Am I wrong if I leave?

[Anonymous]

So my wife and I have been together for 9 years. Around 6 years ago she got pregnant. After her first trimester sex stopped and never really picked back up. Before we'd sleep together between 5 to 10 times a week. Now we haven't had sex 10 time the last 4 years. 3 years ago she told me I could sleep with other women because she understanda that it's unreasonable for me to just never have sex because she doesn't want to. After that all forms of intimacy stopped. We sleep in different rooms. We only touch when I touch her or when others are around. She's affectionate in public wich infuriates me because she won't even hug me if it's just us. Recently she's been been talking about having more kids we always talked about having 2 or 3 kids in the past. I'm uncomfortable bringing more children into a sex less marriage. I'm starting to think that it's time for us to call it quits. I'm of the opinion she won't leave because she doesn't want to lessen her standard of living she likes the status of being my wife and doesn't want the shame of being a divorced single mother. I mean she swears it's not a me thing it's that she just has no sexual desire so where could she find another man who'll she doesn't have to sleep with. I think I'd be much better off just single. But as a married man I'm conflicted on what to do.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think she is avoiding sex because she does not want to get pregnant again, it’s not the sex that she hates, but the pregnancy and the labour pains, and the baby surveillance where you can’t sleep properly for several months or years because of the baby.

[Asker]

No she said she's ready to have our next kid and took out her implant. For the first 3 years she had a nextplanon. It was implanted before she was discharged.

[Anonymous]

I think your not wrong but in my opinion I think you guys should talk about it. Speak to a doctor and try counselling. It is also normal for women to have a low Libido after having a child. This could be the reason to the non existent sexual desire. Your wife may be suffering from a mental illness. I noticed you commented that your wife has nexplanon inserted. Birth control can also cause a low libido. I would speak to her, let her explain exactly why she feels like she has no interest in sex. Be patient. I wish you the best of luck in your marriage

[tenor55]

I don’t think you are wrong to leave. You aren’t really husband and wife now. However, have you tried counseling? There are also several books like, “The Sex Starved Marriage,” or books by the Berman sisters that you can read together. Has she mentioned this to her doctor? Do a search on the net and I think you will find that what she is experiencing is not all that uncommon.


I believe marriage is a partnership. If she is unwilling to see if she if there is something she can do to help her libido, there is not much you can do.

[Asker]

We haven't tried everything but yes counciling books romantic getaways dates nights toys. Anything I could think of or pay for in reason. We're middle class not rich.

[SnowedIn]

I think yes you're wrong to leave. You said that she said if you wanted sex you could find a woman. She's given you a solution.

But, yes, it's wrong to leave your wife and, for all intents and purposes, abandon your child. Divorce suck and growing up with divorced parents sucks.

This isn't about sex -- again, she's given you a solution for that. From what you write and the way you write it, you don't like the way things are so you want out. That's not how parenthood and marriage work.

[JoyGirl]

Have you talked to her about it?

[Asker]

I've talked about us separating in the past. Not in the last couple months. But I brought it up every time I noticed things getting worse like sex stopping sleeping in different rooms etc.

[JoyGirl]

No.
I mean have you talked to her WHY you are not sleeping together. 🧍🏾‍♀️

[Asker]

Yes she said after she gave birth she had no sexual desires. At first she thought if she just went through with it then she'd get back into it but that never happened.

[JoyGirl]

That actually happens after pregnancy for some women. Now, if it has been awhile she needs to talk to a professional.
Marriage is hard. Having children is hard. You have to be strong enough to handle what ever is thrown your way.

This means that both parties have to put in effort to fix things that seems broken.

[JoyGirl]

Considering marriage counseling as well.