Does the no contact rule work and why?

Just wondering. It's been 5 days and I texted/called him almost everyday. He seemed annoyed :/ how long should I wait? Does the no contact rule work and why?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You dated. It didn't work If you couldn't make it work for more than a few months or a couple of years, why would you want that for the rest of your life?

    You don't want it for the rest of your life? Staying with an ex prevents you from moving forward and meeting someone else. To every guy who might meet you, maintaining contact with your ex is a bright red flag with warning bells and flashing neon lights.

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    • Hahaha warning bells and flashing neon lights lmaoooo yeah that's true actually. I feel like I was just comfortable around him and I didn't actually love him? Was just used to the affection and I thought I couldn't get it from any other guy :/ any advice? And most guys aren't loyal or honest and I was holding on to the comfort that he was

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    • @Iloveasianfood1 Right! Totally block him from your life and move on.

  • The No Contact rule works, and I'm proof it does.

    Don't bullshit yourself with the 30-day NC rule, NC is forever - well at least until your ex who dumped you gets in contact.

    You see, the NC rule gives a chance for your ex to start missing you.

    With the NC rule you effectively disappear from your ex's life. So if they are still at least 51% attracted to you, they'll most definitely get in contact.

    Let me share a short story.

    My ex and I broke up over a year ago. When it ended it seemed like it was permanent and I was left distraught. It was a very bitter BU with lots of shouting (from my part) and crying (from her part). We immediately stopped talking to each other.

    The radio silence continued for months. By the 5th month, I knew it was over and that I'd never hear from her again. By the 8th month, I was over her - I was over the relationship and I could finally wake up without her on my mind, I could finally fall asleep without keeping myself awake.

    All changed in April though.

    I have the FaceBook messenger on my phone, an app I check every once in a while to see if friends have got in contact. A MESSAGE FROM MY EX!! I was shocked, I was surprised and, for a moment, I was happy.

    You know what she sent? She wanted "advice". After a year of silence, of not talking, she wants ADVICE?

    Bullshit. It was as excuse to talk.

    This is why I assumed she wanted to see me, so I said "(her name), it's been so nice to hear from you and I'd love to see you, when are you free/back?"

    I can tell you it took a lot of courage to send it and I was very nervous when I did, but she replied quickly and got this reply.

    "I'm back the 10th and I'm definitely up for a catch up :)"

    You see?

    When you go NC it has to be for you and only you. Your ex isn't a priority anymore, you are. It's up to them to reach out if they regret the BU or miss you.

    The strongest negotiation position is to walk away and mean it.

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    • Thank you so much for the encouragement. I've always seen no contact as a chance just to let your ex miss you but I guess I can do that as well work on a more improved version of myself! Thanks again and hope ur love life is awesome haha :)
      God bless

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't believe in the "no contact rule" You either speak to me or you don't. If a guy didn't appreciate my presence then I'd make him appreciate my absence by never contact him again. It doesn't work in my case, because if someone intentionally ignores me then i never disturb them again

    I need to resolve issues etc by communication, not by avoiding problems by ignoring each other.

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  • Depends on if you are using the no contact rule as a tool of manipulation or whether you are sincere with your decision to not keep in touch.

    If you're simply using the no contact rule as a covert plan to manipulatively make him miss you, then he'll sense your needy heart moments after you two start speaking again. What's best is to truly move forward and focus on having a healthy, happy life that doesn't revolve around some scheme to make him want you back. That's usually when the exes start wanting you again; when you don't want them anymore, you are confident and don't desire to be theirs, and you're living a beautiful life that they'd want to tag along on.

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    • Thanks for the comment. I won't get my hopes high and continue living my life :) so if he does want me back it'll be a pleasant surprise heheh
      Thanks and God bless :)

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What Guys Said 23

  • It depends on the circumstances, everyone is different, length of the relationship, etc... If he is abusive, then NC indefinitely; if he is being a jerk and taking you for granted and you are still in a relationship, a couple of days. I generally believe that the person that was the one who broke off the relationship should be the one to re-initiate contact, if you are the dumpee and try to initiate contact, then you just give the power back to him which negates the purpose of no contact. The general rule is 30 days, but this is not because you are trying to manipulate them, it is because you should be working on yourself and doing things that you have been putting off when you were in the relationship.

    Yes, it will help you get over them, time heals all wounds... and whether the dumper misses the dumpee, that is not something that can be predicted, everyone is different. If the dumper is a narcissist, then he will probably come back because he misses the attention you gave him (narcissistic supply).

    I would move on with your life, it is not worth focusing your attention until you need to focus your attention; if you try to contact him you will appear needy and desperate.

