I don't know if he is mad that I am moving on without him or that he is losing his FWB.

[Anonymous]

My ex of 4 years broke up with me in Jan. saying he wasn't in love with me anymore. We went no contact, he contacted me, and has every time since. One time telling me he was feeling empty and hollow. Saying it was weird not having someone next to him anymore. Against my better judgment we became "friends with benefits". I still care about him but it is time for me to move on. Our agreement was that if we started dating we would tell one another and the FWB would end but we would still be friends. Well recently I decided I was going to start dating again and he got very p*ssed off. Saying I was making a mistake and he wouldn't bail me out. Telling me "do what you gotta do, its your life". then said "You just don't get the point. whatever. good luck. hope it works out. BYE".

I just don't understand! I still love him and would love to be with him but I just can't keep putting myself through all the emotions of not knowing if he wants to or not.

With this behavior I don't know if he is mad that I am moving on without him or that he is losing his FWB.

So guys, tell me what you think

Updates

+1 y

But why would he be hoping that things would work out if he is the one that broke up with me telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore. I am so torn, I want to get on with my life but at the same time I don't, I want to be with him. He was a great bf,

Updates

+1 y

I just want to fix things between us and I don't know how.

[ArtistBboy]

I have the exact same situation and here's what I can clearly tell you. I'm not trying to be rude to you, I have been very hurt over this situation in my own life. So listen up and I'll try to help out.

You better judgement call about the FWB is reeling in his heart again. Giving him hope that things COULD work out. But then you suddenly move on to the new guy... That's like him saying: "Hey, I'll be there to pick you up when this fails for you, we will work it out" and then when you get dumped, he says "I've moved on, stay the f*** away from me you crazy psycho".

- it's two mixed signals. He doesn't like mixed signals, no one does. Not even me

The problem is that you are having "familiarity" with the ex. If you don't feel like it's working, speak up as to what you are looking for; if he doesn't try to acknowledge what you want (whether or NOT he does or doesn't change), then it's time for you to move on.

- This means that you like having him around and he likes having you around; BUT if you both aren't being considerate of each others feelings then it's not a healthy relationship, which means it's time to move on to a better relationship and leave this chapter closed. That doesn't mean that he should instantly kiss your ass and do as he is told, to make you happy (or vice-versa for you) it means that you both should be able to understand and compromise TOGETHER.

And I'd like to add something else in here. You being with someone else, really hurts him (if he cares about you, like I cared about her)... You can check my account, I originally came on here because of her. I have stayed her a long time for her, and I eventually moved on because the bullsh*t never stopped.

If you want him as a friend, treat him like one. Stop leading him on (if you are)... Stop giving him hopes (the FWB)... Stop chasing other men (You're hurting him)... Stop the bullsh*t.. Stop the drama... Stop the games. ENOUGH!

- Just be friends, take him to the movies as a FRIEND.. Stop texting him "good night"... instead text him "i'm getting lunch and would like you to join me and jessica"... Or try and help him move on with his own life "Tom, I know someone that is interested in you. Her name is jessica, are you interested?"

If he keeps talking about relationships, stand firm: "John, I care about you as a friend. I have moved on and I'm in another relationship. You need to respect that as a man and move on from that chapter. That was the past."

Friends help friends.. Lovers help satisfy... Relationships help multiply the experience of life.

- Learn the difference, and if you EVER need help... Ask me, I'm more than happy to try and help someone that is willing, try to get over this constant bullsh*t that I am so completely fed up with.

~ ArtistBBoy

[hisangel]

I'm responding here so you get this.

I didn't say all guys are looking for sex. I said I have seen this circumstance a bunch of times. And THOSE GUYS act in this way. The only thing I said all guys like is having a girl love them and wait for them if need be.

Not all women think all men are just looking for sex. If you would look at my profile, the same way I looked at yours, you would see that I am not the woman who hates all men. Like I said, being around primarily men my whole life,

[hisangel]

I have found that I sometimes see how guys act that most girls don't. I am not trying to degrade men, but help women see what I've seen for years.

