: Women who have done this before and women who have not YET done this before. We don't all pop out of the womb like strong, self-respect nurturing, boyfriend-respect-demanding little Xenia Warrior Princesses who wisely avoid these situations without being hurt by them first. We learn through experience and firsthand pain.

Thirdly, block him in return. This will be very liberating for you because you are finally taking your power back and eliminating his chance to reappear and disappear from your life whenever he feels like it. Stop giving him the opportunity to be present, invited, and included into your world when he disposes of your bond and presence like it's nothing. You also need to stop thinking as if he's some prized, rare, good man because he sounds like a pathetic excuse for a good human being let alone a guy worth longing for.

After you've done these three steps, you need to give yourself time to heal and recover from the mess he's created. You've got to really explore the parts of life that excite your spirit and make you feel alive! Spend your focus, creativity, and effort on all the things that make you wildly passionate and positively productive! Fall so in love with life that whatever good he made you feel looks miniscule compared to what you've found.

[Asker]

this is amazing advice!!! thank you so much!!! I would give you most helpful opinion but sadly I already gave it away :( I guess the only reason I still see him as a good person is because he used to be an amazing boyfriend, before he changed. and I was just trying to give him another chance. But i think its time to accept that he will never go back to being that great person. Also, there's a chance he never really was that person, since he always lies and is fake and two faced I can't really know his true self.

[Esplorare]

You are very welcome! No biggie :) the important thing is that you get your help.

Stop lying to yourself and accept that he's a piss poor human being who's incapable of reaching the level you deserve.

[Asker]

the thing is he used to be sweet and caring with me. do you think if i go NC for a while then run into him looking great and moved on he will want me back?

[Esplorare]

No. Stop lying to yourself and do not reduce yourself to some pathetic, pitiful, desperate level where you ignore the fact that he's a snake and he used your body like a sexual object. That last comment sounds so very needy and desperate. NC is not some tool to help you get back an asshole who's bad for you and shits all over you.

[Asker]

so he will never come back?

[Esplorare]

Girl. Stop it. Stop secretly begging and pleading for this jerk who treated you like trash and literately disposed of you after using you to come back into your life. Why are you doing that?

[Asker]

he used to be so sweet and caring towards me and I miss that person and Im scared I will never find it in anyone else. I love him so much. he was my best friend. I don't know why he changed. he once said to me that I was so beautiful but that he didn't like telling me because he was scared it would get to my head and I would leave him for someone better and that he would never leave me. but now he has left me and no longer loves me :( he said I was the love of his life and he was never going to find anyone like me and that we were meant for each other and that we were going to end up together

[Asker]

I haven't talked to him in three weeks.

[Asker]

and he said he didn't have any feelings for me but when I would see him in person he treated me the exact way he did when we were dating.

[Esplorare]

You are being pathetic and desperate.

[Esplorare]

I don't know if this crazy talk is making sense to you because you're feeling lonely on Valentine's Day but you would have to be an absolute no self-respect having dumb ass to go back to a guy who cheated on you, used you for sex, and basically made you his bitch by walking all over you.

[Esplorare]

You are clinging onto his sweet nothings. Those words mean nothing. If he truly felt that way, then he wouldn't have cheated on you then disposed of you. Stop allowing yourself to be manipulated.

[Esplorare]

I am not going to encourage you to long for a disrespectful snake who shitted all over you or give you advice on how to manipulate him with NC/ignoring him and covertly pining after him.

[Asker]

well then to whom will he get married in the end?

[Esplorare]

It's none of your business. You two are no longer together therefore it's none of your business who he is involved with in the future. The more important fact is that it won't be you which is a GOOD THING considering he's a cheater, a user, and a manipulator. Look at how he's got you wrapped around his finger even after thoroughly shitting all over you and stripping you of your dignity. It sounds like you are at a point where you are so desperate for love and a quick, false self-esteem pick-me-up that you're willing to accept being emotionally abused and treated like cum rag by an asshole who doesn't deserve your thought or energy.

