Are you friends with your ex?

So far with both exes I've had, we tried to be friends and it just went up in flames. Definitely didn't work at all. I always thought I could be friends with exes... but it's soooo hard.

So are you friends with any of your exes?
Are you friends with your ex?

  • My ex (or one of them) and I are BFFs
    Vote A
  • My ex (or one of them) and I are friends
    Vote B
  • We tried to be friends but it failed miserably
    Vote C
  • We never tried to be friends. I just dropped all contact with them.
    Vote D
  • I haven't broken up with anyone yet. Still with my SO. So I don't have an ex
    Vote E
  • I haven't dated anyone. So I don't have an ex.
    Vote F
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Oh my goodness. Wow. Thank you to everyone that participated. I didn't think this question would be so popular! ❤️

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are two primary problems with maintaining contact:

    1. The dumpee will have some hope of reconciling the relationship and will agree to remain friends just to keep the lines of communication open. However, when the dumpor starts indicating that they have found someone new, the dumpee will become jealous and potentially disruptive.

    2. When the dumpor starts dating, the dumpor's new partner will say, "Hey, WTF is up with you hanging on to your ex? Are you still in love with him/her?"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am really good friends with my ex and have a good relationship with him and his wife. Just the other day, I spoke with his wife on the telephone for a good hour or so and it was about personal stuff.

    I tend to talk to her more than him if I am asking them both a question (like want to get together, are you guys going to so-so's party, etc) since I feel like that is more respectful to their relationship.

    I call him if I have specific question for him (car questions, birthday wishes, etc).

    But I have known my ex for over twenty years and I know his wife too since we are work colleagues and I would say his wife is now my friend too.

    We socialize together, we talk on the phone and they have even stayed the weekend with my boyfriend and me.

    It is doable as long as both parties are respectful of each other's new partners and do not harbor any ill feelings or unresolved romantic feelings.

    My ex is one of the best men I have met in my life and he is very dear to me and I will always love him and want him in my life as my friend.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 120

  • I used to be, but not anymore. It's not a hatred thing or dislike. Just parted ways without talking about it. Lives went in different directions. Like i'd say only 2 of my exes that if I called right now we'd be able to be friends again. To me being friends is knowing their soul and they know yours. It's not dependent upon time, proximity or even knowing everything that's going on in their lives right now. You know them and you can feel it. You both can.

    I don't feel as if I know all my exes. Maybe if I talked to them in person I might feel differently, but that connection is broken and we're not talking so the actual state of being friends is not the case at this time. One ex i'm sure I could be friends with, because we always were friends even before dating. The next ex I don't think i'll ever fully trust again, because she actively tried to hurt me emotionally. So there's always that barrier for me and her because I always feel like she has some type of ulterior motive with me. The following ex I left on bad terms with and wouldn't want to be her friend lol. The following ex I don't doubt that we could be friends again or even more if I could get over some of the things that happened, but I doubt I will because they were dealbreaker type situations that honestly will probably never go away. Maybe down the road something will change, but right now I can't be friends with her either.

    But I can easily be friendly with all of them or have friendly conversation. I'm just a transparent person about where they stand with me so I won't pretend. I won't be an asshole or a jerk, but I won't act as if we're close.

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  • I think it depends on how you leave each other, if you leave each other both still kind of still liking the other person, then a friendship will quite often not work or end up being more than just as friendship. But for me the one relationship that ended with kind of an argument and a lot of silence is the one that after a while I now get on with quite well and she comes and visits me occasionally and we are friends. Do I still find her attractive? yea does she still find me attractive? Probably but she has moved on and I have been with other people since her as well and like I said there was a long gap. With my other ex's there is quite often still either some kind of hate or grudge or maybe in some cases still a bit of feeling for the other person. All in all I think the hard thing about being friends with an ex is that unless something big changes or there is a long gap/you had a bit of an argument and then talked properly, you mostly either still love ur ex at least a tiny bit or hate them for what you did that made you stop loving them, thus in the majority of cases I feel it is very hard to be friends with ur ex

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  • In the past I tried and failed. Now I'm able to and practically bff with my most recent ex. It takes a lot of emotional maturity. If you really loved someone and love yourself, there won't be jealousy and you'll be able to see your ex with someone else and be happy. It's great to have a friend who knows you, and can give you honest dating advice and tips.

