I lost all my dignity after a break up, what can I do?

We broke up 9 months ago. he had cheated on me and lied about it and then decided he didn't want to be with me. I was a mess, cried, called him, texted him, begged for him back, and to no prevail. I was finally able to cool down and give him space, and we began hanging out again. however, I basically became his doormat as he was only using me for sex. now he has cut all ties, blocked me on all social media, and says things are done for good. what can i do to gain my dignity back? will he always think of me as a woman who does not respect herself?

  • You can't do anything. But who cares? He's not worth your time.
    Vote A
  • You made a fool of yourself. Nothing can change that.
    Vote B
  • If you work on building up your self esteem and becoming the best version of yourself he may view you differently.
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • if he treats like that it's over for him but for you it's only the start sharp up and act like nothing happened it was a mistake move on and what you have done with him was out of love but next time don't give your heart and vigina like it's on sale

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been there as well. The good thing about it is that feeling you get after your dignity comes back. All of a sudden you feel so damn strong and experienced, and you realize that he actually did you a favor and that being stupid made you smarter. :)

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    • thanks for the advice :) in your experience, after you got your dignity back, did he want you back?

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    • I feel the exact way as everything you are saying. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to be with me. he once told me he thought I was so beautiful but that he didn't like telling me too much because he was scared it would get to my head and I would leave him for someone better. he said I was the love of his life and he was never going to find anyone like me and that he was always going to love me and I was perfect and we were going to get married because we were meant for each other. and now its like we were never anything. he doesn't seem to care about me at all. treats me how he treats any other person. how did all this change? why did he stop loving me?

    • When we broke up? I was 25. I'm 26 now. And we were together for 3 years.

      I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Staying in touch with him, hoping and loosing all my dignity also happened for a reason and I don't regret it. It happened what it needed to be done to open my eyes. I remember what my friend told me back then when I asked her what to do - "I think you need this mistake.". And she was right. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • sometimes there's no benefit from returning some people to our life, so what the benefit of oxygen if returned to dead person?
    sorry, but you the only one who brings sadness to you.
    just don't change for anyone, but if you want to change (change for yourself), cuz who loves you won't make or ask you to change.

    learn how to love yourself first and the rest will come.

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  • You can rebuild your dignity for yourself, but why go back to him if he cheated on you, used you again, and basically has no respect or care for you at all?

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    • very true.. thank you!

  • Improve yourself and find better všŸ‘šŸ‘

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    • thanks!!

    • The futures funny, in time hindsight is likely to show it was the best thing possible for you at the time.
      Stay positive šŸ‘šŸ‘

  • Dear God... Sweety you are simply better than this, you are a Human Being of great worth, it's just tragic you don't know it, and even worse he knows you don't know it.
    Dump his ASS and just run it off, seriously, take up jogging, biking or fuckin College, anything but giving this piece of shit you're soul!

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  • Both A and B apply.

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  • Actually he did you a favour. What he thinks of you doesn't matter, he's kind of a douchebag. Try to be a little kinder to yourself in future.

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  • Why did you lose all your dignity?

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  • Why do you even care what he thinks of you? You can't change the past but you can move forward.

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    • thanks for the advice!!

  • At this point, he doesn't consider you even worth calling over to stick his dick in your wet holes. That's what he thinks of you.

    Move the fuck on.

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What Girls Said 4

  • The first step to rediscovering dignity is for you to stop acting as if you were put on this Earth to please and impress him. You speak as if your life's mission is to make this deceitful, disloyal, grimy, sleazy asshole think highly of you although it seems as if there's nothing respectable about his mind. You may feel like it matters if he always thinks of you as a woman who doesn't respect herself, but in actual reality his view on you is absolutely worthless and contains zero value because he doesn't even respect himself or the female experience.

    What you must do is cry. Give yourself one good, dramatic, ugly cry. Be as loud or shake as awkwardly as you'd like. Punch a pillow or two. Toss yourself onto the nearest inanimate object the way all the Disney princesses do. Cry. Get it all out then vow to yourself that it will be the last time you cry like that over this piece of chit.

