My boyfriend and I had a heated argument a few hours ago and he slammed himself into my room. (He lives with me but doesn’t pay rent, only does house things). I told him to let me in only to get my things/clothes and I’ll leave him alone. He was acting like a child and told me to leave him alone and he’ll get everything I need as long as I stay out the room. I got upset and went in to get my things and he pushed me on the floor and pushed the nightstand over. I went back to working from home and he came back out and said he wanted us to work on things and the reason why he pushed me was because I was provoking him. I told him it’s best if we didn’t be together if I make him that mad. Was this the best decision or we should’ve talked it out?
My boyfriend pushed me because I was ‘provoking him’. I told him it was best we not be together. Was this the best decision?
Anyone who says you "provoke" them is not being responsible for their anger and actions. He's making excuses for unacceptable behavior. It's pointless to talk about this because your situation was a poor one to begin with. Never have a man live with you who doesn't contribute financially. Why doesn't he have a job. "Doing things around the house" does not pay for groceries, utilities or anything else.
I don't care what kind of job a man has, as long as he has one. I'm sure he has excuses for the fact that he's not employed, too. Boot this loser out and look for a man who won't physically abuse you, make excuses for violent behavior and is too shiftless to work!
If you need help to get rid of him, find a male friend to help usher him out. Change your phone number and move also. Protect yourself. These kinds of men are often stalkers. Don't end up a domestic violence statistic. Get therapy so you don't end up doing this again and to work out your feelings about this relationship failure and so you won't do it again. Good luck.
Most importantly, don't let this asshole talk himself back into your life. End it clean.
Well if you pay attention to yourself you already know the answer to your question a few times over your in a hard spot because you were friends lovers boy friend girlfriend but your also the grown up. Bread winner I dont know but you probably haven't been happy for a while . This is what happens in relationships 1 person want to grow expand. Experience life you have a plan. And the other person kinds just stops doing anything and when this happens it sucks he doesn't want what you want you like the new found Freedom of change and you take it on.. he doesn't want change he wants it to stay where it's at because he feels safe. he's probably older than you but your more mature you're looking at things like you have to succeed there's no way after this where he's thinking he's afraid to even try. Like I said I think you already know the outcome of this I think you've thought about it many times just got out loud and by you asking this question you're starting to say it out loud. All I can say is good luck and just be careful because if you trust you once he's going to push you again because he's hurt we never think that are boyfriend or girlfriend would ever hurt us and sometimes when we think we know somebody we really do it so I just say whichever direction you go just be careful
He only hit you because he believes you're the type of person who will put up with it. You're now at a crossroads where you need to decide if you're going to be a victim or not. And by the way, violent people usually escalate the violence over time till next thing you know they're stabbing you in the eye or breaking your bones for fun. It's no joke. I don't care how much I'm into a woman... if she laid a finger on 1 hair on my head I would dump her on the spot. The world is full of guys who wouldn't shove you over an argument.
Your boyfriend lacks self-control and is heavily influenced by his emotions. On top of that he's okay with living off of you and (probably) has never proven to you that he can even hold a job down or that he has any interest/ambition in being better. Any one of these things would make him a loser. You can do better.
And stop moving in with / letting guys move in with you. Just because lots of people do it doesn't make it a good idea. You have this guy way too much trust. See A Note On Giving Trust
One more thing.. sometimes we make mistakes in life & one of the best lessons is when we don't get what we want so you dumping him may be a good life lesson for him & help him do better in his future relationships. But don't settle for this guy. No matter how much he begs you. Not everybody was meant to be together.
He pushed the nightstand over? No. Furniture can actually be a weapon. If he pushed it, or it fell, near you, you could be hurt. That is the part of the story where it becomes a done deal, in my estimation. He's violent. You have every right to leave and don't look back.
In short: The sooner you remove him from your life, the safer you will be. What you describe is domestic violence and domestic abuse. This kind of thing rarely gets better with time, and usually gets worse. Even if things get better after talking, it's usually only a matter of time before he reverts to previous behavior, as will you. It's a no-win situation in the long run. You sound like you have a life going for yourself. He sounds like he has not much of a life if any going for himself. Bottom line: Dump him. You deserve better.
I don't care if you're a man or woman, the minute you put your hands on your significant other the relationship is over. Unless it's a kink you two like to act out, it's never acceptable to push, shove, hit or otherwise assault your partner. I think your decision is the best for you and if you have doubts think about it this way: If he was willing to push you down because you went into "YOUR" room that "HE" locked himself in. Imagine what else he will do for greater, or even lesser, problems in your relationship?