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  • I've only really had one girlfriend. We broke up because she finally admitted she liked her best friend of several years and just wanted to be friends. (perhaps ironically my first emotion was excitement, because I know he's a nice guy and I was super happy for her).

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  • Nope, they both long long.. I tried to be friends with no but she broke all contact with me.. LOL.. Her number got turned off, and I never heard from her after that.. The other one was back in fifth grade, and I didn't take that one seriously and we never official broke up... But she was coo.. She transferred schools though.. Never saw her again.. LOL..

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  • I guess we could say I'm friends with one of my exes. She helped me through a VERY rough spot a few years ago. She was already married at that point, but she was a good ear to me. We haven't talked much lately. She's now busy with her husband and three kids.

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  • I'm friends with one of my ex's, mainly because she was able to take the breakup maturely. It was hard on her, and she was pretty sad, but she was mature, and we still cared about each other's well being.

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  • I wouldn't piss on my ex-wife if she was on fire she is a manipulative cunt. and has refused me access to my son for the last four years. So like I said she is a waste of piss and a work shy lazy bastard!

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  • I would rather fade into a distant memory. Though i did make the mistake of seeing her with another guy. As long as she's happy that's good. But i dropped all contact with my ex's the moment they chose to do something bad for the relationship or we didn't work out. Believe me, it's so much easier this way.

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  • my ex and I try to stay friends because of the fact that we were friends before we were ever lovers or married so yes we are friends I wouldn't say best friends in the whole world but she is one of the better friends that I have in this world

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  • I'm not friends with any of my exes. Either because we broke up in a bad way or we tried to be friends and it didn't work out.
    One ex though, we tried to be friends but it was making it hard to move on so we stopped talking. Then a couple years later we became friendly again and got back together

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  • I have given no answer in the poll because no answer match my situation. If I had considered my exgirlfriend to be a friend during the relationship, I would have tried to keep the friendship, but she has never been my friend, why would she be my friend nowdays?

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  • I'm usually capable if it's a mutual breakup, but she most often can't without stirring up her feelings and trying to get back together. Once she got another boyfriend, she's never to be heard from again other than a casual hi when we bump into one another.

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  • I am not , kinda.
    I will talk to them if I run into them, I also have no problem having a conversation with them or being in a social event too. However I have no interest in getting involved with them, nah.
    I had to cut my last ex from life completely because it wasn't gonna work out. It was too hard with her.

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  • I wouldn't be friends with my first ex girlfriend cause
    are relationship ended poorly and I'd rather leave things
    the way they are and my second ex girlfriend things didn't
    end good cause she lost my class-ring. So see I'd rather
    leave things where they're at and not be friends with my
    ex girlfriends i think a ex is ex for one reason or another.

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  • she broke it off and then refused to talk to me for a couple weeks. it wasn't until after i found out she cheated on me and tried to hook up with my friend that she tried to communicate. by then i wasn't having it.

    @IARedThunder why did it go up in flames for you? jealousy or just couldn't stand to look at each other?

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  • I am good friends with my ex.

    Whether you think it's possible makes no difference to me. I find it hilarious these "alpha" punks wannabes keep parroting some bs about not "making friends" with women.

    Less TV, more socializing.

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  • I helped many of my friends become friends with their ex's.
    Tbh, it was crucial that I did try to help them reconcile something, they were both my friends after all and I couldn't bare our group become divided every time a relationship broke down.

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  • me and my ex are actually kind of good friends. long term she gets annoying af and she can't own up to mistakes which causes a lot if other problematic byproducts. but af friend I can not give a fuck and just have fun.

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  • In my experience, being "just friends" with an ex doesn't work. If I can even stand to be around them after the break up it's because I'm hoping that there's a chance of getting back together.

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  • No in my case and many other people in this world it doesn't work. I'm a jealous guy and it's just pointless move forward. The last person your new boyfriend wants to do is meet the Eskimo bro that was making sweet love to you before him. Every guy wants to be the first, not in today's world but at least not the 16th 😂

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    • Might I add my partner and I have a current arrangement no exs in our lives they all get blocked and long forgotten. I know of a few couples that do this too it's not weird.

