Are you friends with your ex?

So far with both exes I've had, we tried to be friends and it just went up in flames. Definitely didn't work at all. I always thought I could be friends with exes... but it's soooo hard.

So are you friends with any of your exes?
Are you friends with your ex?

  • My ex (or one of them) and I are BFFs
    Vote A
  • My ex (or one of them) and I are friends
    Vote B
  • We tried to be friends but it failed miserably
    Vote C
  • We never tried to be friends. I just dropped all contact with them.
    Vote D
  • I haven't broken up with anyone yet. Still with my SO. So I don't have an ex
    Vote E
  • I haven't dated anyone. So I don't have an ex.
    Vote F
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Updates:
Oh my goodness. Wow. Thank you to everyone that participated. I didn't think this question would be so popular! ❤️

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are two primary problems with maintaining contact:

    1. The dumpee will have some hope of reconciling the relationship and will agree to remain friends just to keep the lines of communication open. However, when the dumpor starts indicating that they have found someone new, the dumpee will become jealous and potentially disruptive.

    2. When the dumpor starts dating, the dumpor's new partner will say, "Hey, WTF is up with you hanging on to your ex? Are you still in love with him/her?"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am really good friends with my ex and have a good relationship with him and his wife. Just the other day, I spoke with his wife on the telephone for a good hour or so and it was about personal stuff.

    I tend to talk to her more than him if I am asking them both a question (like want to get together, are you guys going to so-so's party, etc) since I feel like that is more respectful to their relationship.

    I call him if I have specific question for him (car questions, birthday wishes, etc).

    But I have known my ex for over twenty years and I know his wife too since we are work colleagues and I would say his wife is now my friend too.

    We socialize together, we talk on the phone and they have even stayed the weekend with my boyfriend and me.

    It is doable as long as both parties are respectful of each other's new partners and do not harbor any ill feelings or unresolved romantic feelings.

    My ex is one of the best men I have met in my life and he is very dear to me and I will always love him and want him in my life as my friend.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 119

  • I used to be, but not anymore. It's not a hatred thing or dislike. Just parted ways without talking about it. Lives went in different directions. Like i'd say only 2 of my exes that if I called right now we'd be able to be friends again. To me being friends is knowing their soul and they know yours. It's not dependent upon time, proximity or even knowing everything that's going on in their lives right now. You know them and you can feel it. You both can.

    I don't feel as if I know all my exes. Maybe if I talked to them in person I might feel differently, but that connection is broken and we're not talking so the actual state of being friends is not the case at this time. One ex i'm sure I could be friends with, because we always were friends even before dating. The next ex I don't think i'll ever fully trust again, because she actively tried to hurt me emotionally. So there's always that barrier for me and her because I always feel like she has some type of ulterior motive with me. The following ex I left on bad terms with and wouldn't want to be her friend lol. The following ex I don't doubt that we could be friends again or even more if I could get over some of the things that happened, but I doubt I will because they were dealbreaker type situations that honestly will probably never go away. Maybe down the road something will change, but right now I can't be friends with her either.

    But I can easily be friendly with all of them or have friendly conversation. I'm just a transparent person about where they stand with me so I won't pretend. I won't be an asshole or a jerk, but I won't act as if we're close.

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  • In the past I tried and failed. Now I'm able to and practically bff with my most recent ex. It takes a lot of emotional maturity. If you really loved someone and love yourself, there won't be jealousy and you'll be able to see your ex with someone else and be happy. It's great to have a friend who knows you, and can give you honest dating advice and tips.

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  • I've only really had one girlfriend. We broke up because she finally admitted she liked her best friend of several years and just wanted to be friends. (perhaps ironically my first emotion was excitement, because I know he's a nice guy and I was super happy for her).

