Warning: long post
My ex besties (let’s call them Ethan and Ashlynn) dumped me in early November because they said I don’t respect them, I yell every time they tell me the truth and they said I haven’t been honest with them. Ethan said I always complain about my problems and I don’t even bother to listen to their problems and I always make it about myself. Ashlynn said don’t asked them about how they are anymore and they’ve been hanging out without me.
Ashlynn said, “(my name) We have tried SUPER hard to be there for you! We’ve been there for you, though about your feelings and defending for you. We have been nothing but true friends to you!”
I said something unforgivable to them. I said, “What would you know about true friends? Nobody made you sign up for this friendship.” They looked at me shocked. Ashlynn yelled, “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE A TRUE FRIENDS IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU! TWELVE YEARS (my name)! Almost THIRTEEN fucking years (would have been this coming February) we’ve been there for you and this is the thanks we get?” She had tears in her eyes and her face was HOT.
Ethan said, Your problem is you NEVER listen to us and you just don’t care enough to do so! You pushed us away, lie to protect our feelings, make us look bad when we only told you the truth, and to put it bluntly, you’re a bad friend! Also the fact that you don’t know the real meaning of a friend or don’t know how to be one says IT ALL!”
I just looked shocked and teary eyes.
Ashlynn said, “You don’t want true friends and wanna be a miserable, lonely person for the rest of your life, SO BE IT! We can’t do this anymore.”
Then Ethan said, “We are so sick of feeling underappreciated and thrown under the bus! WE ARE DONE! FOR GOOD!” They bumped into me and left me. I cried. I couldn’t say anything.
A week later, I apologized so many times but they refused to accept it.
How can I get my ex best friends to reconcile our friendship?
Updates
4 mo
They’ve been my besties since I first started the middle school in second semester in 6th grade (February 2011). I’m trying so connect so we can celebrate 13 years.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
sorry but they are truly done. it's best to accept your mistakes, own it, and let them move on and let yourself move on. learn from this mistake and don't treat others like this again. it's all you can do
I am owning up. They just won’t listen! I apologize so many times, and they won’t answer their phone.
yes, you apologized which is a good step, but now it's time to move on
You can’t. You’ve caused so much damage over the years and you don’t even see it. You need to just leave them alone.
Look I know what I’ve done was wrong okay! I tried telling them that I was wrong but they told me, “No you’re not sorry! You’re only sorry and you’re apologizing because you got caught so you apparently don’t know what the true meaning of being genuine is! You are selfish and very egotistical.”
😳
I do care!
Just because you apologise, does not mean that they have to forgive you. You are not entitled to their friendship. The damage is done. Have some respect for them and back away.
They really let me down and they scared the shit outta me when they scream and cussed at me. I don’t blame them I was wrong but I didn’t mean to make them cry. Even my older siblings told me to back off and leave them alone. My brother said the Dana has been done and it’s all my fault. I took them for granted and they had every right to yell at me and I hurt them very bad. He bluntly said, “Sometimes when you pushed people too far you can’t get them back again! You’re too blind to realize what you had until it’s too late and YOU blew it. You don’t seem to see that and quite frankly, they’re right. You don’t know the first thing about being a true friend! You don’t know the TRUE meaning of a friend because you suck at at it. That’s the truth.”
Can’t believe my older brother said that too me.
He told you the truth. It’s up to you if you accept it or not, but he was honest with you. You’re not ready to gain their friendship back if you don’t understand what he said and admit your part in all of it.
I am ready!! My friends really hurt my feelings. My sister said, “They hurt YOUR feelings? See that say it all! YOU DON’T GIVE A DAMN. They hurt your feelings because they’re hurt about the damage you caused and you’re complaining that they hurt your feelings? They had every right to hurt your feelings and yell at you! You hurt theirs so bad and the ship has sailed! You pushed so many people away, the ones that care about you. You caused a lot a damage, you sugarcoat crap which doesn’t help and I hate to tell you this but you’re an adult so I will not sugarcoat it. You’re a bitch. That’s how they look at you.”
My sister has never called me a bitch before. 😳😳😭😭
Lol, you’re not ready.
That’s not funny! My sister called me a bitch and you’re laughing. I already feel bad enough as it is.
Ah man, that sucks losing your best friends like that. Here's what I would try:
Give them some space for now. Trying to apologize nonstop right away will probably just annoy them more.
In a few weeks, send them each a heartfelt letter. Take full responsibility for your actions without making excuses. Express how much they both mean to you and how sorry you are for hurting them. Include specific examples of things you could have done better.
Mention how you plan to be a better friend going forward - listen without interrupting, be supportive of their problems too, own up to mistakes etc. Say you're willing to work on the issues together if they'll give you another chance.
Tell them you understand if they still need more time, but this friendship is important to you and you'll wait as long as it takes to try to reconcile. Leave the ball in their court after that.
Maybe also suggest meeting up to talk in person eventually if they seem open to it from the letters. Be prepared to really hear them out without getting defensive. Show you're willing to do the work to fix things.
It may take time, but if you show genuine effort to change through actions not just words, they may come around. Just don't pressure them - let them see you're serious about being a better friend this time. Hope it works out!
Yeah I guess you’re right. I really am sorry but they won’t accept it. I won’t be spending new years with them because they want nothing to do with me.
Damn that sucks missing out on New Years with your friends. I know it probably feels crappy right now but don't lose hope. A few more thoughts:
- Give them even more time and space now through the holidays. Reach out again in a few weeks once 2024 starts. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know?
- Maybe ask another mutual friend to hang with you for New Years as a backup plan so you're not alone. Sometimes being around others helps take your mind off it too.
- Use this time to really reflect on what you can learn from this. Think of specific ways you'll show them you've grown if they're open to talking again.
- It's cool that you owned up to being sorry. Now don't just SAY it, but back it up with actions going forward if you get the chance to prove it to them.
- Keep focusing on you too. Your friends need to see you're doing well even without them for now. Shows you've matured.
Hang in there. Friend breakups suck but sometimes people just need space. Don't lose hope - maybe in a little they'll come around. And if not, you'll be a better friend to others going forward.