I'm sorry for the rant but I give respect to other people's advice and frankly I get tired of the adults on this site acting childishly cause they don't agree with the advice or haven't taken the time to see who the person is giving it. I have looked at your profile a long time ago and if I ever disagree with your advice I hold my tongue because

[hisangel]

I have found your advice to be sold the vast majority of the time.

While I can't say my advice is always right, I can say I try to give it responsibly, as I see you always do. So you can see when I get frustrated for hearing I'm "full of crap".

[ArtistBboy]

Thanks for explaining yourself and I can see where you took offence where I didn't intend to offend you.

I would prefer if you would have phrased this different: "He called off a relationship because there was either someone else in his life or the hope of someone else. When that didn't pan out, he started contacting you again hoping for sex."

Instead say something like: "It's likely that he wanted to use you for sex, if that's how you feel".. See the difference?

(Continued)

[ArtistBboy]

9/10 times, people on this site have a natural assumption that men are wanting to play games; when it's actually not the matter at all. Games come when we are first building attraction (Because they are fun), after that the maturity takes over and we weigh options (men are task-oriented, women are relationship-oriented)... Leaving us with "Hey, she's with someone else which means we aren't in the picture anymore. Time to say goodbye" ... Sometimes we don't say it nicely, but that is what happens

[ArtistBboy]

... And the last thing I'd like to add.. Is that no one here, would prefer hearing "The life you had with this man was a joke". (I'm not trying to say those were your intentions, but instead that what you said came off like that.)... Onward.

I'm not saying to sugar coat things or to beat around the truth. If you truly feel like you have input that this guy has been using her, great.. say it and be done. But strongly, I encourage people to avoid saying "He was using you" .. try being optimistic

[Asker]

I want to be with him that's the hard part. I'm the one that screwed things up(I didn't cheat) and I realized it and have taken the steps to fix myself and I know he sees it. I just don't know what is on his mind and he's not one to say even when asked. He has to know what I do in detail and when I don't elaborate he always asks if I have meet someone. This date I'm going on is more to start helping me move on but I don't know if I should. What do I do??

[ArtistBboy]

If he can't communicate with you, how would a true-love last? There are so many things in this situation that are screaming "Let me be free" that I'm understanding you have truly had enough loopty-loops from this relationship, to last you a lifetime. It's not gonna be easy for you to move on, and it's not fair to the new guy. BUT I do encourage you to go on the date. It will help you determine where you want things to go. .. Never get ur hopes up. I'm here if you need further help :)

[ArtistBboy]

Darling.. If he's being a d*** and you both are having troubles communicating, you're only gonna get hurt again. If you really want my help, let me know through a message.. but I don't like the idea of seeing you go through this again.

[hisangel]

You're right. I got to focused on horror stories of what I've seen that I didn't consider her heart.

[hisangel]

I just wanted to post another comment to you because I think ArtistBboy was right in that I was too harsh in my first statement. I don't want what I meant to say to get lost in my way too matter of fact comment.

I don't think your boyfriend didn't love you for 4 years. I bet he actually did. 4 years is a long time to be with someone.

And not seeing your relationship up close I can't sit here and agree with you that you had issues that drove him away. I'm sure you had issues cause we all have issues.

But he is responsible for his actions now. He had every right to end the relationship if you were this horrible person. But if you were so horrible, why did he come back? When someone pushes you away, they push you away for good. You are glad to be rid of them. You don't come back in their life for any reason. So while you may have done some things that you regret now, I do get the feeling 2 sets of shoulders need to be baring this burden.

Right now he is not treating you the way you want to be treated. And even if he isn't the kind of man who can share how he feels, he needs to be showing how he feels. And I don't get that impression he is or I don't think you would be so frustrated.