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  • I think it depends on how you leave each other, if you leave each other both still kind of still liking the other person, then a friendship will quite often not work or end up being more than just as friendship. But for me the one relationship that ended with kind of an argument and a lot of silence is the one that after a while I now get on with quite well and she comes and visits me occasionally and we are friends. Do I still find her attractive? yea does she still find me attractive? Probably but she has moved on and I have been with other people since her as well and like I said there was a long gap. With my other ex's there is quite often still either some kind of hate or grudge or maybe in some cases still a bit of feeling for the other person. All in all I think the hard thing about being friends with an ex is that unless something big changes or there is a long gap/you had a bit of an argument and then talked properly, you mostly either still love ur ex at least a tiny bit or hate them for what you did that made you stop loving them, thus in the majority of cases I feel it is very hard to be friends with ur ex

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  • I'm friends with one of my ex's, mainly because she was able to take the breakup maturely. It was hard on her, and she was pretty sad, but she was mature, and we still cared about each other's well being.

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  • My ex is my gf's BFF which makes her almost my BFF still too 😅 (The three of us are reaaaallly close).

    You can break up and be adult about it.

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  • In my experience, being "just friends" with an ex doesn't work. If I can even stand to be around them after the break up it's because I'm hoping that there's a chance of getting back together.

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  • I guess we could say I'm friends with one of my exes. She helped me through a VERY rough spot a few years ago. She was already married at that point, but she was a good ear to me. We haven't talked much lately. She's now busy with her husband and three kids.

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  • Nope, they both long long.. I tried to be friends with no but she broke all contact with me.. LOL.. Her number got turned off, and I never heard from her after that.. The other one was back in fifth grade, and I didn't take that one seriously and we never official broke up... But she was coo.. She transferred schools though.. Never saw her again.. LOL..

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  • I seen no reason why, given we had two fine kids together and i was always a good hands on dad, we shouldn't have at least remained civil. But no, that wasn't good enough for her. She lied about me, stole from me, ostracised me from my kids and my family. Done everything she could to try and make my life a misery.
    But the truth of what happened will come out in the end, it always does. Then she will depend on my forgiveness or she will be ostracised.
    Will i forgive her? Of course i will. There is no point in letting anger and hate consume your life.

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  • I wouldn't piss on my ex-wife if she was on fire she is a manipulative cunt. and has refused me access to my son for the last four years. So like I said she is a waste of piss and a work shy lazy bastard!

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  • If you're both mature about it you guys can be friends I find. If one of you isn't or things ust end badly then nope

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  • my ex and I try to stay friends because of the fact that we were friends before we were ever lovers or married so yes we are friends I wouldn't say best friends in the whole world but she is one of the better friends that I have in this world

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  • I would rather fade into a distant memory. Though i did make the mistake of seeing her with another guy. As long as she's happy that's good. But i dropped all contact with my ex's the moment they chose to do something bad for the relationship or we didn't work out. Believe me, it's so much easier this way.

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  • I always break it off and end all contact. Always!

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  • I'm not friends with any of my exes. Either because we broke up in a bad way or we tried to be friends and it didn't work out.
    One ex though, we tried to be friends but it was making it hard to move on so we stopped talking. Then a couple years later we became friendly again and got back together

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  • Kinda sorta I hear from her from time to time. She broke up with her boyfriend and tried warming up to me and although she's gorgeous and I do like some things about her personality she can't ever seem to own up to any mistakes she makes and it irritates the hell out of me. Any time our breakup got brought up (it didn't make any sense she just faded off like an asshole and had a different reason each time she explained why in the future) she would say I was whining about it etc... when in reality she did me wrong. I've been trying to figure out why she left me and what the real reasons were..

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  • Yea... one... more like acquaintances.

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  • Not only no but fuck no. I'm not stupid and pathetic

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  • I haven't dated anyone. So I don't have an ex.

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  • i am.

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  • I'm FB friends with some of them lol but haven't talked in years.
    I used to remain friends with them in school, though, but the friendship wasn't like it used to, obviously.

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  • Option D, but can't drop contact, as we have a daughter together and she legally owes me $.

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  • No, I haven't spoken to her since I dumped her and don't plan on speaking to her in the future

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  • I am not , kinda.
    I will talk to them if I run into them, I also have no problem having a conversation with them or being in a social event too. However I have no interest in getting involved with them, nah.
    I had to cut my last ex from life completely because it wasn't gonna work out. It was too hard with her.

