Is it time for a divorce, I really need help?

[Anonymous]

My wife has a lot of trauma from the start of our relationship. We both made horrible mistakes. I have since overcome the resentment even though it’s hard at times. I have moved forward. I’m not perfect, but I do take a lot of pride in serving my wife and trying to be the best husband I can. My wife does too. She however cannot let go of the trauma and the intense fights from the past. It’s almost any serious conversation today in which she cuts me off, yells at me, and disrespects me. I’m beginning to hate myself because of this. I feel like a half of a man. I find it hard to respect myself when my wife disrespects me so frequently. It makes me feel horrible. Today after she yelled at me again, I had a mental breakdown. I told her she cannot yell at me like this anymore and she needs it grow up. Moments later she said “if you think it’s all me then you can fuck off”. My heart rate went to about 200 and I started screaming into my pillow until I coughed up blood. My hands are still shaking. I can’t handle the blatant disrespect and verbal abuse anymore. I’ve been patiently waiting for her to heal and move forward but it’s not changing. There’s improvement but she’s still doing this.

Updates

+1 y

This has also been going on for over a year

[Anonymous]

okay don't blame yourself. don't blame her either. she needs help, she isn't acting like this because she wants to, she is acting like this because she cannot help it and cannot cope with things very well because of the past trauma. trauma is a terrible thing and can morph people into someone that they totally aren't. I don't know what happened in your case, but i have trauma myself. it's not fun for either parties and yes it makes me feel guilty.

of course it's not fair to either of you. but i do think you both need some counseling and therapy. both together and separate.

things won't change over night. they won't change over a year. but they will get better if you both put in the effort. it will be a long process. but if you don't want to deal with it, then do what you think is best for you and her.

you said at the end of your paragraph that she has improved. is that not SOMETHING? it's not like they're being stagnant or getting worse.

but it is up to you.

[ohsheeT]

What made you fall in love with her why did you care so much you wanted to marry her what are all the things that you like about her why do you want to run from the situation why can't you take two steps out of the picture and take a look at it and be honest 100% honest and make it work it's a choice walking away from something is a choice getting married to somebody who's a choice if you can't take a couple steps back and be honest with yourself that's when most people get divorced because they have made everything so miserable they don't even like themselves if you love her then you do exactly what you said you need help you go and get help if you don't love her don't treat her bad and treat her good and you tell her you fill all the things that you feel calmly and tell her that you think you need to get into worse you're not happy no more and you can't make her happy at work is that your choice that's not mine

[Guy13]

Counseling…never ending counseling

[Asker]

We did therapy for a while. It was mostly dealing with our fights in those weeks we went.

[Asker]

We went for a year straight almost weekly. It’s still not changing

[Guy13]

Alright 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

That’s the position I’m in. I hate the idea of divorce. I don’t want to. I also don’t know if I’m being naive by staying.

[Guy13]

You know it is never changing. Is she trying to disable you totally? Do you work ⁉️