Am I a bad friend if I tell the truth?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who cheated on her husband and lied for years. They finally moved out of state but because she was so in love with the boyfriend, she moved back. She convinced her husband that she needed a break and makes it seem like they’re working on a long distance relationship. Her husband literally has no idea that she lives with another man. She trained her kids to lie for her and has her husband thinking she lives with me, which she doesn’t. She lives with the boyfriend.
Her husband came to town a few times to drop things off to her and he always questions why she’s never at my house, no matter what time it is.
she is so miserable with the boyfriend because he treats her so badly- which is probably her Karma. But because she is so deeply in love with him she doesn’t care.
I have started to distance myself from her because I can’t take her lies and the stress from her always venting about the pain the boyfriend causes her.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because whenever the husband comes to town, he will drop things off for them and he’ll ask me questions but I will literally keep it short and go back in the house. Even though I hate that my “friend” is making certain decisions that I don’t agree with, I don’t feel like it’s my place to tell on her.
I just feel like if I tell on her, I’m not a real friend.

Do I betray her and tell the husband or do I mind my business?

Updates

1 y

Just to give more explanation because a lot of responses are assuming that the husband is in the dark and knows nothing.
However, the husband been found out about her cheating. After she started to cheat is when they actually got married, specifically because he thought it will stop her. She was too far gone. When the boyfriend started to come to her house and make things worse. That’s when they moved out of state. Sadly she got pregnant and moved back to live with the boyfriend.

[Googlemyahoo]

I went out with my friends & his brother came for a visit. Wasn’t really a fan of the brother who thought he was better then everyone.

I was standing at the bar talking to a girl who approached me & the brother watched. Usually they always came up to me while my friends wandered around. They were on the dance floor doing their thing. They were doing the usual walking around socializing trying to pick up.

The brother watching them sneered & made this comment “It must suck having to go out with guys as ugly as that.” What surprised & disgusted me is how he spoke of his own brother & my friend. I told him to fuck off.

My friend saw us arguing & came over asking I said don’t worry about it. He kept bugging me about it for days I didn’t want to start anything & finally told him why I told his brother off.

Then nothing. No calls no return calls. I find out he asked his brother who lied claiming I MADE THE COMMENT. Lol. Trying to be loyal thats what happened. So i cut them off have never talked to them again.

[Asker]

And that’s what I thought would happened. I would tell the husband…. Because other people have told him things and in the end he took her side. On top of the fact, she is no longer friends with the people who told the husband.
As bad as I want the husband to get out of his misery and know the truth. Sometimes people are so hurt from betrayal they’ll believe the ones who are betraying them instead. I think I’m drained from the friendship so apart of me would rather just stop being friends but let her and her husband deal with this issue on their own. Thank you for commenting because I like that you didn’t just flat out say “you’re a bad person and horrible like her”. Instead you actually understand why it can be hard not to say anything.

[Price511]

Loyalty, to me, shouldn’t excuse wrongdoing. If you believe they have done something morally reprehensible, then say it. Plain and simple.

[Asker]

I agree!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Didn’t she bring you into their business by using you as a pawn in her lies? And betray the friendship? She already did that by expecting you to cover for her..

If it was me, I’d end the friendship and tell the husband what a lying, cheating POS he’s married to. What he does after that is on him… But then again, I would have never covered for someone like that in the first place… She’s not the only one lying to him, you are as well.. You can’t stop her negative behavior, but you can stop covering for her and stop your own part in deceiving a man who deserves the truth.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Okay, now I call Bullshit.. you whole flipping the script… from should you tell him to he already knows, yeah okay🙄

[Asker]

I have no reason to lie… I’m literally anonymous so what would make a difference? U don’t know me from a can of paint. Lol. So me flipping a script would be for what point? L I’m not flipping anything. If I first said EVERYTHING I would’ve been writing 4page essays. My question was not about he husband which is why I wants g trying to write the whole situation. it was about me and dealing with her behavior. I only updated it because of comments and I can tell they assumed the man was completely in the dark when he knew some things. So yeah, ok to that and move along.

