My ex sent me flowers on Valentine's Day. What should I do?

For reference, we were together 2 years, we broke up last August, we haven't spoken in 4 months (we agreed on no contact for a few months), and he's convinced that we're getting back together even though I told him I'm not interested. He's very "persistent" (read: doesn't take my 'no' for an answer) and it actually took me about 4 attempts to finally manage to leave him.

Anyway, I got flowers delivered to my house on Valentine's Day, with no tag. I figured they were from my ex, since I couldn't think of any other reason they wouldn't have a note or tag on them... I am seeing someone else currently, but he doesn't know my address, so I knew they weren't from him. Anyway, I called the florist yesterday and they confirmed that my ex ordered the flowers.

So what do I do? Both my parents said I should text him "thanks" because it's the proper thing to do or whatever. And I do feel guilty that he spent money on that. But all my friends say (and I agree) that it took me enough effort to get distance from him, so opening up contact with him would just open up a door that took forever for me to close. Any time I show him kindness or politeness, it just takes even longer to shake him. All he cares about is what he wants. Doesn't matter that I've made it clear I don't want to get back together. If I text him "thanks," I just know he'll take it the wrong way.

Tl;Dr: Clingy ex sent me flowers in an attempt to get me to talk to him because he wants me back and won't take "no" for an answer.

  • Thank him. He did spend money and it's the least you could do.
    Vote A
  • Ignore it. You don't want to open that can of worms.
    Vote B
  • Other
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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1117

Most Helpful Guy

  • there is no note as he didn't want you to know they are from him.

    Id do nothing. breaking communication is only way.
    other option is to send them back with a note, "thanks, but I've decided to move on and am dating someone else and cannot accept these. I wish you the best, but please move on."

    Worried he's a stalker, mentally unstable? I hope he has a therapist to help get over you.

    You are a powerful drug!:)

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    • Aren't you sweet ;) He's just a bit mentally unstable but I don't believe he's dangerous.

Most Helpful Girl

  • People like that look for any chink in your armor they can find so they can squirm their way back into your life. Don't even send a thank you -- commit to unrelenting no-contact.

    This is what no-contact is actually for, situations just like this.

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    • And by the way, ignoring him isn't rude. He's the one being rude; the only thing talking to him will do is teach him that it's okay to be rude since it will get him what he wants.

    • My thoughts exactly, thank you for putting them into words!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • You sure you want to text thanks to someone who sent you flowers with no tag? That right there is weird!

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  • flowers are actually very pretty things.
    don't throw them, never.
    If you really don't want him in your life, no need to text. him whatsoever.
    you should rather move on with your Newfoundlove and njoi your life with the new adventures that are about to unfold in the lives of the two of you.
    if he texts you, ignore it.
    if he calls you, ignore it.
    acknowledging to the messages, would create unnecessary confusion in your life.
    keep it simple.

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  • I wouldn't open no type contact with him. If anything send the flowers back as a sign that you really don't want nothing to do with him.

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  • Well, on his behalf, my gal of 17 years bailed out four months back as well, I've done the same with her, she left me with many questions, and some pretty odd mixed signals. Anyhow, for him, every communication will be like you just dumped him again. He's hurt, and that stuff doesn't go away easily, especially when you don't "want" to let go.

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  • If you don't want a romantic relationship with him and if you are still on good terms --> thank him for the gesture but that's it, move on and let it go giving him some space to realize you are not taking this a romantic sign because you are not interested

    If you don't want a romantic relationship with him and are on meh term or bad terms --> Then tell him directly that this feels in appropriate

    If you want a romantic relationship with him --> Accept it and do what feels right

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  • say nothing, throw the flowers out, you can't let him back in

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  • At least your pollsters get it.

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  • Your parents are right... Just say Thank you... You can give somebody less fortunate to brighten up their day... Maybe grandparent or elderly relatives.

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  • Ignore it cause there are chances it can open up a can of worms
    It was nice that he showed his kindness but look what comes with it.

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  • If there is no note why assume it was him and not your current attachment? Could easily be the new guy or gal as the old one.

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  • What do YOU want to do? Not what others think you should do...

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    • I want to do nothing, but I don't want to be super rude either. Like I don't feel like I owe him anything after this, but curious what other people think too

    • Ok then just let it go. If it's unconditional then you can just accept them and do nothing. Give away if you want. It's your life so do nothing if you want to. Nobody is making you

  • Why have you not blocked communications with him yet?

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  • Throw them in the trash and do not contact him and move on with your life.

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  • give it to me

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  • He wants you to contact him and thank him for the flowers
    Let it go

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  • send him the money for the flowers. biggest rejection ever but it is also polite.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Normally, thanking someone would be polite, but this isn't a normal situation. He's looking for a pretext for contact, and he would see any contact you made as 1) encouragement and 2) an opportunity for him to contact you again. Silence/lack of response to this and to any future overtures from him is by far the best way to handle it. Please don't fall into the trap that you have to respond or interact with him for any reason. Nothing good will come of it.

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  • It depends on how y'all broke up but how you explaining him then I would just ignore him especially since it took you awhile to get over him.

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    • I got over him quickly, once I managed to leave. It took me so many tries to leave him because he would manipulate and guilt trip me.

    • If that's the case then just ignore him because it took you awhile and it is hard to get over someone that you had strong feelings for.

  • Send him the flowers back with a note that says "thanks but no thanks" it will show you appreciate them but no still means no

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  • Do absolutely nothing.

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  • "won't take "no" for an answer"
    just a little hint of saying a positive thing to him could make it all worse. I'd rather ignore him or send it back to him/give it to him.

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  • Say that you appreciate it :)

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  • I would say ignore it.

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  • Whatever will make you feel better and most at peace. Think of yourself, put yourself first.

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  • Ignore it.

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  • I'd say, Thank him but do it in a way to not lead him on

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