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It's hard to say in a way because on one hand, emotions can get the better of us and cause us to do something like that even if we never thought we would, and maybe he mistook what you really were doing (getting your clothes) as provoking (he didn't know that's what you were doing?). On the flip side, it's not like you got up in his face either or pushed him first or anything right? So if that's the case, there was NO reason at all for him to do that. In this case yes I think that was the best decision, and if you do want to work it out, then he might need some anger management classes or counselling? Or you'll have to come to an agreement on the next time and how you can both handle it better (ie, give each other space until you calm down, then talk about it).
As a man he wants to be in charge of relationship, but his not working and paying so his just a bum, insecurity comes up, you obviosly dont respect him or his words at all you walked all over him and his last resort to get in charge was to use primal physical difference of why men have been in charge for thousands of years. Brute force. Well obviosly its toxic relationship you both want to be in charge, so you will fight for it, put on gloves and ring the bell for round 1. I wouldn't like u to walk all over me like that either but then again i wouldn't like not to pay my part of rent otherwise i can't even argue. So i dont like non of you. I would walk away from that house and leave both of you behind. That shit is gonna explode
You didn't respect him and when he put you in place. You quit. You will never get a man you will have to settle with a simp which you can walk all over. And that won't make you happy. Learn to respect his boundaries, you can't test them and be surprised that they exist.
Break up, sounds like a BOY not a man. Having a temper tantrum and pushing you over is not okay. As adults you need to learn to communicate without violence or tantrums. So immature. And why the hell isn’t he helping financially/paying rent? Makes him even more of a boy.
"Provoking him". I assume that's the first time this happened. Now, I don't know y'all but this is worrisome. This has the potential to turn into an abusive relationship, so you BETTER RUN. If you are verbally provoked, you should verbally respond. Putting your hands on someone are no way to go. He might have anger issues or something. If your gut tells you to leave, then leave.
Omg... you really have to ask if you made the right choice? Really? Unfortunately it doesn't mean much because he lives with you. So, unless you are moving out then I would expect it to continue, and keep escalating. Until eventually he kills you because 'you provoked him'
Yes, I think so. Definitely the best choice. But if he made you uncomfortable this probably the best for both of you to separate, because it does not sound like a healthy relationship. These types of behaviors have a way of escalating over time, so if you make an exception here then it almost the same as make what he did right. So next time it might not end with a simple push, because you allowed happen before.
And by the way a guy that doesn't pay his share of rent sounds like a loser.
If two or more people can’t respect each other’s space, you shouldn’t be together.
Note: Who pays or doesn’t pay for rent isn’t really relevant unless that was the argument. In any case, it wasn’t an issue before so why bring it up now? No shade, it’s a genuine question.
Yes this was the best decision. It would have turned into an abusive relationship, and you would have ended up beaten up... or worse eventually. You are lucky, you knew the relationship had turned to bad news and bailed. A lot of Women don't because they:
A. Don't know how to leave B. Are too scared C. Are in denial there is anything wrong
Stay as far away from this Guy as you can. You are better off without him, and he just has to learn he has to move on with life.
You were partially correct. It's best that you not be together because of how he reacted to his own anger, not because you are part of the reason. He threw you to the floor and started bashing stuff over what - an argument? A difference of opinion? A he said/she said? Something you did or didn't do? Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't life or death.
Bottom line is, he put his hands on you in anger, and not in a good way. It's a big red flag, and it gets worse - THAT'S why it's best you split up.
violence/abuse is never good. Was it a onetime thing, or a sign of what is to come in the future? This can be a tough call, myself I would not put up with it. I had a kitchen knife go sailing past my head and through a window once. I left and never looked back.
You both need to work on yourselves and learn how to communicate better but definitely he needs to leave and you guys need to call it quits yes you were partially at fault but that doesn’t give him the right to put his hands on you like that and if you were my daughter I would beat his ass I’m getting mad right now just thinking about it I’d show him anger problems
I think what she should have done is give him his space give him time to calm down and try to be more understanding and I am not saying that his actions are okay but if she knows that the guys has a short temper why is she still with him.
Okay you are only telling us what is convenient for you. You didn't mention what happened that made you two argue. Perhaps you should have been more understanding to him instead of adding fuel to the fair.
I think that is the correct decision, it might be a push this time, but next time it might be a slap or a punch. Provoking him is no excuse for him doing that, a real man should be able to control his temper, and never take it out on a woman.
From what I see she should at least try to be more understanding asking the guy what was wrong or what was bothering him. Guys don't just over react for no reason.
I’m all for second chances but things like this rarely only happens once. What you do next sets the tone for the way he thinks he can treat you for the rest of your relationship. If that had happened to me, I’d be done with him.
Home > Break Up & Divorce > Questions > My boyfriend pushed me because I was ‘provoking him’. I told him it was best we not be together. Was this the best decision?
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