Would you be mad if your S/O told you they let you win at games?

[sjoes006]

I understand we all may do that occasionally but routinely? My husband to be told me he lets me win sometimes the other night when he had a few drinks.

Turns out he does it all the time. I felt cheated and upset for 2 reasons:

1. If you are going to try and let someone win the whole endeavor is lost once you tell them you let them win. They know they didn’t win fair and square.

2. You don’t think I can win on my own, I can’t play game moving forward if I never know I won fairly.

This is certainly a question for the time we are living in- We spend about 5 hours a week or more playing games since COVID lockdown in March 2020. I don’t think it would have mattered as much otherwise.

He even admitted sometimes he lets me win so the game will end sooner. I just feel like I wasted that time doing something he got tired of doing and I only kept playing because I thought he would enjoy it.

I KNOW THIS SEEMS SMALL but it a pastime I enjoyed and now that’s done.

[AmandaYVR]

I guess I would feel not mad, but maybe embarrassed. It might be alright to let children win at things sometimes (although my dad doesn't believe in that), but as adults it gets a bit more complicated/sticky.

I don't think your husband did it for any malicious reason. My first reaction in reading the title was sort of, "Aww, that's sweet." But I understand where you're coming from. You're a big girl and you can take it, right. No favours, no special treatment. And it would feel like a waste of time. I agree on all that.

But there are many reasons people do things like this. It's a strategy, a decision.
It's interesting this comes up now, because I just saw a reference to this in my favourite TV drama show of all time (Thirtysomething. Can't recommend it enough. But anyway.) There's a husband and wife. They've been together 11 years. They met in college. He is playful and fun-loving. She is gentle and thoughtful. They mesh well for many years. And then they don't. Long story short, he falls out of love with her, they fight all the time; he moves out, they file divorce papers, a year passes, eventually they find a rhythm as co-parents, the tensions ease, they begin dating other people, the wife finds her own stride of independence, begins working, and becomes successful, as she manages to publish a book. He becomes very attracted to her again. Very. One evening, just an hour before she is set to go on a date, he comes over to pick something up (it was legit, not an excuse), and they spontaneously made love. It was great, fireworks. It confused both of them, but in the months following, their feelings are both rekindled. She slowly, very slowly, lets him back into her life. Things are going well. They have grown, with their own experiences, and come together with a newfound appreciation for each other. The audience loved this.

By the time the husband/ex comes back around, her mother happens to be visiting and staying with her. Her mother decides to move back to this city, to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren, because "you're all alone." The daughter is not entirely comfortable or happy with this. She now has the realization that although she loves her mother and they have always been close, her mother is fearful. It's in her nature. And she worries for Nancy as well. She holds her tight, wanting to protect her. But Nancy has grown by leaps and bounds, with her newfound freedom, and she doesn't need either her mother or her husband to make her feel whole. And Elliot realizes this too. And it is a large part of what made her attractive to him again, her strength.

Nancy dissuades her mother from upending her life to come "help" her daughter. The mother is crushed, but she has also learned a valuable lesson.

[AmandaYVR]

Enter Elliot. He's there, in his family home, visiting (secretly spending the night.) The mother-in-law gives him the side eye the entire time. Eventually they are alone, and erupt in a massive argument, about who has the right to be there, and what's best for Nancy. Elliot tells a story: "Eleanor, do you remember the first time I met you, Nancy brought me home to meet you, and I was trying really hard to make this good impression? And you brought out the croquet set. And I remember thinking, geez, this is Nancy's mom, I can't hit it into the next yard. But then I thought, if I just tap it, she'll think I'm just trying to suck up to her. Meanwhile, Nancy's on the porch sipping iced tea and I'm down there sweating bullets. Remember what I did? [She answers: "No."] I said I had to make a phone call and I gave my mallet to Nancy. If I had to do that again today, play croquet with you, I'd send that ball right into orbit."

I love this scene. It goes on from there, but you get the idea.
In the end, strength wins. It is what's best, in the eyes of Elliot and Nancy. And I agree with you here. Your husband may have not meant any harm, but he's been creating a false narrative, and that can erode trust. If he wants to stop playing, he simply needs to say, "Let's stop now."

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I know he lets me win when the games we're playing involve physical strength & speed because it's clear to both of there's no way I can beat him there. However, there are some games we play where strength or speed don't matter such as trying to win a closest-to-the-pin or shooting for a hole-in-one game of accuracy on par 3 holes in the golf course. My "soft touch" on the greens has him beat. :)

[DeeDeeDeVour]

No, I don't get upset if he lets me win. It doesn't upset me either whenever he reveals situations like that to me.

[Phoenix98]

I wouldn't be mad no but I would be disappointed I want her to try her hardest to beat me otherwise how will I get better at those games?

Besides I'm competitive.

[DesolateRain]

If they did it out of pity I'd be a little annoyed, but not mad.

[0112358]

Yes.

have I ever done it? Yes. Not regularly though.

[alice55]

I would wonder why would tell me such things but I wouldn't care about the fact he let me win.

[AmeerX]

I know he kind of belittle you. I thought it was cute what he did

[CubaPirate]

It would never happen with either of us in our relationship, we're both just too competitive tbh

[ohshee]

No not mad but I would smile and say prove it

[pigoat]

Yes

I would stop playing

[anon1903]

No, that's adorable and embarrassing.

[jahaims]

Na would just tease them for ir

[Likes2drive]

Yeah I wouldn’t like that

[ALewis30]

Not mad just insulted and annoyed.

[lanadelrey25]

Yes.