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  • Friends that never talk 😂

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  • I wouldn't be friends with my first ex girlfriend cause
    are relationship ended poorly and I'd rather leave things
    the way they are and my second ex girlfriend things didn't
    end good cause she lost my class-ring. So see I'd rather
    leave things where they're at and not be friends with my
    ex girlfriends i think a ex is ex for one reason or another.

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  • I'm usually capable if it's a mutual breakup, but she most often can't without stirring up her feelings and trying to get back together. Once she got another boyfriend, she's never to be heard from again other than a casual hi when we bump into one another.

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  • No. My policy is to cease all contact once they're not a part of my life any more.

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    • They are an "ex" for a reason. I have to break contact with mine because they always try to get back together.

  • Sort of friends but not close friends. Like we kinda help each other out with little stuff but we don't talk on a regular basis

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What Girls Said 87

  • my most recent ex and i are still on speaking terms. i don't know if i'd call us friends, since we aren't as close as we once were, but perhaps that's for the best.

    the dude and i were very good friends who tried to be romantic and it didn't work out, so we just went back to a platonic relationship. there were no hard feelings, so we'll stop and chat if we run into each other (it's a small town). but, for the most part, we don't keep in regular contact.

    as for my other exes? hell to the no. let's just say that, if they were on fire, i would just keep walking.

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  • I have not seen my one ex since we split. I am sure that in a small town, where he works in the centre, I will bump into him, especially now that I am home from uni for the summer. It will be awkward, I am sure, as I will most likely have my boyfriend in tow.

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  • Majority of my breakups didn't warrant a friendship being possible. I mean my last ex dumped me on Whatsapp and refused to see or talk to me again so there's no point in being friends with a asshole like that. The same was for the previous previous ex. For some reason I just never had peaceful breakups with the exception of 1 when I was 16 but he chose to not be friends as I left him and I respected his wishes.

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  • Not really friends like we hang out or anything, but i am on good terms with all of them. I dont hate any of them and i assume they feel the same. Have to forgive and move forward. It wasn't always that way though. I used to totally despise one ex. I had to get a restraining order to make him go away. I dont hate him anymore even though he still does nothing for our son. Can't make anyone be a good person esp someone with so many personal issues. We haven't been together for close to 12 years now. He mistook my kindness for interest earlier this year when his dad died and i made it clear that wasn't happening. As far as i know, we're still cool, i haven't talked to him since though.

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  • I have been friends with several ex's but not with all. It all depends on the breakup and whether you were friends before the relationship started. If you weren't then there really is no reason to remain friends after it ends unless it was a very long term relationship.

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  • I talk here and there to two of the past guys I've dated. We aren't the closest where we'd hang out and such, but we don't avoid each other when we're both invited to the same social gathering and we're able to stir up a good conversation. However there's one where the relationship ended in a bad way so I've cut all connection with him completly.

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  • Oh Christ no the ex has made my life a bloody misery for 3 years until I completed ended it.. so the dumper got dumped right back
    I was used as his emotional punchbag whatever the Fk was goin on in his life I was the one gettin the abuse the catfished
    No real what that man put me through..

    Other exes from before him I don't kno I was younger back then so don't see or hear of them.. n don't think of them n I'm sure I don't cross their mind either...

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  • You have To give it time because me and my ex we stopped talking completely for I believe a year... the. we just one day texted and ever since then we call each other and stay on the phone for hours at a time how we used to when we were together. I couldn't see myself getting back with him so were legitimately friends

    I think if has a lot to with your feelings for that person as to whether you guys can be friends and you have to genuinely care for that person in order to make such a thing work.