[Guy13]

Stay out of their business

[bamesjond0069]

She's already in their business by telling the husband she lives with him. She could remove herself by saying "stop dropping stuff off here. I don't know why you think she lives here but she had never lived here, I hardly even see her anymore"

[Asker]

@bamesjond0069 I never actually told the husband she lives with me. She told me that’s what she said. Him and I are not friends. We are cordial because of her. When he stopped by to drop things off, she’ll call me to say he’s outside and I’ll come out grab the things and go back. He may ask where is his kids and I’ll say I’m not sure and that’s it.

[bamesjond0069]

Just say. Why you drop it off here? Why would your kids be here? I don't really know anything about what's going on. Go drop it off at her place.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

I don't give excuses to people and I'm very rough on this kind of situation so if you can't take real critique, don't read the rest of my comment.

In my eyes, you ALMOST as terrible as your friend. Normally, you shouldn't even keep been friends with this person, let alone actually help her lie to her husband but you did. No excuses, I don't give a fuck! So to answer your question, you are not a bad friend because you both been the terrible persons you are, you are supporting your friend and making your lives easier. Of course, you can always change and cut the ties with this person and tell the husband. I hope very few hopes but you never know...

[Asker]

I’m fine with your criticism. I actually appreciate it. Surprisingly this app is the only “people” who has told me to tell. Everyone in my life have said that it is not my place and instead to stop being friends because I would be betraying her.

[Asker]

I mean- “stop being friends with her instead of telling on her. Because regardless telling is betraying her.” This is the advice I have been given.

[Alwayreckles93]

Tell the truth he will be very angry and upset at you for covering for your friend. I mean he is going to find out anyway sooner or later. I feel sorry for your friend when people cheat it means the feel empty or something in their life is missing. I am sorry but your friend needs a hobby not a so mystery men. Tell her husband the truth. That way he stops suffering and you are able to sleep at night. I mean poor guy he is dropping he stuff over at your place. What is to r friend thinking this guys her husband loves her.

[tzdc21]

You as a real friend should hold her accountable for her bad actions. She had a good thing with this other guy and she screwed it up for an abuser. And now she's staying with this abusive guy. Real friends are not the ones who tell her whatever she wants to hear, eve if it's at her expense. The ones who REALLY care for you are the ones that will be willing to tell the uncomfortable truths that you need to hear so that it will help you in the future. Tell the truth. She needs to be held accountable for her actions, and MAYBE it'll teach her to reevaluate herself when it comes to picking a good guy and treating him properly.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Hold your friends accountable!

I would tell the friend, that if she doesn't tell the truth, then I would. Give her a deadline.

In my eyes, true friendship is holding each other accountable. Tell them when they're being a tool. And don't let them walk around without morals.

[jillybeanns]

Sounds like you’re just a pawn in her game of chess. She has zero regard for you and how you feel about being apart of her lie. If you have any sense of integrity you would remove yourself from the situation and block everyone’s number.
The fact that you’re knowingly apart of her lie makes you dishonest as well.

[stargazeraug1989]

Betray her? She's not only betrayed her husband and her kids and only God knows who else, but she's betrayed you by putting you in such a precarious position. She's robbed her husband of a healthy marriage. She's robbed her kids of a healthy family dynamic. She's robbed you of a normal healthy friendship that's free of guilt. This is all her doing. The husband is bound to be upset with you if he ever gets wind that you had some knowledge of this and didn't bother to tell him and he would have every right to be upset with you. Don't keep the man in the dark when your friend deserves to be exposed and you have the power to do it. She's been a terrible friend by expecting you and everyone else to cover up her nonsense. You should bring everything out into the light. It would not only free him, but it would free you too from her unnecessary, selfish BS.

[HighValue]

By helping her hide her cheating, you are being a bad person, regardless of what kind of friend you are. If in the future you end up with a guy that doesn't trust women, know that it is because of women like your friend, but also because of women like you that help conceal cheating and are helping her to betray her kid's father.