    Second, graciously acknowledge that you allowed him to diminish your dignity then forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up and further making your internal dialogue negative. Listen love, there are two types of women: Women who have done this before and women who have not YET done this before. We don't all pop out of the womb like strong, self-respect nurturing, boyfriend-respect-demanding little Xenia Warrior Princesses who wisely avoid these situations without being hurt by them first. We learn through experience and firsthand pain.

    Thirdly, block him in return. This will be very liberating for you because you are finally taking your power back and eliminating his chance to reappear and disappear from your life whenever he feels like it. Stop giving him the opportunity to be present, invited, and included into your world when he disposes of your bond and presence like it's nothing. You also need to stop thinking as if he's some prized, rare, good man because he sounds like a pathetic excuse for a good human being let alone a guy worth longing for.

    After you've done these three steps, you need to give yourself time to heal and recover from the mess he's created. You've got to really explore the parts of life that excite your spirit and make you feel alive! Spend your focus, creativity, and effort on all the things that make you wildly passionate and positively productive! Fall so in love with life that whatever good he made you feel looks miniscule compared to what you've found.

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    • this is amazing advice!!! thank you so much!!! I would give you most helpful opinion but sadly I already gave it away :( I guess the only reason I still see him as a good person is because he used to be an amazing boyfriend, before he changed. and I was just trying to give him another chance. But i think its time to accept that he will never go back to being that great person. Also, there's a chance he never really was that person, since he always lies and is fake and two faced I can't really know his true self.

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    • It's none of your business. You two are no longer together therefore it's none of your business who he is involved with in the future. The more important fact is that it won't be you which is a GOOD THING considering he's a cheater, a user, and a manipulator. Look at how he's got you wrapped around his finger even after thoroughly shitting all over you and stripping you of your dignity. It sounds like you are at a point where you are so desperate for love and a quick, false self-esteem pick-me-up that you're willing to accept being emotionally abused and treated like cum rag by an asshole who doesn't deserve your thought or energy.

      I hate to be harsh but it seems like the only thing that will get through to you since you are desperately clinging to hope that this snake will change his ways.

    • Also, I don't think it's that he had some big, major change: I think it's that his true colors finally began to reveal themselves.

  • don't be with someone who has cheated on you.

    it's hard to see now but you're worth so much more than him. you're not defined by the breakup or your actions post-breakup. you're not defined by any of the small things like this.

    at the end of the day you need to change yourself for YOURSELF. you can't become a better (or say, the BEST) version you have ever been just to get him back, otherwise if he brushes you off you'll fall back to the same pattern. you need to do it for no one's approval.

    source: life experience

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    • thank you so much. so he will never come back?

  • I have been there done that and honestly, even though it's hard, you have to realise this person is not worth it! You do not deserve someone like that. Honestly they are below you. Block everything related to him. You know what? When you start to feel better he will realise what he's lost because he will be lonely. Do. Not. Cave. That was my problem. Stand strong and don't let him reel you back in. Good luck xx stay strong

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    • I can't imagine being with anyone but him. he used to be so sweet and caring and loved me so much. do you think if i go NC for four months then run into him he will see me happy and moved on and feel like he shouldn't have let me go? even if he says he has no feelings but when we hang out acts like he does?

    • I know :( I get how you feel. Some days I still have moments where I cry a little but I stop myself because I know I need to pick myself up. I need to ask you, why do you think he is worth the heart ache that he caused you? Aside from because you can't imagine being with anyone else. What true qualities do you miss? Can you overlook how he stabbed you in the back? It's so hard to see it, I know. And I really feel for you because no girl deserves that treatment. As hard as it is to hear, the way he treated you at the end of the relationship shows more about the person than how he treated you during it.
      If you go the NC for however long, and at the end you do honestly think he is the one and you can forgive and forget what he did, then I do think seeing you happy and feeling good will have some sort of impact on him. But make sure during the NC you discover yourself and you might like life without him, as sad as it is to say.

  • it's over, just move on and you'll find someone better who deserve you

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