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  • I tried remaining friends with my then first boyfriend but it failed. He was the one who wanted to be friends despite me having feelings for him still. I wanted more but he didn't which is why it failed. We weren't good for eachother because he'd mostly try to hurt me and put me last. When it was over for good, he disrespected me to his friends, put me on a pedastole to get laughed at, etc. I'm glad it didn't work out now but I don't hate him or wish any bad on him in any way

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  • its so stupid to stay friends with your ex,. although there are some people who would stay good at all

    something like bond and friendship, but its better to let it go than to still have that connection

    cause of course, present relationship will always ask about something with your past,. so if he knew he is much closer to you

    it will became threat for your present one
    no other people would understand what connection you have with your ex, even you explain it to everyone that its not something important all

    but of course those doubts will always take you there to the possibilities of going back together

    So my answer will be NO! Never stay friends with your Ex, Maybe acquaintance but not friends

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  • Not close friends, but I was friends with dudes I dated and I have one ex where if we ran into each other it'd never be awkward. Because even though we were once lovers we were still friends. I think it's possible sometimes but it depends.

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  • This depends on the people involved. The circumstances of the break up. Me and my ex were friends for years before we were a couple. He was deceitful after we broke up so I took away the option to be friends in the future... He showed no curtesy or care to me so he gets nothing from me now, and lost everything we ever had.. It totally depends x

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  • I usually try to remain friends, but I don't force the issue. If either of us still has feelings, I won't allow a friendship.

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  • I am friends with people I had flings with - and they weren't little flings either. They were borderline relationship, but too complicated for it to ever work out. I'm still fairly good friends with those guys though. However, my real ex's I'm not friends with any of them. I tried to be with one of them and then realized what a mistake I was making and cut off contact.

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  • I'm extremely close to one of my ex's. He helped me through the worst times of my life with my families divorce, mum walking out, my depression/suicide attempts, sexual assault. He was always the one picking me up. So when we split didn't want to lose that. It is hard. I mean it's still hard at times now. But we had a year apart before we talked as we needed that breather now it's better than ever

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  • After the tension died down, I'm kinda on a respect level, like we're not friends, but we're not enemies and we don't ignore each other or anything. It's because we're both part of the same friend group with two other people. We just kinda got over it all, I mean it was months ago.

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  • I wouldn't say friends, I keep in contact with one ex for a certain reason. (not romantic) we just share something and the other I don't speak to at all.

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  • Well... he apologized and all and did explicitly state he'd like to be friends. I didn't really take him up on that offer but we're civil to each other and all so not really 'friends' but not out to fuck each other over, either. ✌️

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  • I'm friend-ly with all my exes. We don't talk regularly or hang out but are on good enough terms that if one of us needed something, I'm sure I could call on them or vice versa. I don't think being friends with exes is healthy for future growth. But I dont think being enemies with an ex is good either.

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  • I'm friends with one of my exes but because we live on opposite sides of the country it's not that difficult.

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  • I ran into one of my exes a week ago when my friend that I was with knew his friend that he was with and they stopped to talk to each other. Me and my ex just waited for them to finish the conversation, literally did not say a word to each other the entire time... and that was perfectly fine by me.

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  • Yeah... it's kinda weird. I was best friends with my ex before we dated, best friends with him while we dated (like seriously, it was a super platonic thing...), then we broke up because of it and yes. Still best friends xD

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  • No, I'm not, with any of them.
    Personally, I think when ex's are friends, its usually because one person either wants the other back orrr still wants to be important to him/her and still wants the other party to not move on and stay attached.

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  • Me and my ex absolutely not.
    Me and my one night stand keep on speaking terms. It's not at all weird between us and never has been.

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  • I'm not. We don't talk anymore and that's pretty fine with me. Even though it wasn't a bad breakup or anything, I guess I just don't see the point in it

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  • I'm really good friends with one of my ex's. We broke up when we were 17 though so it's not exactly weird or anything. I've known him like 13 years.

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  • Option D pretty much sums it up for me

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  • I feel if like if they earn the title "Ex ", it was probably for a good reason and you shouldn't be friends.

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  • For me its a no, I have tried in the past to stay friends but it just never worked, they either wanted to still act like we were together, or when I started seeing someone knew I was called names. Thankfully I no longer have to worry about all of that.

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  • I don't see the point.

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