Help!!! I think my husband is gay!!! Is he?

[InDoubt]

So... My husband of almost 10 years has just casually confessed to have had a couple of long term relationships with guys during his college years, before he met me... I feel betrayed and hurt because he did not tell me before we got married... Now, we are married with kids and everything is more complicated... When I asked, he told me he did not tell me before because a, it is in the past and he loves me and only me, and b, because he knows I am pretty traditional and he was afraid of losing me.

On top of that, he has also confessed that he enjoyed "being the girl" in both relationships with guys... Now, thinking back, I do realize I have noticed rather feminine traits in him, but I never paid too much attention to that particular issue at the time... He also suggested pegging a few times, in not so many words, which I obviously refused, that would make him so gay in my eyes!!

I am very hurt and confused, my world has been turned upside down... I no longer feel attracted to him, and I am seriously thinking about leaving him...

Am I overreacting?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all so much for your answers!

The thing is: the pegging thing really makes me think his gay... I have this image in my head of him on his knees servicing a guy that kills me...

[luvitall]

Oooo girl, ... I have been there let me tell you it REALLY fucks you up... Because how in the fuck can you even compete with a man... it just turns your stomach... I had to go to crisis therapy because I found out my man cheated and went to a guy.. a fucking GUY and he swears up and down it was just a trial by error and curiosity... but dont get me wrong I still have anger about it and still from time to time crosses my mind that he did that and he could do it again or I think what if he's lying to just stay for the kids... but I will tell you dont leave him for his shame or his curiosity he is a human after all.. this is just a step you will have to work threw and its a long fucking road but it will get better.. you can forgive but it doesn't mean yu have to forget.. forgiveness is a action not emotion

[InDoubt]

On top of that he as been throwing guilt trips at me "Oh, well, I knew I should have not told you!! See what I did not tell you before we got married?"

He is turning things around, using attack as his best defense!!! That is what *I* do!!! He is so totally being the girl!!

Are y'all still together?

[luvitall]

My man pulled that shit one time I shut that shit down real quick, because how the fuck are you supposed to react... you never really know until this particular issue is plopped in your lap... but the most fucked up part is the girl I went to for advice also on this matter at the time was also FUCKING MY MAN which I found out later on so thats a different story... but she told him I told her and he tried coming back on me... I was like ahhh hell nah.. be put in my shoes how am I supposed to feel or react its not like ya fucked with some hoe you straight went for the DICK... I feel u all to much on this one

[somebodysaycheese]

I hate when people leave out important information. It is lying because you obviosly assumed he was straight BUT youve been together for along time. IF it bothers you a lot id seek counseling.
BUT at the same time if your not attracted you have no realtionship... soo.. get counseling first though. To see if you can save this

[Chaparritalatina]

i dont think there's anything wrong he didn't cheat on u if he wants to be pegged do it me and my husband have that kind of open sex relationship he dont like guys but he likes me to peg him its hot asf but again not everyone is turned on by that good luck

[Death_of_rats]

he's not gay, he is bi sexual... does it really matter? he loves you, and im assuming he has never cheated or given you any other reason to doubt him so whats the problem?

everyone has a past. are you really willing to throw it all away because he had relationships (albeit gay) before you. sounds as though it you that has the problem tbh.

[Anonymous]

I think you're overreacting and are more in shock but he hasn't betrayed you since that was in the past and he was probably finding out who he was at the time, could have been bi-sexual at the time but as long as he loves you and is faithful to you then don't leave him, also anything you do with him cannot be gay because you are woman not a man

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

A large number of men are secretly bisexual and will deny it to their mates and their family and their wives/girlfriends. Blame evolution or God for the male g-spot being up the bum.

The way I see it, you can either peg him and that will probably shatter his masculinity in your eyes and ruin your relationship if you aren't turned on by the idea OR you can separate because if he wants to be pegged then either you're going to give it to him or it is going to another woman or even a man doing it for him with or without your knowledge.

[Blonde401]

Why do you have to be gay and straight? Why does sexuality have to be so rigid? He may be bi, he may not even label his sexuality. It was before he was with you and judging by your reaction I can see why he didn't tell you.

[WesternGirl]

He must be bi sexual if he married you. There is a difference. Plus why it is problem? If he loves you, that is the only thing that counts.

[AlwaysBelieving]

NO you aren't over reacting. That's some messed up shit right there. He's probably bi-

[anonman32]

at least give it some time. dont make a hasty decision you are going to regret later.

[PlzJustDie]

If you're asking, you already know the answer.

[archiz]

ayeee

[Anonymous]

sounds like he's bi, and never told you

[Opinion Owner]

why is him doing what you think he's doing, so disturbing to you?

[InDoubt]

It is kind of gross...

[Opinion Owner]

so are you homophobic?

[InDoubt]

No, I am not, it is ok what people do! I just don't want my husband to be a girl! I am the girl!

[Opinion Owner]

sounds like you're homophobic

[FallOutBoy2001]

He never said he wanted to be a girl, he said he had relationships with guys. Gays aren't girls

[Opinion Owner]

they aren't girls, but they sure act like them