Guys, Why am I unlovable?

[Anonymous]

I've been in love 3 times, and none of them ever loved me back.
Last November, I met a guy online.
We had almost everything in common. We loved the same shows, made eachother laugh, played video games, liked rock climbing, and we dated casually for a few months and it was great. I asked him, after about 3 months, if he just wanted to keep things casual--honestly it was fine if he did, I just wanted to know so I didn't invest too much emotional time into it or let my guard down. But he wanted to make it official and said he saw this having a future.
So I very carefully let down my guard little by little. Hed text me good morning every day, ask how my day was, he was always there to listen if I was ever stressed out or upset about something.
And i wa always there for him.
If help clean his home, or cook him dinner or. bring him lunch on those hard days at work. Scratch his back until he falls asleep and surprise him with a new video game I knew he'd been eyeing.
We never had an argument, not even a "we disagree but it's not worth fighting over" literally nothing ever came up, were both really go with the flow types.
It's 8 months into the relationship and out of the blue he just dumps me.
"My hearts just not in it." And it completely ripped me to shreds. He was the one that pursued me, he wanted us to be official, he asked me to stay with him, he knew my past relationship abuse and how hard it was for me to trust again
And he goes and does this "oh well I don't feeeeeel like it anymore"
What is wrong with me? Or with him?
What guy doesn't want a girlfriend who is loving, supportive, doting, makes you laugh, and shares all your interests and has drive for her own goals and future and can support you and herself if need be?
This has happened to me, over and over.
I see these nagging, spoiled, girls who have 0 in common with their man--they get anniversaries and gifts and love.
Why not me?
Ask me any follow up questions.

[RickyPT]

Well, if what you said it's true, u are an amazing girlfriend and you will be a spetacular wife. However if u got yourself dumped 3 times, i can only see at the moment two possible explanations: you are unattractive so if a guy finds someone better looking than you he will probably leave you or you only fall in love for schmuck, without any principles and they won't have any problem to dump you out of the blue. If you fall for a man with attitude, values and that is responsable, i find it hard to believe he would ever leave a girl that treat him so nice as you describe. So answering you, i think you are lovable, but you need to search with other criteria, because the most important thing in a relation it's the respect for eachother.

[Asker]

We are both ex military and he's a very genuine person but I thinknhes depressed. And honestly I don't think I'm ugly, I've been told I'm cute enough times to know I'm OK at least
But he's always done the "right thing", even if he didn't want to like helping someone clear their garage when it was his only my day off or something
He always thanked me for how well I took care of him, which just confuses me even more and make a me feel. worthless because he'd just throw me away like that

[RickyPT]

Well something it's not right for sure. He always do the right thing but then out of the blue he dumps you... humm... and he is not seeing anyone else? Well how depressed is he? Is it possible he thinks that you are throwing your life away because of him?

[Asker]

He said he didn't want to hold me back, but that a crazy because he's got his own home he's an electrician and he's got a lot going for himself so I don't know why hed think that.
I've had depression, and I noticed he doesn't give himself a lot. of credit so I always made sure to give it to him when I felt it was deserved. Hed tune my motorcycle and is thank him and cook his fave dinner, or hed stay up late and tall with me when I was upset about work or school and I'd always let him know how appreciated he was
But it's little things like how he talks about himself like "I don't do anything" "I'm boring" "eh I'm not ____(hot/smart/whatever compliment is give him hed usually deflect with a joke)
Or if I ever got emotionally intimate and genuine hed again crack a joke but he would also be willing to talk with me about emotional stuff so

[Asker]

But so far, you've made the most sense and I thank you for this dialogue.
Right now it's just mind boggling to me and I hate to put the blame on someone like "what's wrong with him?" Because I always thought I was a great girlfriend, but I know I may need to take responsibility for something I may have done so I gott ask "what's wrong with ME?" And honestly I don't know what i did wrong.
He says I didn't do anything wrong, and that I was a great girl and blah blah blah... I don't know. I don't feel so great when I keep getting dumped

[RickyPT]

Well it can happen, and i am guessing that the problem with you is the fact that u try to be so perfect and that may depress him. I don't know but if i was on his shoes and i looked in the mirror and see nothing special in me, and my girlfriend was so perfect in my eyes i would think that one day she would be tired of me and leave me. He probably is afraid that in the future u tell him that you waisted the best years of your life with a loser or something like that.

