Is there ANYONE here who can Figure Out My Heart and Head?

[Paris13]

**I recently Broke OFF with my LDR fiance because I realized I didn't Want Strings anymore. It happened After my Move to another County in my State. And I was Not having Good Vibes on Some of Our relationship. We fought Quite a bit. I Continue to Keep him on Facebook (We are not Really speaking Much now) But yet I will TAUNT Him too On the Book (And his Game on there I RESENT) and he will Unfriend and Then... Befriend me again if I ask him. What is Wrong With me? I do still Love him in Some Ways and my Heart does Miss Him. Any Advice and Insight would be Helpful. xx

You want Friendship, Paris!

You want him Back, Paris!

Half and Half, Paris!

You are Confsued right Now, Paris!

No Contact is Best, Paris!

Look down Here, Paris!

[Massageman]

Are you planning on confsuing him? "Strings" will likely be tied both ways. fIghting "quite a bit" is another thing, though. Or, maybe you are just afraid to DO. IT. ALL. AGAIN. In the meantime, read OlderAndWiser's answer. A-A can be applied to just about every decision. We just have to bid ta-ta to our dying/dead hot tub: costs too much to resuscitate a 23 year old tub these days!

[Paris13]

lol!!! Okay, Well, Thanks! xx

[Massageman]

Thanks for the MHO. The hot tub comment was a case of the approach/avoidance techniques already mentioned. Sorry if I was vague about that.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why do you "taunt" him? And what do you do?

[Paris13]

I Resent him for Many things... xx

[Jamie05rhs]

@Paris13 So it's basically negative feelings and emotions that you have held in. And you lash out at him online. Is that right?

[Paris13]

And through Emails, We stopped doing the Messages and Facetime. xx

[Jamie05rhs]

@Paris13 Well, being toxic won't accomplish anything.

Was he toxic to you?

[Paris13]

I was More Toxic, Jaimie. Called a Truce now... xx

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. 💜. Thanks for being honest.

And thanks for the MHO!

[OlderAndWiser]

"The approach-avoidance conflict definition can be summarized as a psychological conflict that arises when a goal is perceived as both desirable and undesirable. Someone may grapple with various advantages and disadvantages related to a decision that must be made. The conflict may lead to stress and indecision, including a period of back-and-forth thinking. Extreme uncertainty can plague the thinker in the aforementioned situation, as there are pros and cons for the end goal/decision. Stress may arise because someone has to accept that there will be an advantage they will miss out on no matter what choice is made. Approach-avoidance conflict is experienced by all people at some point, as weighing pros and cons of a situation are common and part of the decision-making process."

https://study.com/learn/lesson/approach-avoidance-conflifct-overview-examples.html

Paris, you need to decide whether you can accept the negatve aspects of the relationship and set aside all complaining and bickering about the problems. If you can, then perhaps you need to reconsider the breakup, but I suspect that you aren't really willing to tolerate the negatives of your recent ex. . . and it being long distance makes it even more difficult to tolerate.

So if those things are intolerable, you need to have a talk with yourself, realize that you are keeping yourself in limbo, and that prevents you from moving forward in any way. So, if the break up is inevitable, tell yourself to let your head - not your heart - be in charge until this break up is finished. And the best way to do that is to engage in absolute and total no contact.

[Paris13]

Thank You, dear. NC mainly has Been His Idea. I slam dunk him on FB and his Game a lot to Get Out my Feelings of Resentment... Doesn't help. But I am Trying to Stop it. He gets Me. xx

[lightbulb27]

In essence I think you are avoiding the pain of loss and starting over again, holding onto the threads of attachment, for it's lonley leaving. I think that because that's what I'd do... avoid the loss, but not commit. That by the way, will wast your time if not drive you nuts.

