My ex and I had a rocky 3.5 year relationship, when things were good they were really good, and when things were bad they were really bad, although there was no cheating or abuse, nothing major. We first broke up more than 2.5 years into the relationship, then got back together, broke up again after 7 months, then got back together and broke up again 2 months ago. In these 2 months till yesterday we reconciled, were friends with benefits (though we were acting like when we were in a relationship), then we had a bad fight, had no contact for 3 weeks, and then we saw each other a week after, he came to my place and stayed for 4 days and we acted like nothing happened. Yesterday we said our goodbyes again after talking about our situation.
He's still head over heels for me, he loves me with all his heart. He says he wants to make things right, that he'll change and learn to communicate better, all the good stuff. He says he'd be the happiest man alive if we tried again, spent our lives together and had children.
He's a loving, caring man who tells me he loves me all the time. He's very special to me because he was my first everything. In a lot of aspects he's everything I need in a partner, but ofc he has bad qualities as well. I still love him but through these 3.5 years I built my guard up. I miss him terribly when we are apart, but the moment I see him in person and spend time with him, something's holding me back to fully open myself to him again. I get frustrated and impatient with him easily and I don't know why. But on the other hand I adore his touch, I feel loved and cared for around him. But still I get this suffocating, tense feeling when thinking about getting back together. Like something doesn't feel right. And I know deep down that we aren't healthy together, not compatible and have different goals in life, like having kids (he wants them and I don't), but I fear he's the best man I'll ever meet. I second guess myself and my feelings, I hate it.
He's still head over heels for me, he loves me with all his heart. He says he wants to make things right, that he'll change and learn to communicate better, all the good stuff. He says he'd be the happiest man alive if we tried again, spent our lives together and had children.
He's a loving, caring man who tells me he loves me all the time. He's very special to me because he was my first everything. In a lot of aspects he's everything I need in a partner, but ofc he has bad qualities as well. I still love him but through these 3.5 years I built my guard up. I miss him terribly when we are apart, but the moment I see him in person and spend time with him, something's holding me back to fully open myself to him again. I get frustrated and impatient with him easily and I don't know why. But on the other hand I adore his touch, I feel loved and cared for around him. But still I get this suffocating, tense feeling when thinking about getting back together. Like something doesn't feel right. And I know deep down that we aren't healthy together, not compatible and have different goals in life, like having kids (he wants them and I don't), but I fear he's the best man I'll ever meet. I second guess myself and my feelings, I hate it.
