Why to boyfriends make jokes about breaking up?

[Anonymous]

So awhile back, my boyfriend and I had kind of a big conversation about me needing to work on things, and then a few days later he'd say things like this relationship is one of the realest, and i dont say i love just ot say it. but the next day he joked about breaking up. he said this " its over," i said what? cause i was confused. he repeated the same thing over, and then he video called me saying " its over, my song is over.." I was like what.. he hung up and i asked why he video called me he said because he wanted to see if i was crying. I was like well kind of cause you were telling me. Im just kind of confused why he would do this? he did this another time to.

[Anonymous]

In my experience this is a mistake many, not just men, people new to relationships tend to commit. It is a pain-game in which you tear at the other persons emotions in order to see them more clearly. A game that can become very addictive.

It would typically stem from an insecurity of your feelings towards him. Doing what he did forces them to the surface in an intensified manner. Now I am naturally only guessing and for all we know he might just have the world's worst humor, but this is the explanation that seemed most relevant to me.

Stopping this game is typically about making doubly clear that you won't tolerate it but that you do, really, truly love him. And remind him of that, a few times more often than you would normally think necessary.

[Asker]

Well, he did say this relationship is like the first time he has been in a serious relationship. I mean, I get it I'm kind of a closed person, because of past relationships, but if he asks me anything of course ill tell him all he needs to know. But I totally get what your trying to get at here.

[Opinion Owner]

Think back to it. I am willing to gamble that he goes back to normal, maybe even a little better than normal, after seeing your feelings ignite. If that is the case then it is possible I'm correct. It is up to you whether or not you want the relationship.
I'll point out again though, this has to do with insecurity due to not being confident in your emotions for him, not with him wanting to hurt you or play with your feelings.

Naturally he could just be an asshole who wants to play with you and hurt your feelings. Personal judgement.

[Asker]

Yeah he goes back to being normal all lovey and stuff,

[Opinion Owner]

Well. Insecure. Needs to see your emotions more. Wants to know you love him. He also needs you to snap his nose, tell him you know what he is doing and that he won't have to do it anymore. If he does, I don't know, spank him. Do something. It is a silly ploy to see that you care. Nothing more.

[Asker]

Lol I see. Thank you so much for your opinion.

[Opinion Owner]

I am serious though. He does that again, you put him on your lap. Tell him you love him and then you spank his ass so he remembers it. No point having the two of you feeling insecure.

[Mesonfielde]

He is testing your reactions. It's a form of manipulation.

[lumos]

"my boyfriend and I had kind of a big conversation about me needing to work on things"
Seems like HE is the one who needs to work on things. Who the fuck does something like that, and *twice*? Honestly, the second time I would have enough and just be like "fuck yeah we are, I don't have time for this crap anymore".
Seems like he's just testing you, especially since he wanted to see if you cried. It's like a fucked up way of seeing how much he matters to you and how you'd react if you broke up for real. That's really childish and pathetic. You should really ask yourself if this is the kind of person you can trust and see a future with. You don't play around with serious shit like breaking up. So insensitive.

[Asker]

Yeah we talked about him being a big sorry for my language but dick, and he knows it. He has been better, but like it's something that i constantly have to deal with kinda bringing me down, which is not what I want. Yeah you shouldn't play around with breaking up cause he did it the second time, he was l like I think we should take a break, and he is like let me think about it and then he was like come here we need to talk, he says it as like we done. its kinda fucked up. thanks!

[Najii]

My boyfriend has done that too and asks me if i cried like wtf is going in their minds, then he would say i was testing you but you were so ready to break up that you didn't even ask why or anything, the last time he did that i cut everything with him until he begging to see me...

[Asker]

Yes girl, exactly! Like after that he said that we weren't over. I was like that was a really messed up joke. Your right, I think it is better to cut things off, or at least be like next time you do it, It is done. See how he feels about that, when we say ok to what he said as a joke.

[mrfoox]

This... Sounds rather harsh and insensitive of him... I really do not see why he'd do that to you? You should tell him to stop joking in that way, I'd get hurt and become insecure if my partner did these things as a 'joke'.

[Asker]

I've become more insecure, because like I don't know when he is going to do that again. Its been twice, and I do not think I can be in this relationship anymore... if you know what I mean.

[mrfoox]

Yes i completely understand, you feeling safe and secure with your partner is what's important, and if you can't feel like that with him, then there will be someone else who can! Take care

[serious]

That's a very strange behavior on his part.

[dominiquois]

To see how you would react

[BertMacklinFBI]

he's a joker.

[Ialexwonderful]

maybe batman?