When you face the cold lonely world again, having to start all over in the mess of dating world we have, you may want to run back. ok. Or maybe you look at it and decide that the attraction and reality was not good and you aren't willing to change or accept it, and move on. If you do that, suffer the pain for 6-9 months making a void, and start over. Facing that with courage will give you a shot of hormones that gets you to a new place.

love in a way, is a battlefield... an emotional one. my girlfriend and I went through that and I resisted committing, we broke up for some time. we reconnected, pushed through the major barriers I had... then I committed to it. Once I did that, there was still some rough spots and pain we got through, but I committed to the change... because I saw the good, and she's emotionally supported better. We were married this year, doing well. change is refreshing, challenging. sometimes it's hard, but I really think at our ages, it's good.. especially if life is stale for you. We've lived so much more life together than if we were apart and I've come to understand her and love and appreciate more who she is as a person, as a mother, wife.

only you can decide...

[Paris13]

I guess leave IT in God's Hands. Happy you Had a Happy Ending. xx

[Baredog]

Paris there is no way, your a woman, I'm a man therefore I have about zero chance of understanding you and probably less in helping, but this is what I've got. 😂First impression the relationship sounds toxic as heck. No healthy relationship should have that much fighting between you. It sounds as if it has taken sometime for you to come to the conclusion that the good times are no longer worth the pain. Fear and insecurities sound like the largest factors as to why you're not letting go. Maybe fear of being alone or doing the dating thing at this point in your life I'm sure is not something you ever expected. If it's not the sex was so good you can't let go, I'm very sure you're wrestling fear and insecurity. This is not meant to sound mean at all. Take a look at this, if you're like me the years ahead are not nearly as many as the ones we've lived. Take a few days with Zero contact, that is Z E R O (0) None at all. Just plucking a number out of the air here... let's say you are facing the best 15 years of your life, the happiest, most fun, best vacations, most peaceful, but very could be the last years too. Everything you've worked your whole life for is finally here. Is he part of that dream? Do you REALLY feel he can bring you the BEST years, the MOST fun, GREATEST, happiness, and BEST vacations? If you determine he can bring you those things remember there's one more. Can he bring you the most PEACEFUL times between those other things. Can you count on him to be the one who may have to care for you if God forbid something goes wrong.. Huge decision and you know no matter how many responses you get, only you have the answer. Put your big girl panties on, and do what you already know needed to be done. 😉👍 Good luck

[Paris13]

Thank you so much and Welcome to Gag Town. I needed this. xx

[TrueConfection]

I'm sorry to hear that Paris.

You may be missing the routine of the relationship... sharing, talking, texting, whatever that routine may have been. There is a sense of comfort and complacency that comes with having predictability (in both great relationships and even the most toxic relationships).

Perhaps there are things you do miss about him? Obviously you liked some qualities of his. Of course, those aren't always enough to justify committing to a relationship that isn't going to work out or to someone with negative characteristics that outweigh the positive.

My only advice to you is to find something else enjoyable to fill that time. When you have an urge to check on him, take a walk or get a glass of water. Call your mom or best friend just to say hi and see how their day is going. Give yourself a manicure or pick up a book.

Best wishes Paris! 🤗

[Paris13]

Thank you, @True Confession. I talk a lot to my Sister in Another State and I also am Focusing on More of my Second Play. I have a First Published Play out. I keep busy and May go Back to Healthcare working. I also have a Wholesale family Biz. I miss some Things and Miss him but Not our Drama. We Fought Al ot more before My Move. Thank you so Much and Hugs. xx

[Summeroflove]

You need to figure out. Either you want him back reach out to him or you don’t and just leave it be. You can choose to follow him on social media or not.


But. As of now. He is your ex. He is no longer obligated to put up with your shit. I don’t mean to sound harsh. But it’s the truth.

[Paris13]

Right!!! xx

[menina]

I'm sorry to hear this. Maybe you need to stay away from him, at least for a while. That way you'll have time to think, to take care of yourself and figure out what you want.

Take time for yourself Paris, I guess that's what you're missing.

[Paris13]

Thank You, sweetheart, Calling a Truce and Barely Now NC. IT's best. xx

[menina]

You're welcome. I hope you start feeling better. 🤗

[AviatorTom]

The best way to get over someone is to find someone new. Only you can decide what you want, but it seems you want to end this and move on.

So, take a week of no contact with him to get him out of your system, and then rejoin the dating scene.