I hate to be harsh but it seems like the only thing that will get through to you since you are desperately clinging to hope that this snake will change his ways.

[Esplorare]

Also, I don't think it's that he had some big, major change: I think it's that his true colors finally began to reveal themselves.

[xviiinfinitum]

don't be with someone who has cheated on you.

it's hard to see now but you're worth so much more than him. you're not defined by the breakup or your actions post-breakup. you're not defined by any of the small things like this.

at the end of the day you need to change yourself for YOURSELF. you can't become a better (or say, the BEST) version you have ever been just to get him back, otherwise if he brushes you off you'll fall back to the same pattern. you need to do it for no one's approval.

source: life experience

[Asker]

thank you so much. so he will never come back?

[Ash_12]

I have been there done that and honestly, even though it's hard, you have to realise this person is not worth it! You do not deserve someone like that. Honestly they are below you. Block everything related to him. You know what? When you start to feel better he will realise what he's lost because he will be lonely. Do. Not. Cave. That was my problem. Stand strong and don't let him reel you back in. Good luck xx stay strong

[Asker]

I can't imagine being with anyone but him. he used to be so sweet and caring and loved me so much. do you think if i go NC for four months then run into him he will see me happy and moved on and feel like he shouldn't have let me go? even if he says he has no feelings but when we hang out acts like he does?

[Ash_12]

I know :( I get how you feel. Some days I still have moments where I cry a little but I stop myself because I know I need to pick myself up. I need to ask you, why do you think he is worth the heart ache that he caused you? Aside from because you can't imagine being with anyone else. What true qualities do you miss? Can you overlook how he stabbed you in the back? It's so hard to see it, I know. And I really feel for you because no girl deserves that treatment. As hard as it is to hear, the way he treated you at the end of the relationship shows more about the person than how he treated you during it.
If you go the NC for however long, and at the end you do honestly think he is the one and you can forgive and forget what he did, then I do think seeing you happy and feeling good will have some sort of impact on him. But make sure during the NC you discover yourself and you might like life without him, as sad as it is to say.

[little_bird1]

I've been there as well. The good thing about it is that feeling you get after your dignity comes back. All of a sudden you feel so damn strong and experienced, and you realize that he actually did you a favor and that being stupid made you smarter. :)

[Asker]

thanks for the advice :) in your experience, after you got your dignity back, did he want you back?

[little_bird1]

No, I don't think so. And who cares anyways? The point is that I don't want him back. You'll get there as well, eventually.

[Asker]

I can't imagine myself ever not wanting to be with him :( do you think if I go NC for four months, then see him and do my best to appear happy, strong, and look good, that there is a chance he will miss me or regret leaving me?

[little_bird1]

Do what you feel doing. A lot of people told me that I should just cut ties and delete this looser from life, but I just couldn't, even though I should've because the healing process wouldn't be that long. Staying in contact with him just prolonged the pain. I realized that I was just clinging onto him and onto "belief" that he is not that bad and that his actions are justified and that all I need is to change myself so he doesn't leave me again. I was defending him by putting myself down. It was easier to blame me then to blame him that our relationship failed. So we stayed friends (in hope that he's gonna realize that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and all that). But after awhile, by just being friends, I started to notice all the bad things about him that I couldn't see while being in a relationship. It just didn't feel right and I started to like him less. He was this amazing boyfriend, but such an ugly friend (person). To be continued...