[Asker]

What's the point of being a great girlfriend if it's just going to get me dumped

[RickyPT]

Honestly i dont know what to say. You say u look nice, and for what i have read u seem to be a girlfriend that any man wish to have, so... Maybe he is not the right man for you. Like women there many different kind of men, have hope. 😉

[Gophermonkey]

I can't say what it was about y'all or your relationship that made him feel that way, perhaps he wanted to try and after 8 months thought that he simply didn't see it as going very far. But what i came here to say is you shouldn't feel that way about yourself;you shouldn't feel unlovable. Everyone is unique and has their goods, their bads, and their greats, all of which make you who you are and make you worthwhile. Relationships are hard, as well as living with a history of abuse, but keeping a positive outlook and knowing why you are worthwhile, knowing that you are worthwhile is important. Always tell yourself: people love you; somewhere around the world, someone loves you.

[Asker]

But no one has?
No boyfriend has ever told me "I love you", I've never heard anyone say they love me except my dad.
I don't feel loveable because even if I try to be a "perfect" girlfriend I've never celebrated an anniversary or been told "I love you"
And I don't understand why a guy would lie about wanting a serious relationship, and he says "I didn't lie" but a guy doesn't go from "I see this having a future/you make me so happy/let's move in" to just suddenly going "my heart isn't in it anymore"
So it feels like he lied but why, I even said I was OK with just keeping things casual

[Gophermonkey]

Like i said relationships are hard, its probobly wjy I've had so few. But i still know, and still think its important to say to yourself, you are loved. Even if youve only heard it from your dad, i have no doubt its true. Im sorry its not much for help in this situation, im sorry i dont know why he would do that, hopefully someone else here has some better insight. For what its worth I've been in a relationship for all of 2 and a hlaf months of my life, but i still beleive that myself, and im convinced it helps me feel better about myself. I sincerely hope you get the answer you need, or at least feel better about this soon.

[Asker]

I just cry a lot knowing I'll never be good enough
Because I haven't been enough to keep anyone around
I'm so sick of hearing my exes say "you'll make some guy so happy some day"
Well apparently not since they all leave

[Aswin_Jose]

You've been in love 3 times and still don't know what's wrong with you? Guys will always be guys. If you need a guy to really love you, he must feel like you're something a guy should marry. Just like you girls want your boyfriend not to talk with other attractive girls, or talk about other girls to you, we guys have the same feeling (except if we're looking for sex). My advice? Find out want your loved one wants from you, he will give you clues while talking or chatting. In your case he was just looking for a girl to raise his self-esteem, he got what he wanted, he'll go search for another girl when he feels he needs it again.

[Asker]

I've never kept a guy from talking to his friends, boy or girl. A lot of my friends are guys because I play a lot of online games, so I never understood girls who don't let their bfs have friends.
And I've asked what he wants and he honestly just answered "you do so much already I don't need anything else". And if I complimented him hed just deflect it with a joke like if I went "you're so handsome in that shirt" get sarcastically go "YUP. So hot."

[Aswin_Jose]

@Thricescorned the question is "Guys, why am I unlovable?". Anyway what I meant was, if you're feeling insecure and you're boyfriend is always chatting on his phone (ignoring you and always smiling) how would you feel? What if he considers friends more important than you?

[Asker]

He never did that. We both have friends but none that we hang out with in persom (gamers). He never really did much outside of work or hanging out with me, even if I encouraged him to have a guys night. He never was on his phone unless he was reading manga, we were eachother best friends. I'm sorry I'm still not sure I get what you're saying

[Aswin_Jose]

Sorry that reply wasn't meant for you. I got confused

[Aswin_Jose]

Did you even read my opinion?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're telling us the whole story. You probably started pushing him for more and more. He didn't want to get married, so he decided to end it. Either that or you stop ped putting out as often as he wanted. Or your BJ skills are lacking. There's always a reason.