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  • No contact isn't a ploy to get someone to come back. It is a way for you to heal and process the loss of the relationship. You two have broken up a couple of times, he obviously doesn't want to go back to a committed relationship with you - and you have never worked on the issues that broke you up in the first place. Focus on you, and whether you really deserve a relationship with this kind of turmoil.

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    • HI, its more about the fact that i want him back. our relationship used to be so good. When i see the things he used to say and do. we were starting to work things out by the time i found him with a girl.

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    • i feel like crying all the time, and the gym used to be my comfort, but i hate the gym. she goes to the same gym i do, so seeing her face its just so hurtful, its a constant reminder.

    • I understand all that. It's part of the grieving process when a relationship fails. Take time to heal. It's a recent wound. It will get better.

  • It only works if you're trying to break up. If he's pissed and he doesn't tell you, then move on. Don't drag yourself through the dirt for someone else.
    Ask him why he's annoyed, if he doesn't reply, move on.

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  • At this point I would roll up the middle finger and be like "Adios". Fuck that shit, I hate this fucking mind games and shit. You either want to date this guy or you don't, and for some odd reason woman and man waste each others time with some stupid ass shit.

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  • HAHA My Ex have text me after one year but that was on my birthday. so if there was true love i mean mutual understanding then there is no problem to text him.

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  • You should leave him alone, I've always gone at least 2 years before I talk to an ex. It gives times to cool down and not be so pissed about our relationship going sour. I also don't have a Facebook or anything, so it's not like I have to see their shit thrown in my face.
    If you guys broke up than clearly there was a reason for that. So sometimes its better to cut your losses and walk away, and usually to do that you need to STOP TALKING TO HIM.

    If he doesn't answer than he does not want to talk. If you keep bothering him it makes you seem kind of crazy, and I'm sure you don't want that reputation.

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  • Okay you've given almost no information so I have to ask what is your relationship with this guy and why are you trying to apply this five day rule?

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  • How long should it last? Until you stop having the urge to call or text them.

    Yeah it helps. Can't move on if you are constantly reminded of the person you are trying to move on from.

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    • agreed.

    • haven't spoken to him since we broke up which was 2 weeks ago, even though he was like 'you can call/message me anytime you want' 'we'll catch up after exams' (exams finish this week)

  • I don't really see the no contact rule as a way to get back with them. It's a way to learn how to not depend on them. Whether you're both a great match for each other is a different approach.

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  • The texting game is an extremely childish thing to do !

    Doesn't speak of much maturity from his part... move on if nothing happens

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  • I'm a big believer in the idea that the no-contact period must last at least half the length of the relationship. In theory, anyway. In practice, I prefer to make a clean break and never look back.

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  • For me No Contact is synonymous to them being "dead to you".

    In my experience so far No Contact works, but not necessarily in the way you think it.

    Sure I'd love my ex to contact me soon, because then I'd know she has been thinking about me and is missing me... but not being in contact with her has allowed to be to get back in control of my emotions that were blown apart when the break up happened.

    Being in No Contact has also allowed me to see her in a better light. I'm so used to seeing exes as complete bitches and whatever, but I see my current ex as she was before the break up - a very special person who is very dear to me.

    Bottom line is I do hope she contacts me and that we can meet up to talk it all out... but if she doesn't, at least I've got my self-respect back!

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  • yes it does. takes about 1-2 months. i'm not gonna waste paragraphs to explain.

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  • I've been recently broken up with, the relationship was 1.5 years, we shared an apartment and after all of it we divided everything up accordingly. The catch is that I will be keeping her dog with me and my dog until she ends up getting her own place. While no contact has certainly been great, there are other things where communication is needed, which makes my situation a little different than yours. Generally speaking, the less contact the better for me. It really depends on your motives. If you want to get over the relationship and the ex does as well, I vote no contact.

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  • https://www. girlsaskguys. com/other/q1053892-have-you-ever-run-over-another-person-s-foot-your-foot-run-over-by

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  • It's over. Move on

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  • If she left you, she was clear she dosen't want you back. No contact is going to make her miss and make you regain confidence. If you talked and didn't resolve problems, start no contact before it's too late.

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  • I hate games like this, but unfortunately many of us guys have played it. Don't call or text for at least 72hrs, if you can make it longer do, if he is truly into you he will find a way to get in touch with you. Also if he does text don't be immediately available, make him wait a few minutes, then tell him sorry but you were busy, if he has any interest he will work harder to keep in touch.

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    • Thanks mate for the encouragement and advice! God bless

  • It works for me, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone. :)

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  • In my experience, it works more for guys, and only in certain circumstances. It almost never works for girls to get a guy back, though it can help to get over them.

    "how long should you go no contact for? even though you have this urge to text your ex..."

    For ever. Do not give in to that urge. Ever.