    • Because I really don't wanna shake hands with a the guy who put his dick in my partner before me, if anything he will be getting a punch in the face. It's just a big no it will set you up in the future for all kinds of awkward b. s

  • Can you be a friend with your boyfriend's ex lover? If you don't feel the awkwardness then you guys probably never liked each other much.

    When you break up, it's over. You are at best: rivals and worst: acquaintances. You can never be friends.

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  • My ex is my gf's BFF which makes her almost my BFF still too 😅 (The three of us are reaaaallly close).

    You can break up and be adult about it.

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  • I am friends with my exes but I'd do it in a different way I do not contact them about anything they contact me when they call or whatever it takes I will talk to them but nothing from me I do not initiate a conversation

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  • There's only one that I properly hate. One that I'm still really good friend's with and had a house with for a while a few years after we broke up. The rest I'm on speaking terms with but i wouldn't call any of them friends.

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  • I'm FB friends with some of them lol but haven't talked in years.
    I used to remain friends with them in school, though, but the friendship wasn't like it used to, obviously.

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  • Mine is a special case. She turned out to be gay and is like a sister now. The only way for ex's to be friends is if the breakup is mutual and neither have interest in the other romantically.

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  • If you're both mature about it you guys can be friends I find. If one of you isn't or things ust end badly then nope

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  • Not only no, but HELL NO. There's a reason they're an EX. Why do you want to keep something going with them?
    The people that do this are secretly hoping they could get back with them. Ewwww.

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  • Used to be, until her new boyfriend destroyed our friendship. After she dumped him she contacted me back, but things never where the same again. It was great while we lasted.

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What Girls Said 87

  • I talk here and there to two of the past guys I've dated. We aren't the closest where we'd hang out and such, but we don't avoid each other when we're both invited to the same social gathering and we're able to stir up a good conversation. However there's one where the relationship ended in a bad way so I've cut all connection with him completly.

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  • Oh Christ no the ex has made my life a bloody misery for 3 years until I completed ended it.. so the dumper got dumped right back
    I was used as his emotional punchbag whatever the Fk was goin on in his life I was the one gettin the abuse the catfished
    No real what that man put me through..

    Other exes from before him I don't kno I was younger back then so don't see or hear of them.. n don't think of them n I'm sure I don't cross their mind either...

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  • This depends on the people involved. The circumstances of the break up. Me and my ex were friends for years before we were a couple. He was deceitful after we broke up so I took away the option to be friends in the future... He showed no curtesy or care to me so he gets nothing from me now, and lost everything we ever had.. It totally depends x

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  • I have not seen my one ex since we split. I am sure that in a small town, where he works in the centre, I will bump into him, especially now that I am home from uni for the summer. It will be awkward, I am sure, as I will most likely have my boyfriend in tow.

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  • Majority of my breakups didn't warrant a friendship being possible. I mean my last ex dumped me on Whatsapp and refused to see or talk to me again so there's no point in being friends with a asshole like that. The same was for the previous previous ex. For some reason I just never had peaceful breakups with the exception of 1 when I was 16 but he chose to not be friends as I left him and I respected his wishes.

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  • I'm extremely close to one of my ex's. He helped me through the worst times of my life with my families divorce, mum walking out, my depression/suicide attempts, sexual assault. He was always the one picking me up. So when we split didn't want to lose that. It is hard. I mean it's still hard at times now. But we had a year apart before we talked as we needed that breather now it's better than ever

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  • After the tension died down, I'm kinda on a respect level, like we're not friends, but we're not enemies and we don't ignore each other or anything. It's because we're both part of the same friend group with two other people. We just kinda got over it all, I mean it was months ago.

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  • I have been friends with several ex's but not with all. It all depends on the breakup and whether you were friends before the relationship started. If you weren't then there really is no reason to remain friends after it ends unless it was a very long term relationship.

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  • I tried remaining friends with my then first boyfriend but it failed. He was the one who wanted to be friends despite me having feelings for him still. I wanted more but he didn't which is why it failed. We weren't good for eachother because he'd mostly try to hurt me and put me last. When it was over for good, he disrespected me to his friends, put me on a pedastole to get laughed at, etc. I'm glad it didn't work out now but I don't hate him or wish any bad on him in any way

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  • Well... he apologized and all and did explicitly state he'd like to be friends. I didn't really take him up on that offer but we're civil to each other and all so not really 'friends' but not out to fuck each other over, either. ✌️

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  • I am friends with people I had flings with - and they weren't little flings either. They were borderline relationship, but too complicated for it to ever work out. I'm still fairly good friends with those guys though. However, my real ex's I'm not friends with any of them. I tried to be with one of them and then realized what a mistake I was making and cut off contact.