[Beop111]

Honestly, you are part of the problem. You need to come clean to the husband and even telling him how his own children have been lying to him as well. Provide definitive proof to him. You need to then cut off all contact with the family and do a lot of soul-searching as to why you lacked so much integrity to agree to such dishonesty in the first place.

[Asker]

I was very brief in my explanation up top because I wanted an answer about is it wrong for not telling… which I did receive my answer. However, to give more detail, the husband knew about the boyfriend.
Him and my friend was together for 8 years and she started messing with the “boyfriend”. Her husband at the time who was just her boyfriend found out and asked to marry her because he thought it would stop her from cheating. After they got married she was still lying. There was so much drama with the guy coming to their house they finally moved out of state. My “friend” lost a lot of friends because they told her husband but he took her side in the end. Now everyone knows I’m the only one who literally knows everything. But because I’ve seen how she lies and how he always take her side, I do feel like telling would be for what? However, I just don’t trust her and my friendship with her is changing because I continue to see how deep in her lies she has become.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Sure you're going to be a bad friend but only for her but it doesn't make you a bad person for friend to your other friends. Think of it as you suck at making friends with toxic people like your friend who cheat but that's not really a problem for you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

She don't deserve you tho.

[bamesjond0069]

Just tell the husband "stop dropping stuff off here. I don't know why you think she lives here but she had never lived here, I hardly even see her anymore, maybe one of her other friends would be more suitable to drop things off at, ask her who would be best"

[eagleboss09]

You're betraying the husband either you completely get out of the situation or tell the husband because I believe it this man discover that you were covering her cheater wife then that man probably will fight you and maybe if you tell him also will may not believe you if you feel guilty then give him clue. I suggest get out completely this man is innocent and you're breaking him down

[Anonymous]

Your "Friend" is a piece of shit and she's sick for making her children part of her fucked up games. I think you should kick her ass and tell on her.

Then get new friends for fuck sakes, she's a fucking snake.

[Asker]

I’m over all this which is why I’m using this platform to vent. The husband hated me for years because she had the boyfriends name saved as my name in her phone. He would blow her phone up all through the night. And when he husband would question who was calling- she would say me. She even told me that her husband thought I was gay because of it. It’s funny now as I think about it. But tbh, it’s actually really sad.

[Opinion Owner]

She's a narcissist by the book and her poor kids are gonna be so screwed up after all of this, not to mention her husband is gonna find out eventually and probably shoot himself.
She even has you feeling guilty and some kind of sick loyalty to her. She'd the kind of person who's a curse on others.

[Asker]

The sad part is I agree with everything you’re saying! The loyalty part, the kids part….. her youngest is 4 and he lies so well to the Dad. And as happy as can be he’ll ask the mom “did I do good”? After lying to the Dad. She thinks it’s funny but it’s actually very sad.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope that bitch gets hit by a bus for the benefit of everyone involved.

[Adaeva]

If her husband drops by, I would say, "She doesn't live here and I can't tell you where she is at. That is between you and her." And leave it at that without answering any questions.

[Adaeva]

I would tell her, "I'm not a tattle-tail, but I am not going to lie for you so don't ask me to lie.

[Daniela1982]

You can't fix stupid, so why try? She made her bed so let her sleep in it. Always tell the truth if you can. You keeping mum makes you complicit in the ruse.

[exitseven]

It is really true that the husband is always the last to know. I would figure out a way to clue this poor slob in so he can get on with his life.

[Asker]

He’s not the last to know. He doesn’t know she lives in town with her boyfriend but he knew that she cheated. That’s the reason why they moved out of state. I was very brief with my explanation because I wanted to know if it’s better to mind my business or tel her husband. There’s more to the story. I just didn’t write it all.

[aaron210419]

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it will always get you the right ones. -John Lennon

[A_Bell]

Never. But always use deplomacy and treat them with dignity.

[FunkyMonkee]

Must be!! That's what they're punishing Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Edward Snowden and so many others for!!