Am I Considered a Fickle Pickle in this Relationship?

Question

**My Fiance (Not sure I should Call him this now) Took a Break (Not even sure If IT Wasn't just a Break-up instead) For I had just Moved Nearly a Month ago to a Lovely place On My Own. I share this Place with Two other people but Not an EX (Bestie Friend) who is just a Part of my Family For Years and also a Biz partner. I now have More Freedom and Space and Feel Happier now. I can also get back into My Second book I am Writing. However, For Three years I have Been in a Long Distance Relationship with Alistyr from Gag (Not here anymore) and We became Engaged. Rings, etc. I became Part of His Family as well. We exchange Gifts, etc. I realize (Not judging neither) Many of You Frown on a LDR but it was Everything Beautiful to Us and We have/Had made it Work. I became a Bit of a problem in My Own Right with some Things and It Caused friction. And of Course, He Has/Had his own Flaws. But we still Love One another very much. Trouble Is, I am Not SURE anymore I wish to get Married and Be his Wife. Even now to Wear his Ring, Which I put Aside for Now. I don't Want to Keep going Back and Forth to Cause Him anymore pain and Anguish and Confusion. I need Advice from my Friends Here on How to Proceed now? Any Input Is Greatly Appreciated. Thank You, Friends. xx

White_Widow · Accepted Answer

I think you came to a point/realization where you are finding out that it isn't becoming the "relationship" you hoped it would be.

Now you need to find out whether you can come to terms with this being as it is or come to terms that it sort of ends here.

If someone would say to me "I'm not sure if I still want to get married" no matter the reason, it literally points out that the relationship isn't how it's supposed to be. Marriage should be with a thought of growing old together, out of love and friendship. You both need to fight for it and most beautifully, if the relationship is how its supposed to be you both fight for almost effortlessly because of that love and friendship. Because you both want the same, to see the other person happy, to both become better people because you have each other to lean upon, to support each other, to love one another.

I understand it's hard and none of us can make any decisions for you. But I don't think this is the relationship that will keep making you happy long term. And you do deserve to be happy.

Either way, good luck Paris with whatever you decide to do.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

If the "legal" aspect of marriage is what bothers you, that's one thing, but that's not really the question unless that's the ONLY thing that bothers you. Marriage, without the legal or religious aspects, is essentially a mutually agreed upon commitment of your own design. Do you agree?

When I hear you say " ... Trouble Is, I am Not SURE anymore I wish to get Married and Be his Wife ( ... but we still Love One another very much). it makes me ask "what are you UNSURE of if you're SURE you love him?" A formalized commitment? Being "relegated to wife"?

When you say "I'm sure... I want him in my life...", etc., that sounds to me like you're as afraid to picture life without him as you are with him. While this is happening with you, what does HE want? How does HE want to proceed?

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I am confused. Is your recent move the problem? Or are you just at a point of questioning the strength of your feelings?

pizzalovershouse · Answer

You already feel peace so time to say were over give ring back dont let your heart hurt just do it an know its been a long time coming an you both just grew apart no ones fault we all grow but some times we are not on same page as the one we love it hurts to break up I know been there had a ex that couldn't grow an couldn't meet m half way it was my way even when they were wrong an there is proof your right so I stuck it out to ling so I learnt to break it off to Late

Surely · Answer

My first question would be. Why do you feel so much more relaxed and free in your new place? Are your roommates male or female?
Why didn’t you move in with your fiancé. Since it has been three years plus you are engaged and wanting to spend your life with this guy.

How far apart is this LDR?
I get the feeling that you two are not the compatible couple that you would like to be.
Good luck, Paris!

Sixgunsound · Answer

What is your deep desire telling you? Is it romantic or platonic? You say you want him in your life, despite no longer having feelings of a romantic nature for him. I think you’ve answered your own question.

AviatorTom · Answer

You're questioning the relationship, so you need to decide if you want a relationship, and if so, what kind. I can't tell you what to do... only your can decide that.

humanearth · Answer

Stay single for a spell, and break off all ties to him till your pain heals.

Once the the pain is gone and if you want to reconnect with him. So be it. At least now you have clear head to make sensable decisions when it comes to him

Jamie05rhs · Answer

TALK about your issues. Don't just brush them aside or sweep them under the rug. Get to the root of the problem. He honest with each other. See if you can work it out.

Massageman · Answer

Just a shot in the dark here, but maybe you would want to ask HIM his take on what you just posed to US. :- )

Likes2drive · Answer

That’s why LDR is a very tough and so are relationships but if you have a lot of doubts then maybe you shouldn’t get involved

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Well, if you know what you want, that's not fickle, is it?

Andres77 · Answer

Take the long view… in 5 years, what will you have wished you’d done?

Guardian45 · Answer

It's GREAT that you made a LDR, but DON'T RUSH THINGS. Be sure you want this to be some kind if permanent committed bond to one another. GO SLOW!

Jerre · Answer

I voted A. Just see where it goes

msc545 · Answer

Keep it at LD.

Am I Considered a Fickle Pickle in this Relationship?

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