My concern right now is that he is probably saying he is very "confused". And he doesn't know what he wants. And I truly believe he is confused. You can't be with someone for 4 years and not have some attachment to them. My frustration is that he has restarted a relationship with you that is clearly not acceptable to you yet he isn't trying to change that. He seems to be showing you no inclination that things are going to get more serious but gets mad when you start thinking about the possibility of someone else.

In my experience, and all I can do is speak from my experience, all this is going to do is successfully keep you from any happiness. Even if it's not intentional. Guys who play games don't leave the biggest scars. Guys who are confused do. They never give you the freedom to move on and always are giving you hope for something more. You watch hope die and come to life again over and over again.

I think it is impossible to simply blow off a man who you have loved for 4 years. But I hope you can tell him what it is you want. That you want a man who gives you all of himself. You want it with him more than anyone but you are going to find it, even if he is not happy about the outcome.

Remember, you may have had issues that caused problems but he left. You shouldn't have to say you are sorry 1000 times and hope he forgives you because some of his actions are causing pain too. If you are a better woman now, then he needs to try to be a better man too. Please don't let him give you less than what you want.

[Asker]

I want to say thank you for leaving additional advice. I decided I was just going to confront him with my confusion. And to my surprise, he admitted his own confusion. I told him that I wanted him and him only. That I loved him so much but I also loved myself enough now to let him go completely if he didn't want me. We both agreed that we loved being with each other and commited to try again, knowing that there is still work for both of us to do.

[Asker]

We both want to fall hopelessly in love with each other again so we are taking things slow. Treating it like we where dating for the first time. Promised each other we would communicate no matter the topic. We both know that communication has been difficult and want to change that. I think I took the first step with just laying my feelings and what I wanted on the line the other night. I think it made him realize he would loose me forever if he didn't act.

[hisangel]

That is so good to hear!! I really am happy that you were able to be strong about your wants and that is so great that he was willing to listen and both you guys are trying. I think dating again, like you are starting all over, is a great idea.

I wish you guys the best. And I hope you update the question when things progress so we know how you are doing. :)

[hisangel]

OK being around mostly guys my whole life this is what I've seen in cases like this. This may be so harsh and I'm so sorry it is, but I have seen this SO MANY FREAKING TIMES.

He called off a relationship because there was either someone else in his life or the hope of someone else. When that didn't pan out, he started contacting you again hoping for sex. He found it. In a guys mind, it was just sex until someone else found a serious relationship but he thought he would find one before you did so it was OK. Unfortunately for him, you found someone. Now he gets no more sex so he is p*ssed PLUS his ego is a little bruised cause you found someone and he didn't. I'm telling you, a guy loves nothing more in life than a woman sitting around pinning for him. Because you are getting with another guy, that isn't going to happen anymore.

I'm sure he knows you have feelings for him. I think he was flattered and liked having a relationship with you that was only sex, he didn't have to do any boyfriend things. And now he is just pouting that his sex supply got cut off as did the supply of love from a woman he didn't want to love back.

Please do not let this man stop you from having a good relationship with someone else. And please do not let him get involved. He will probably try to boost his ego again by trying to get you to dump this other guy or by trying to get you to sleep with him while still being with the other guy.

Trust me, his behavior is not what you think it is. Just cause he didn't have another relationship doesn't mean anything. Even the biggest cheater or player in the world, loves having a woman sit around and wait for him.

Let your emotions move to someone else cause until he is willing to get back into a committed relationship with you again, he is just looking for sex and a good ego boost. And the relationship you have been in for the past few months gave him both.

[ArtistBboy]

You're full of crap off the first paragraph. Not all guys look for sex.

[Asker]

I know for a fact there was no one else. I screwed it up but not by cheating. I have done a lot to fix myself for who ever I would be with. I am going on this date to test the waters so to speak. I want to fix things and some of the things he does leads me to believe he does too....but who am I kiddin......I know I should move on but it is so hard.

[anon8]

You should have moved on earlier but I get why you didn't. Now you know. It's better to leave it in the past than making it your future.