Most Helpful Guys
You dated. It didn't work If you couldn't make it work for more than a few months or a couple of years, why would you want that for the rest of your life?
You don't want it for the rest of your life? Staying with an ex prevents you from moving forward and meeting someone else. To every guy who might meet you, maintaining contact with your ex is a bright red flag with warning bells and flashing neon lights.
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The No Contact rule works, and I'm proof it does.
Don't bullshit yourself with the 30-day NC rule, NC is forever - well at least until your ex who dumped you gets in contact.
You see, the NC rule gives a chance for your ex to start missing you.
With the NC rule you effectively disappear from your ex's life. So if they are still at least 51% attracted to you, they'll most definitely get in contact.
Let me share a short story.
My ex and I broke up over a year ago. When it ended it seemed like it was permanent and I was left distraught. It was a very bitter BU with lots of shouting (from my part) and crying (from her part). We immediately stopped talking to each other.
The radio silence continued for months. By the 5th month, I knew it was over and that I'd never hear from her again. By the 8th month, I was over her - I was over the relationship and I could finally wake up without her on my mind, I could finally fall asleep without keeping myself awake.
All changed in April though.
I have the FaceBook messenger on my phone, an app I check every once in a while to see if friends have got in contact. A MESSAGE FROM MY EX!! I was shocked, I was surprised and, for a moment, I was happy.
You know what she sent? She wanted "advice". After a year of silence, of not talking, she wants ADVICE?
Bullshit. It was as excuse to talk.
This is why I assumed she wanted to see me, so I said "(her name), it's been so nice to hear from you and I'd love to see you, when are you free/back?"
I can tell you it took a lot of courage to send it and I was very nervous when I did, but she replied quickly and got this reply.
"I'm back the 10th and I'm definitely up for a catch up :)"
When you go NC it has to be for you and only you. Your ex isn't a priority anymore, you are. It's up to them to reach out if they regret the BU or miss you.
The strongest negotiation position is to walk away and mean it.
Most Helpful Girls
I don't believe in the "no contact rule" You either speak to me or you don't. If a guy didn't appreciate my presence then I'd make him appreciate my absence by never contact him again. It doesn't work in my case, because if someone intentionally ignores me then i never disturb them again
I need to resolve issues etc by communication, not by avoiding problems by ignoring each other.
Depends on if you are using the no contact rule as a tool of manipulation or whether you are sincere with your decision to not keep in touch.
If you're simply using the no contact rule as a covert plan to manipulatively make him miss you, then he'll sense your needy heart moments after you two start speaking again. What's best is to truly move forward and focus on having a healthy, happy life that doesn't revolve around some scheme to make him want you back. That's usually when the exes start wanting you again; when you don't want them anymore, you are confident and don't desire to be theirs, and you're living a beautiful life that they'd want to tag along on.