[Paris13]

I Have Had Them ALL. lol!!! xx

[AviatorTom]

Then have them all... AGAIN! 😎

[mayur1598]

All you need is brake from it right now...
Watch Eat Pray Love movie of Julia Roberts... You need that right now in your life...

[Paris13]

Yes, That was what I Called myself when I was Going to Morocco but Ended UP in Egypt with a Muslim Man whom I did Marry for Awhile. lol!!! xx

[mayur1598]

So that means you are happy now in your life...

[Paris13]

I am but Yet, I want Him as a Friend at Least but NOT to Depend on ME. He wants MORE I think if He Can Count on Me and Trust me to Stay. xx

[mayur1598]

Just be yourself... Talk with him... have a closure...

[exitseven]

You don't want him but you don't want to be alone. Lots of people feel this way when they get out of a relationship. Just remember why you ended it in the first place

[Paris13]

lol Never Alone but Feeling a Missing Link of Him. xx

[exitseven]

Yes, , it is sort of like this. https://www. youtube. com/watch? v=XKU0S5K5aYE
I ended a long distance relationship after 4 years and I was amazed at how different the world seemed to me the next day. "It felt so strange to lead my life alone."

[Sevenpointfive]

you like things about him but it's not enough to have an intimate relationship. keep the friendship

[Paris13]

That tis Best I think. xx

[clampfan101]

First step is to let yourself calm down. Give your heart and your head some time to relax and get back in good motion. Nothing should be rushed, especially love.

[Paris13]

Thank You, dear. xx

[KatherineJ]

If you had ANY doubts, you did the right thing by ending it. At least until those doubts are addressed. Other than that, I have no idea about the rest.

[Paris13]

Just suddenly Felt Strangulated. xx

[KatherineJ]

Better to feel that BEFORE you said “I do”.

[Paris13]

I think He Always Thought I's be the "I DO" Girl. xx

[KatherineJ]

Well, it took me a long time to be the “I do” girl. I had to be completely sure I knew who I was marrying (and what I was doing).

[Paris13]

I think Him living Out in The UK is Harder to Handle... xx

[carlgpfeifer]

when I was married from 20 years ago it was going great til was being harassed from my ex wife I had to file for divorce very many engaged couples break off there engagements do to ther cheating habits it's better to be friends

[Paris13]

Why are You Single? lol!!! xx

[Surely]

Life is too short to be unsure of your relationship with a LDR person.
Make a complete break and take time to do some soul searching. If you love him set him free. If it was meant to be. He will come back to you!

[Paris13]

He Tried... xx

[Debbie14217]

only you can... take a break from dating... soend time for yourself with family and friends... you need it and it will help... about 6 months abd enjiy the holidays with them till spring

[Paris13]

Thanks, Deb. xx

[tonamimargaux]

You want him paris! Go get him girl!!! All the best. :)

[Paris13]

Thanks, sweetheart. I did Go Back but got Suffocated and Backed Off Which is Why He say I LIE. lol!!! xx

[tonamimargaux]

Hmm then just stay away if it's affecting you and your mental health in a bad way.

[DiegoO]

No contact is best, but before that it would be good if you vent out with him all the things that went wrong in the relation.

[Paris13]

Back now on FB to message for now. xx

[Likes2drive]

Probably confused by emotions, LDRs are tough on anyone but you probably have cultural differences and other things that cause friction

[Paris13]

Just a Lot of Commitment on My End, Big Guy and other Things I Found Fault over. xx

[Likes2drive]

I’m learning it’s less stress not being in a relationship for awhile

[Paris13]

I can BREATH Again, Yes, Big Guy. xx

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry to hear that. Did you ever meet in person?

[Iron_Man]

How long did you know him?

[Paris13]

Thanks, Tiger. Three years and He was from gag. I was Going Over next Year. I still Can... But it was Like we Always Knew each other. You would Have to Be There... xx

[Iron_Man]

Just go see him soon it will probably make a big difference.

[Philyouup]

Bonds are hard to break. the clean sever seems to work best.

[Paris13]

NC mainly Now, Phily. xx