Is it possible to get back with the mother of my kids after she got into a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

I won’t go into too much detail here but, the mother of my 4 children and I broke up about 10 months ago, we were together for 7 years, and despite the breakup we’ve been seeing each other and having sex, going out etc. fast forward to August 1st and she’s in a new relationship, I’m hurt and I’m distraught, she told me that we’ve been broken up for 10 months so it should be easy for me, but it’s not easy because for those 10 months we’ve been involved with each other and I’m only just now feeling the breakup. So my question is, is there still hope to get her back? Are there any people here who have been in a similar situation who have had some success in getting the mother of their kids back after she got into a new relationship? I need advice on how to cope, cause as things stand I feel like I’m losing my mind. Thank you!

[PrettyPriya]

There is always a chance that you can get back together. Are you still seeing her other than for your children since the new relationship? I have never been in this position. I would think the only thing you can do is hope that with a new person she sees what she is missing.

That would be my hope anyway. Other than talking about this, I'm not sure there is anything you can do. You don't want to wedge your way in between their relationship and be that kind of guy.

You have to be respectful of her choice. That is so important because of the kids. You don't want to push her away and then have issues seeing your children if she were to get mad.

The hope here is that she sees this guy and then starts to realize that she is missing a lot of what she had with you, even though you are separated. Seven years is a long time and she might soon find out that the dating world is not for her and she wants to reconcile with you. Best of luck to you.

[Asker]

I saw here just a few days ago and we messed around, other than that she’s being cold as ICE and posting her new guy all over Facebook and making it look he’s the best thing ever.

[PrettyPriya]

Did something happen between the two of you that she is try to make you feel jealous?

[Asker]

Nothing happened, but I stated that it’s hard for a mother of 4 to find someone to take her seriously! And I feel like that’s a perfectly valid statement considering her new guy is 26 with no kids, a good social life, he’s always out at bars and it makes little sense to me that he would decide to date a mother of 4. I feel like he took advantage of her vulnerability.

[PrettyPriya]

Honestly, the more you get into the details, the more I think you are right. Looks like he did take advantage of the fact that not many other guys are going to be willing to put in the work with a single mom of 4.

Still, that lifestyle of the new guy is likely going to get old real quick to her. He is going to be out all the time when she can't be. Also will get boring for him. He is going to want to go out and do stuff and likely to hear "I can't because of the kids" way more than he wants to.

I think you just need to wait out this little fling. Let her get it out of her system and realize how it isn't ideal for where she is in life.

[Nightskies]

This might sound bad but I think you should find someone that’s willing to pretend to be your girlfriend in front of her and see how she reacts. If she’s jealous or tries to come back to you then just wait till her little fling is over. But if she’s not bothered by it then I think you should do your best to move on. But from what it sounds like, you guys have been messing around even tho you guys broke up so she’s basically been using you while she was looking for another relationship and taking advantage of you maybe already knowing you still love her. So in my opinion, conclusion, I think you need to find someone better that will respect you and love you and your kids. Remind yourself of your worth and value.

[d3n0939]

I agree with her. Do the same to her

[d3n0939]

and again, she was just using him. He is better without the shitty person

[hahahmm]

Sorry this happened to you...

My take is she has ZERO feeling for you. The worst situation I was ever in, she was still exclusive with me so when I cut off 100% of the intimacy (no sex, kissing, emotional support) I had leverage and she realized she missed everything and came back. Your ex is whoring/into getting everything she thinks she missed out on when she was with you. You're like a 20+ year-old car to her & she has the new car sitting in her driveway.

Actually the fact you let her know you even want her back works against you. It makes you look weak/needy and just re-enforces in her mind that she can do better, in my opinion. Better to be the guy a woman is begging to come back to because you put your life totally into build/growth mode. But if you do that you might also realize that she's not worthy of you unless she makes major, major changes.

[hahahmm]

Oh, and I have heard of cases like yours where the ex man (you) is working hard & doing everything right.. and finds out his ex is neglecting the kids and spending all of her time in bed with dudes. One guy found out his kid hadn't been picked up from school for hours because mom was busy in bed. I think he came close to doing a VERY late abortion on her.

[Asker]

Thankfully the thought of late abortions hasn’t crossed my mind, but she does leave our kids often at her mothers house so that she can be with the guy, to me that’s just the same as being neglectful.

[hahahmm]

If I'm you.. especially if the kids are boys, I would put 100% into making sure they have me as a good role model and teach them everything they need to make it in the world. I wouldn't trash talk her to them but I would make sure they got everything I could give. I would forget about her. Of course it's going to hurt if you were in a serious relationship that you put your soul into for 7+ years and one day you realize that she doesn't give a crap about you. But you can get over it and move on. btdt. It makes you stronger in the long term.

[hahahmm]

Checkout my MyTakes. May give you some ideas.

[Asker]

Yea you might just be right! I’m on here looking for success stories and hope, maybe what’s best is to let things run their course. I should focus on my sons. I appreciate what you’ve said here :)

[hahahmm]

One last thing.. I've also seen with women is they can be fickle (shocker, I know). She could be totally not into you today and into you a year from now... BUT it's your job to make wise decisions and not just say, 'yes' because something is offered. And IF you ever do get back with her make sure you lead, and set ground rules... don't do the "we're equal partners" bs. It doesn't work. See my Mytake on leadership!

[Avicenna]

I can understand why you'd want to, but there is no chance until she is convinced that there is no other man out there for her. Right now, she is getting attention from this guy and thinks there are others out there as well, ones whom she isn't mad at like she is with you.

But here's some good news- no guy is going to want a permanent relationship with a woman who already has four young children, so she might be open at some point to your return. Just be patient and see what happens.

[wonderingstarxo]

Uh well...
As a woman... when I break up with a man, it's something thats been stewing for quite a while. I dont like regrets. So I will stay with a man until I literally have NO feelings for him. Women typically do this. By the time we say we are done. We are DONE. no going back.

[lightbulb27]

Probably…
Seems the bigger question is how to stay or stabilize the relationship.


I wish you well… tough times. Remember you are very important to the well being of the kids and their emotional development.

[Guy13]

Not until that relationship implodes..

[Guy13]

And that gaping hole that neither the kids or you filled is realized unfulfilled. AS you grow in Provision ($$$$$) abilities into "Man."... And, she can envision the Beginning being the Best as everyone has grown less her. In and through Jesus the Christ can really help you there with a sense of Peace amongst chaos... this "energy that was not there... he's got a different Vibe... even kids feel it" RESPECT is what we want but not easily earned... SO in the meantime:

[Guy13]

So, in the meantime... Mercy: NOT getting what is deserved prevalent both in life and judicial system.
Grace:getting what is undeserved In and through Christ Jesus.
Women don't do either... ;-)

[In_Trance]

Why bother?