Too late to give ex boyfriend space?

[Anonymous]

Long story short me an my ex were together almost a year. He broke up with me a month ago. He said we could be friends and still talk and stuff if I wanted but our relationship was over. In the first month I contacted him via texting a few times regarding things about our relationship/break up. He answered me every time but was distant and said he did not want to talk about things. I missed him so much and just wanted to fix thing between us. However, the last time was talked things went down hill and he told me I needed to put this all behind me because it's"irritating" him. I told him I was sorry and I just missed him but would leave him alone. I have not contacted him since then (even thought I have wanted to) and am determined not to have any interaction with him for at least 5-6 week but I feel like I won't make it any longer than that before I break down. Would it be okay to send him a brief message in a month or so asking if we could try to be friends/just get back on good terms? Will the month or more of space help with his reaction?

[Anonymous]

i'm in the same boat as yourself, dumped 5 wks ago after 1.5yrs together. it was out of the blue and he used any excuse he could find to get out because he's not ready to commit even though it was him who brought up proposing, kids etc...he scared himself and realized he wasn't ready for what we were working towards. well the first 3 weeks I basically bombarded him with messages to try sort it out, get in his head and make him hurt as much as I was...which only led to us arguing and him telling me to move forward. he said he didn't want anyone else, yet joined a dating site within a couple weeks. so for a week I held out contact only to find out via a mutual friend he was out on the pull a few nights ago which reignited my anger after he told me it wasn't about other girls. well last night I texted to say hi and ended up talking for a little while and he admitted he'd been on a few dates since and isn't ready to get back out there yet - but keeping options open as he's still online dating until he feels ready for anything further. now this is a guy who said he wanted time to focus on his career, friends, and self because he only gets 2 wkdays off each week to socialise so doesn't have time for a full time serious relationship, yet his trying to not deal with the emotions he's feeling because he still told me he loves me loads up until the other week. so to move forward he thought "get over your ex by getting under you next" would most probably work for him like it used to do with his short term ex's he's had. last night was first time since the split that its not ended in an argument, believe it or not we never argued while we were together so I guess that's why I felt even worse that we ended things on such a bad note. I know that he's not ready for commitment so wasting my time with him in that sense but he was my best friend and would hope that one day we could be in contact to support each other like we have been as both opened up to each other more then anyone before.

definitly give your guy space...i should have taken all the advice friends gave and backed off because he might have missed me sooner and not had all this negativity for the last few wks between us. if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will...but you can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. I know it hurts but for your own benefit push it behind you, get yourself sorted and show him what he's missing. other girls aren't going to compare to you yet...they'll make him realize what he had and gave up.

the thought of starting out in the dating scene is scary and I joined a dating site for about 2 wks and since deleted it, I'm not ready...i was single before and quite happy that way...i don't need someone else to make me feel whole or happy it was just a bonus and someone to share it with. guys get desparate to fill the void you leaving makes and can't handle the emotions attached to it so that transfer them to someone else and end up rebounding. BE STRONG!

[ToughTimes3042]

Omg, this is like the same thing, except, i was engaged. my ex messed up, i left him, he said im the only one he wants and that he wants to fix himself, and now i find him on dating sites!

[Anonymous]

i don't think it is too late to give him space now. he wants it so give it to him and do not contact him until he contacts you... and I'm sure he will. that is just my suggestion.

[Asker]

yeah him contacting me first would be the best scenario but I honestly feel like he wont. He deleted me off Facebook and stuff after our last conversation because he was pissed. So everything feels very final, I just don't want things to end on such a bad note. Thanks though and I will try and stick it out for as long as I can.

[middleofglitter]

Best of luck to you. I am going through the same thing and hope it works out for the best for you.

[Iamnobody]

no, don't. from what I've learnt personally and painfully, is that when someone wants you to back off, you back off. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh but remember every cloud a silver lining. let me share with you my story that might give you hope.

i was exactly like you once. my ex and I officially ended things early 2009. I was devastated and I didn't want to lose her, so I kept trying to push my way in and be a "friend". she accepted and I was happy until I realized this "friendship" was one sided. she met someone else and obviously he became the center of her universe. she couldn't give a sh*t about me to be honest. and here I was hurting as I still loved the girl and the "friendship" rouse was going nowhere. because no matter what you say, if you still love a person, the heart expects more than just friendship. anything less is self-torture. but yet I persisted and persisted until one day she got so annoyed that she just came right out and said that our friendship was superficial; we were never friends and I should leave her alone from then onwards. so I did. we had a terrible falling out after that day and I thought this was it, she's really gone.

a year later and we bump into each other again, through a mutual friend. I asked the friend for her number and decided to apologize for whatever happened the past year. she was actually GLAD to hear from me, can you believe that? in fact, after that her feelings for me came back and in the end I became the "one who got away" for her. I still love the girl and always will but she has a good thing going for her now and someday I will have mine too; maybe with her or maybe not. only God knows. I'm sorry this was like an essay but I hope it gives you some hope and strength to let go of this guy, for now.