Why am I unlovable?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I try so hard with the women I like, and it always gets me nowhere! I had a blind date, and half the time she just ignored me. And as me and my friends left the bar, she gave her number to some random guy that approached her. I told my friend as we were waiting outside, and he gave me a hug, and told me he’s sorry. He told me he came here to spend time with me. Afterwards, I just left the car when we were carpooling together with her. And just said goodbye without even looking at her. I don’t know what I do wrong? Like I’m not a bad person, I constantly try to make myself a better person every day. I was even nice to her even after knowing she didn’t like me. I can’t be mean to anyone unless they deserve it. I have a great paying job too. I’m not bad looking either. I’ve even been asked out by a random girl recently for example. But our personalities were too different, and I wasn’t really attracted to her. It would do her more wrong if I was to pretend to interested in her. It just feels like all my efforts are for nothing. I’m not bad in relationships either. All my exes would take me back if they could. I’m just sad because I want a relationship. I want to be in love. I have closed myself off from it for a very long time now because I’m scared of getting hurt as always.

Updates

+1 y

It makes me teary eyed just typing this and thinking about my past

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes things just don't work out for reasons beyond our control. But that doesn't mean you're unlovable. A few thoughts:

- One blind date going poorly means nothing. Dating is a numbers game, you're bound to face rejection sometimes.

- Comparing yourself to random dudes who get girls' numbers isn't useful. You have so much more to offer than a pickup line.

- Focus on being your best self for YOU, not just to please others. Confidence comes from self-acceptance.

- Taking breaks from dating after a letdown is normal. But don't shut yourself off from love completely either.

Keep putting yourself out there in a low-pressure way. Join social groups, make friends without intentions. A connection may form when you least expect. And learn from each experience - we grown through failures as much as successes. You seem like a caring, conscientious dude - your person is out there, bro. Chin up!

[BoopBoopBeep]

You had a bad date. There will be hundreds more. Why are you being such a drama queen because some random girl you were on a first date with wasn't into you? There's 4 billion women on this planet. Most of them will never be into you.

[Anonymous]

“All my exes would take me back if they could.”

Do you realize how utterly delusional that sounds?

[Asker]

They texted me and have invited me to spend time with me. I declined because we wouldn’t work out. I’m not delusional. It’s the truth. I broke with all my girlfriends because something happened between us. I’ve been cheated on for example. Another example is that we wouldn’t work out because she was too crazy to handle. I constantly had to take care of her.

[Sonorous]

Sounds to me like you could benefit from changing your definition of love.

[Asker]

What should I change it with?

[Sonorous]

It's up to you but I'd suggest changing it in ways that wouldn't legitimately entertain the idea of unworthy people influencing your perception of love. Because if they can do it so easily, then was it ever really love? Did they really have that to give? Or was it mainly something else.

[Wood3nWhal3]

Try not caring and not apologizing for doing so. Once you master this, the women you talk to will never cease to complain to their friends why they can't get over you. But remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

[LiamJHayden]

Some people just do not click. Cast a wide net and just enjoy yourself whether of not you and she click.