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  • I ran into one of my exes a week ago when my friend that I was with knew his friend that he was with and they stopped to talk to each other. Me and my ex just waited for them to finish the conversation, literally did not say a word to each other the entire time... and that was perfectly fine by me.

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  • I'm friend-ly with all my exes. We don't talk regularly or hang out but are on good enough terms that if one of us needed something, I'm sure I could call on them or vice versa. I don't think being friends with exes is healthy for future growth. But I dont think being enemies with an ex is good either.

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  • Not close friends, but I was friends with dudes I dated and I have one ex where if we ran into each other it'd never be awkward. Because even though we were once lovers we were still friends. I think it's possible sometimes but it depends.

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  • I wouldn't say friends, I keep in contact with one ex for a certain reason. (not romantic) we just share something and the other I don't speak to at all.

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  • I'm friends again with my previous ex. We didn't break up because we were fighting but rather because we drifted apart. Then we had a huge fight a month after we broke up, didn't have any contact for a year & now we're friends again since last month. xD
    Which is amazing, you really don't have to be ashamed for anything- We've seen each other naked, can't get any worse than that. xD

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  • I purely hate him for reasons, I'd never want a friend like him. I tried to be civil with him for a while but I couldn't stop feeling uncomfortable around him, and I certainly couldn't get over the resentment for what he'd done. So no, I am most certainly not friends with that pig.

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  • Yeah... it's kinda weird. I was best friends with my ex before we dated, best friends with him while we dated (like seriously, it was a super platonic thing...), then we broke up because of it and yes. Still best friends xD

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  • I am with my first boyfriend now so I haven't had a break up. I have been heart broken by guys though and out of like 4 guys who did that to me, I am only friends with 1 of them. I am still friends with him because after he broke my heart, I met my boyfriend so I got over that heart break and I am now able to talk to my friend as a friend.

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  • For me its a no, I have tried in the past to stay friends but it just never worked, they either wanted to still act like we were together, or when I started seeing someone knew I was called names. Thankfully I no longer have to worry about all of that.

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  • No, I'm not, with any of them.
    Personally, I think when ex's are friends, its usually because one person either wants the other back orrr still wants to be important to him/her and still wants the other party to not move on and stay attached.

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  • We met once a year for a coffee and talk about our lives and what changed. He was my first boyfriend and cheated on me, I refused to have any contact for two years, then my new boyfriend encouraged me to talk with him and I was surprised how much he learned and changed from our relationship. We had a lot of common interests so he keeps me updated on this. If i would need anything I know he'd help me out. Still he's not a friend I see or contact regularly

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  • I'm friends with guys I dated for a very short time period (like 6 months or less) but other serious relationships have many more emotions involved and being friends in my opinion would never end well, so many bad things that can happen, there's a reason their an ex so should probably keep it that way! Lol

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  • One ex I'm his friend. The other I absolutely tried to be but I fell in love so I haven't messaged him. If I have an ex I usually get them out of my life because the past is the past, no point dwelling on it.

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  • I feel if like if they earn the title "Ex ", it was probably for a good reason and you shouldn't be friends.

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  • Sort of kind of. We don't hate each other or have bad feelings towards one another. But we also don't go out of our way to communicate or make sure the other is okay. I'd like to be closer, but my ex is very immature and acts dumb most of the time.

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  • I'm not. We don't talk anymore and that's pretty fine with me. Even though it wasn't a bad breakup or anything, I guess I just don't see the point in it

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  • my ex and i broke up a week ago bc he cheated on me. and we are still friends and texting each other. i went to text him first because i really don't think i can live without him. maybe when i move on I'll break contact.

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  • I'm friends with my most recent ex. We've been friends for almost 8 years then we dated which obviously didn't work out but we are still pretty good friends.

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  • I usually try to remain friends, but I don't force the issue. If either of us still has feelings, I won't allow a friendship.

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