[Asker]

I never asked for anything, and we had sex twice a week, and I was always the one to initiate it. I've even asked him what he likes or any fantasies he's wanted to do and he always just said things were great as they were.
What part don't you think I'm telling? I only got 2000 characters in my first post

[Opinion Owner]

A guy will rarely give up a good piece of ass. There's always a reason. Either she's a nag, a b****, not fulfilling him sexually, or she's just boring.

[Asker]

That's why I'm here, because I haven't done any of those things
I don't nag for anything, I do it myself
I have a higher libido than him
And he never complained about my company, we both just liked video games and watched comedy shows

[Opinion Owner]

A higher libido than him? Maybe he's worried he can't keep you satisfied. Or he's tired of trying.

[Rangers]

The answer is that the men who date those girls are naive and are being taken advantage of. My suggestion is to give guys you normally wouldn't date a chance.

[Asker]

I've literally always given every guy a chance. I don't have a type, or really specific things I look for other than he's kind, is responsible, and we get along. It's not like I was ignoring someone else and took him instead

[GingerGuy]

Apparently I am too! lol. It's hard to find someone, for all of us. You're not alone. Try and stay positive, I know it's hard though.

[Anonymous]

He just wasn't the right person. It stinks that it happened but it doesn't mean you are unlovable. You will find someone who cares about you eventually.

[Asker]

That doesn't really answer anything?
The next one will just do the same thing
No matter how good I treat them, how much we have in common, and how much HE says he wants a relationship I guy can just cop out and say "oh well I'm not the one that's why I told you all those things about a future together and asked you to move in"

[Opinion Owner]

I can't really say why people do that too be honest. Best thing you can do is try and keep your head high and move on. It's difficult I know, but you'll eventually find the right person. Hope all works out for you

[Asker]

I thought he WAS the right person.
No matter how great the match up is, suddenly they just dump me out of the blue.
Like I don't know what more I can do to be a good girlfriend.
No matter how great I treat them, even if they explicitly say they want something serious, it suddenly ends at 10months with "oh I need to be on my own and figure things out"
If I hear a gut say 1 more time he needs to "figure things out" I'm gonna flip

[Dchrls78104]

You are not unlovable. You never were. You just got with guys who were wrong for you.

[Asker]

I never thought someone who has so much in common with me and loved spending time with me would be "wrong" for me. It seems like it doesn't matter how good you treat someone or how many things you have in common it just doesn't matter, nothing matters you just have to get lucky and pray to God he likes you for some reason.

[Anonymous]

I will love you. Give me you number? I live in America and am looking for a girlfriend to love.

[jarjar2018]

there's someone.. just keep moving

[Asker]

So just get my heart broken again?

[jarjar2018]

Not at all... just protect yourself better

[jarjar2018]

Your thought

[Asker]

So, just never open up ever? Because I kept my guard up for 7 months making sure I could trust him.
I know a good relationship is about trust and communication
He was there for me 1000 times and he was open about what he wanted for us
Honestly it just feels like I should never trust anyone ever and just break their heart instead
Butnthat will never happen because no guy has ever loved me so what do they care if I leave

[jarjar2018]

Never tried that.. due explain more... hmmm private message

[jarjar2018]

Let me know

[Asker]

I don't understand what you're saying/asking

[jarjar2018]

Lets chat somewhere else? And you can explain more for me?

[Asker]

I don't see why a PM is necessary for this topic.

[jarjar2018]

We should

[jarjar2018]

Whay size are you

[Asker]

3. He didn't dump me because of my weight, I know that much

[jarjar2018]

Had to ask

[Asker]

No, you didn't.

[jarjar2018]

Yes i did

[jarjar2018]

Never know

[banga]

Never give up you can try me if you want to