[Asker]

that described how I feel word for word. however, event though I see his bad qualities, I still want to be with him

[little_bird1]

He treated me like crap and I couldn't complain because he's not obligated to treat me like a queen anymore, right. But that "crappy treatment" was not really so crappy, I exaggerated it because "the loving treatment" was all I experienced from him. This new treatment was new for me, but it was just a normal treatment in fact, he treated me like anyone else and like anyone would treat anyone else. He treated me like I treated some of my not so close friends. Not bad but not loving either. And that treatment helped me see him in a true light, for who he really is. And I didn't like it. I could see it from third point of view how his life is a mess and how shallow and empty he really is. You can't see this when you are in love, the pink glasses don't let you. So I stopped liking him, even tough I still cared about well being. It was just sad. Eventually I stopped enjoying his company and got over him. He's nothing special, he's just an ordinary, immature boy.

[Asker]

thanks so much for your help. I really appreciate it. can I ask how old you were when this happened?

[Asker]

I feel the exact way as everything you are saying. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to be with me. he once told me he thought I was so beautiful but that he didn't like telling me too much because he was scared it would get to my head and I would leave him for someone better. he said I was the love of his life and he was never going to find anyone like me and that he was always going to love me and I was perfect and we were going to get married because we were meant for each other. and now its like we were never anything. he doesn't seem to care about me at all. treats me how he treats any other person. how did all this change? why did he stop loving me?

[little_bird1]

When we broke up? I was 25. I'm 26 now. And we were together for 3 years.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Staying in touch with him, hoping and loosing all my dignity also happened for a reason and I don't regret it. It happened what it needed to be done to open my eyes. I remember what my friend told me back then when I asked her what to do - "I think you need this mistake.". And she was right. :)

[melnc]

sometimes there's no benefit from returning some people to our life, so what the benefit of oxygen if returned to dead person?
sorry, but you the only one who brings sadness to you.
just don't change for anyone, but if you want to change (change for yourself), cuz who loves you won't make or ask you to change.

learn how to love yourself first and the rest will come.

[Meezy96K]

if he treats like that it's over for him but for you it's only the start sharp up and act like nothing happened it was a mistake move on and what you have done with him was out of love but next time don't give your heart and vigina like it's on sale

[Asker]

thank you!!

[cahdee]

Go with a guy who appreciates a girl like that. My wife is the same way. She would let her ex do whatever he wanted to her in an attempt to get him back. He never appreciated that. Well her lowered self esteem worked in my and her favor because she met me and did the same thing to try and hold on to me. Only I appreciated the things she let me do. I value having a woman like that. Don’t change. Don’t let him make you a prideful b word! Find a guy that is man enough to treat you right and get the sex special treatment at the same time. I tell my wife all the time I’m glad that guy “messed up her self esteem”. I treat her great and she’s happier than ever before and I get a woman that doesn’t think she’s too good to do the stuff I always wanted to do in bed. We’re now happily married for 13 years almost.

[Krystyon]

Dear God... Sweety you are simply better than this, you are a Human Being of great worth, it's just tragic you don't know it, and even worse he knows you don't know it.
Dump his ASS and just run it off, seriously, take up jogging, biking or fuckin College, anything but giving this piece of shit you're soul!

[Asker]

thank you!!

[SunDevil11]

You can rebuild your dignity for yourself, but why go back to him if he cheated on you, used you again, and basically has no respect or care for you at all?

[Asker]

very true.. thank you!

[sailorjupiter]

it's over, just move on and you'll find someone better who deserve you

[swampfawkes]

Why do you even care what he thinks of you? You can't change the past but you can move forward.

[Asker]

thanks for the advice!!

[Anonymous]

At this point, he doesn't consider you even worth calling over to stick his dick in your wet holes. That's what he thinks of you.

Move the fuck on.

[TheOldMan59]

Actually he did you a favour. What he thinks of you doesn't matter, he's kind of a douchebag. Try to be a little kinder to yourself in future.

[timmy111]

Improve yourself and find better v👍👍

[Asker]

thanks!!

[timmy111]

The futures funny, in time hindsight is likely to show it was the best thing possible for you at the time.
Stay positive 👍👍

[Nerdvana]

Why did you lose all your dignity?

[Dandeus]

Both A and B apply.