Is it best to stay single if you're broken inside and you know you'll never heal?

[Anonymous]

I'm so broken inside. I know I can't be helped. I have learned to hide my pain well and no one knows how broken I am.

Is it best to accept I'll be single all my life. Because I don't think it's fair for a guy to be with me when I can't be healed

[zeitgeist057]

Everyone is broken in some way. All humans have flaws. I don't know about your specific issues and how bad they are, but I would say if you aren't a danger to yourself or others (5150), then you are not really too much more or less qualified than others to be in a relationship.

I often say or think to myself that over 90% of people in relationships aren't ready for relationships. But also, being in relationships is kind of the best way to practice being in relationships. Making mistakes, learning, trying again. Failure is the best teacher. So for that, I would say don't give up. If you "can't be healed", then maybe don't worry about being healed, don't try for that, try for some other goal that is achievable. Maybe you can help other people? Or make someone else's life better in some way?

[Asker]

That's a total different perspective from others. It makes so much sense. I've never looked at it this way. Thank you very much

[burlen]

It's understandable to feel broken and hopeless, but remember that healing is a process that takes time and effort. It's never too late to start working on healing and improving your mental health.

While focusing on your own healing, it's also okay to consider the possibility of being in a relationship in the future. It's important to communicate with potential partners about your struggles and work together to support each other.

You don't have to go through this alone, and seeking professional help or support from loved ones can be a good step towards healing. Remember, healing is possible and you deserve happiness and love.

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight and understanding. I appreciate it

I guess I just don't know where to start with the healing process. I have friends, but they have their own lives. They never really have time. I think that's part of my struggle. I have no one to confide in in real life and spend time with

[EmyyWolf]

I greatly suggest Facebook groups. I know it’s online and it’s kinda cringe and kinda corny.
But there’s Facebook groups that if you look them up, you’ll find people in your situation that’ll help you talk it out. 🥺

Also keep a diary or journal. With lock and key. Or a dream book. I personally keep both. And if I need to remember something I wrote or something I went through I go back to those.

The truth is that trauma and baggage are never gonna leave you. You’re gonna have to live with those scars for the rest of your life. You will recall memories and you’ll cry your little eyes out. Like if it’s happening over and over.
Those days will show up here and there.

But those scars, that pain, that trauma are what makes you “YOU” today. Those aren’t just lessons, they’re there to warn you of future situations of that kind. You had to suffer what you did. We all had to suffered what we suffered.

And this way, you can warn others of your experiences. You’ll always be ready. You’ll know if someone is giving you all the RED FLAGS because you know now.

You’re not that weak gullible little girl that fell on traps anymore.

Go to places that make you happy. The mall the park, jam to rock or whatever you like daily. Don’t listening to Romantic Sad music knowing how it’ll make you feel.
Try to have more fun. Work out, workout is a cure for sadness and loneliness. Go out to the sun. Sunlight is a cure for all depression.
Outside, Park and Gym.
Those are your doctors, that is your cure.

Don’t stop trying to find the man for you. Because he’s also looking for you. 👈 know that.
And if you can’t seem to fight on your own, do seek therapy, because you’re only hurting yourself.

[Asker]

@EmyyWolf thank you so very much. It's kind of you to take the time be so helpful. I really appreciate your sincere help
I will definitely do what you have suggested. Thank you again

[EmyyWolf]

And stress teas help a lot too. Mint teas. Lavender Teas.

This one is my go to. Try to stay away from caffeine and smoking anything because it’ll make everything worse.
Everything herbal and natural.
Try cold showers cause they give you energy and make your skin healthier. The thrill you can get from cold showers also is very distracting and can help you look forward towards the future.

[Asker]

@EmyyWolf thank you so much ❤I really appreciate your help and advice

[OlderAndWiser]

I assume you are referring to a broken heart and not an incurable medical condition.

Healing is a choice. If you don't want to heal, I won't try to take your pain away from you. If you want to heal. . . there are SO many people willing to help. Perhaps you feel that you are somewhat different from every other person on this planet. Well, guess what. . . almost every other person on this planet has the same exact feeling. "Never forget that you're absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

Most of us have had heartbreak and felt that we would never be the same. And we were right. You can' have an experience like that and remain unchanged. But you can recover from your grief, you can learn some lessons, you can let go of the pain, and you can move forward with your life.