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  • It depends on the situation, I think it is designed for you to regain power when you are feeling powerless. Personally I haven't gone no contact yet, but I tried to work things out with my ex, but in truth it just wasn't meant to be at the time, and it was something that needed to happen. Though I still miss her and want her back more than anything, knowing that I care so much and having no idea how she feels sucks, so in my case I probably should cut myself off (fb, twitter, etc.)

    I think the idea is just to distance yourself from the situation so that your emotions and logic can come back into balance rather than running too much off emotion. Like anything in life there is no "one-size fits all" per se, and what works for some doesn't work for everyone, but you have to understand why or why not something is best for you

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    • I'd also just add that sometimes being in contact doesn't solve anything either, as often we interact and don't get what we had hoped for, because we wanted something predetermined out of the conversation. It's all about being balanced and in control

  • No contact rule doesn't really work because it doesn't really resolve anything.

    No contact means running away from the problem.

    Constant contact actually works because it shows that you still care for the person.

    It's not neediness, desperation or being clingy.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Never ever text or call a guy first. Call me old fashion but guys find that girls that call or text a lot are desperate. Not saying that you are. Sometimes we get excited and rush things. But a guy likes the challenge of the hard to get girl. So even though It may be tough, don't text or call him anymore if he likes you he will come running.

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  • I think it does. It makes sense. If the person doesn't want you now then nothing is going to change that. Right now it's over and this person doesn't want you. So anything you do is just going to push them away further. Distance however gives them time to miss you and reflect upon things. It does also help in the healing process for the dumpee. You can't move on if you keep talking to the person, keeping hope somewhere in your heart. It doesn't work. There needs to be time apart.

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    • yeah we broke up 2 weeks ago, haven't spoken to him since since he's like 'you can talk/call me anytime you want', took that as a sign to not call and message him ever hahaah

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    • That is the answer I have been looking for thank you so much!

    • @RomanceMan201 My pleasure :) Glad I could help :))

  • When you break up, you need to stay broken up. Generally there is a significant reason you did (unless of course it is something that the person truly changed to win you back, say alcoholism). Trying to be friends doesn't really work until a significant amount of time has passed and you were friends first for a decent amount of time. Just let it go, and stop crying. I didn't even cry that long over a man I almost married that had been my best friend for 13 years.

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    • Yes but it's so hard. We introduced our parents and we were planning our engament party. I just dont understand. I know he loves me, but why would he be around this other chick. it just breaks my heart.

    • I was buying a house with my guy when he broke up with me. Things change. Life continues to move on. Best thing to do is move forward to.

  • The more you text him the more you call him, the more chance there is of him getting annoyed and dropping you entirely this is under breakup and divorce so I asked why are you texting him. Drop it see where he's coming from. It also sounds like you one want to get back together. Either way I wouldn't call them what text him the ball is in his court

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    • So trueeee, thanks! Just constantly worried that he will find someone if I don't talk to him :/ but if that's the case probably he wasn't that into me anyways right

    • That is absolutely correct

  • The no contact rule only works when you are using it to help yourself heal not to make someone come back

    I'm not saying that is your intention to make him but the contact rule should help you not the other person

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  • There is no waiting. No contact is for you to focus on yourself and slowly forget about that person who isn't worth it. They say to do it for 30 days, but even if you past 30 days, you should keep going and going until you dont even have to think about it anymore. There are more important things to look forward to.

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  • Don't put you life on hold for someone hoping they will contact you when they broke up with you. Just move on from it and don't contact them ever again. If you have there number or if you are friends with them on social media block them. The best way I moved on was deleting them off of everything so I could have time to focus on myself. Just do you and be you, don't worry about him contacting you anything just keep moving forward and never look back. If he wants you back he'll come back to you, but don't give him the power of watching you suffer and definitely do not chase him. If they want you back they'll come back.

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  • get money fuck bitches

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  • No not really.

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  • Wait another five days

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  • Don't call him. It's over. Leave him along and move on.

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  • Yes and no.

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    • Care to elaborate? thanks

    • If you've been texting him a lot and no reply, it's time to stop and be patient. What I meant is that often people miss what they don't have anymore and come back however a lot when they are ignored just move on. But it depends on the circumstance.

  • The no contact rule is a ridiculous rule for adults! If you want to express something to someone then contact is imperative!
    All the no contact does is break your connection with someone - I should know... My BF has been doing the no contact on me for the past 3 weeks! All it's done is make me go off him for doing it! How can a grown man behave in such a way! I think of him as pathetic now. If he'd have sustained the contact we would have at least have been friends, and be able to talk things through ( get some closure) as mature adults!
    I will never forgive him for doing this to me! It is THE worst thing a person could do to someone - not letting them know where they stand etc...it is CRUEL!!!

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