So. . . this is your CHOICE and if you are looking for sympathy. . . look elsewhere. But if you are looking for assistance with recovering, this forum has some great caring people. And we are here IF and when you want us.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Haha456]

healing is not a choice. its pretty obvious you've never suffered in life if you are going to say something like that

[Haha456]

trauma is not something you just "get over". there is actually a whole science about the brain and psychology. its not like a fever where you can just take some tylenol tablets and wake up healthy again.

[midnightmoon05]

We have all been broken in someway or another. We can decide if we want to heal or live in misery. When I was so broken, I thought of things that I can now look back…how in the world did I get here when the clouds were raining on me daily for over a yr…I could have let the cloud cover me up…but I stood up one day. And told my self for the sake of my kids. I have to be a mom even when my family is broken apart and I had no money. I had support like Mr. older and wiser and other friends and families who I reached out to and they were there for me.
It’s never easy, but as long as we don’t give up and set obtainable goals, we can lift up our heads again.
We have the power, the well power to do it when we decide to.
Ha…Even Mr. older and wiser didn’t think my relationship would work when I told him how bad it was…no one did. He is still shock to see that I am happily married to my gag boyfriend. now husband.
Time, love, patience, self resilience etc all play a roll in growth and maturity.

[Haha456]

@midnightmoon05

not all pain is the same in severity, frequency or length. You can't say that just because everyone suffers pain in life then it must mean that everyone should be able to get over it. there are tons of military veterans suffering from ptsd that haven't healed. Just because you have healed , it really doesn't mean all these soldiers can also heal as easily as you. It really depends on what the person has gone through. How bad it was.

[midnightmoon05]

Clarification- This is referring to a broken heart.

[Haha456]

@midnightmoon05

depends on how it was broken. or how many times she had her heart broken. what was her past of suffering? someone who had her heart broken 10 times would be in a different mental state compared to someone who had their heart broken 1 time in life. was this person bullied as a kid? suffering is cumulative and it affects the person as a whole.

[midnightmoon05]

No it was not easy. It was not easy when the one you felt in love, married, build a family with 2 little kids. He took out a woman on a fancy date of $300. When your world crumbles at that moment. He comes home… he tells his mom…his mom told him to take the kids. Then takes me to divorce court…youthink there is no hope in life…you think it’s easy to grow up having a father come home robbed his hard earned money ( I shared this with you on another threat) It’s not!! So get over it. Life is not easy.
However, we can decide if we drown ourselves in sorry or lift ourselves up to heal for a better tomorrow for ourself and our own children. Then we can help our veterans.
In refused to let this world make me a victim of poor little single mom! I raised above just like I did when I had no shoes to wear! And no food to eat I had to find scrape metals to sell to buy food from street vendors.
I had to over come the “depression” they categorized me in and telling me I need to take meds. I refused to stay down or take meds for my “depression”

So yes, we have the power to make decisions!

[Bethany22]

Your future boyfriend is an adult who is capable of taking responsibility for who he dates. Perhaps if you wind up going out with a well-adjusted guy, he will have a positive influence on you. And if he is well-adjusted like that, he probably won't take your situation personally, and just continue to be an emblem of stability in your life.

[Guy13]

Go deal with your brokenness in counseling. There are tons of free agencies and churches. Then involve a man in your life.

[MaazHussain]

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling broken inside. It's important to remember that everyone goes through difficult times and struggles with their emotions at some point. It's okay to feel this way, and it's important to reach out for help and support.

You don't have to accept that you'll be single for the rest of your life. It's important to focus on your own healing and self-care first. When you're ready, you can start to explore relationships and find someone who will accept you for who you are, including any emotional struggles you may have. Remember, no one is perfect and everyone has their own challenges.

It's also important to seek out professional help if you feel you need it. Therapy or counseling can be a great resource to help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies. You can also reach out to friends and family for support.

You are not alone, and there is always hope for healing and happiness. Take things one day at a time, and remember that there are people and resources available to help you through this difficult time.

[Asker]

Thank you very much. . Your kind words are very encouraging

[lightbulb27]

I'm on the edge which way to go on this question, because in essence, you want a relationship, but you don't want to drag in and hurt someone else... which is very considerate of you. In other words, you have a lot of empathy and care, possibly some low self worth, and are a hurt child inside. There's a lot of hope for you, should you be willing to accept it.

The thing is, we are ALL broken inside, that is the correct perspective. Thinking other people are perfect and healthy is the flaw. The only question is in what way and how is it impacting you. If you'd like a list of all the broken people I've met, some of the ways they are broken, including people out here and myself, just let me know. Or go to church and ask people...

Here's the thing, relationships challenge us emotionally since we are trying to connect with other beings... communications, understanding, intimacy, love... and lots of other emotions. That, is exercising stuff that is "messed up". In those challenges, we have opportunities to discover, heal and grow old hurts, because they can get churned up in the course of daily life. It is not easy, it is hard sometimes and you'll want to escape the pain. The pain is a communicator to change, that's all. If you decide to hide, then you are denying someone else the opportunity to grow in life, and as well, yourself. You are denying both of you the opportunity to new adventures you may not even imagine now.

If you know you are messed up, then you should make effort to get past your hurts. I had to do that, and it's a process, sometimes a long one with slips and starts.

Anything else, is simply living in the past... which is done. That's the problem of forgiveness and letting go, it's the past. In this, you learn and grow.

There's new perspectives you can take to help move a step at a time. I found one not long ago if interested, I'll look it up.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This I'd very helpful

[Asker]

Is**

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry this happened to you! 😢 It hurts me to hear you are hurting. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to. You won't be single for the rest of your life, but you'll be single for now until you feel ready to date again. Don't worry you will find someone.

Stay single until you are ready. It sounds like the breakup just happened and you need to allow yourself sometime to heal.

There are a lot of dating coaches on YouTube that give excellent advice on how to heal from your pain from a breakup. For me personally, I write in a journal when I want to release the emotions that are bottled up inside of me and I try to have some me time, do things that I enjoy.

Everything you feel is 100% ok and normal. You have every right to feel the way you do. Don't take it lightly and don't feel bad for feeling bad, pun intended lol.

But don't take it out on anyone, even on people who are unsuspecting and not involved in your pain. Not that I'm assuming you are that kind of person but it's easy to accidently let things out on others even when you don't mean to.

Stay clear of people if you know you will be in a bad mood and pray. I don't know if you are religious but praying helps a lot if you trust in God and let him help you. Lean on him and give him everything that you feel. I hope I helped some way and if you want to vent or ask for anymore advice just ask! :)

[Asker]

Thank you so much. You have helpied. I've cried nonstop for two days. I have no one to confide in , so I think sometimes I just feel overwhelmed holding everything in and keeping it to myself. At times I need to just cry because I spend all day at work pretending I'm happy and not suffering inside.

[Opinion Owner]

It's ok to cry! It's normal and healthy. It releases stress and dopamine. Allow yourself to cry whenever you can. You can never cry too much. Make sure to hydrate yourself though. How are you eating? Try to be on top of your health by staying on top of eating and drinking. It may not feel important or the greatest concern right now but it'll help you feel better. Never hold anything inside. Let it out, let it all out. You need to let yourself feel it but also to breathe. Cry whenever you want, scream if you want, punch something if you want (like your pillow or bed, or if you have a punching bag). Let yourself let it out, it's super important for your mental health that you do. Trust me the more often you let your emotions, your frustrations, and your pain out, you will heal way faster. The fester emotions won't feel like they are eating you alive anymore.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is ever completely “normal”. Some are definitely worse than others. However you should stay single if you need improve the following:

• You are financially dependent on others.
• You have a severe addiction that impacts your daily activities (different story if you are recovers addict)
• You have a recent psychiatric history where your actions have directly harmed others and/or yourself.
• You have a terminal illness. This is rare but I imagine someone going through this could probably still date (if they are functional) and be honest up front about what’s going on. Some people could make a very good supportive friend and even a romantic partner (as long they know what’s up) at the end of the line.

Now there is a lot of gray area about other issues. For example I’m a recovering compulsive gambler. However I’ve been clean for a long time now and I never stole from anybody when I was in throes of my addiction.

I know this won’t be a problem moving forward. I will bring it up if I start to get serious with someone but not something I would blurt out on a first date.

[SueShe]

Unless you have a medical condition such as a pancreatic cancer where you know that currently there is no cure for it, you can always heal.

A broken heart is one of those conditions that can be healed. It is just a matter of willpower. Right now, you have the feeling that you cannot be healed and you are setting your entire life around that idea. There are numerous ways to help yourself but if you don't want to be healed, then nothing will help you.

If you think that someone broke your heart, then it is perhaps better to remain single for a while. I mean, you are still young and you don't know what will happen in 10 or 20 years from now.

Don't give up on something like a broken heart because if you do, you will also give up on a much more serious medical issue. Good luck.

[Haha456]

hun, I feel kinda of the same way as you.

I have been deeply hurt by the only people i ever in my life. I have been hurt so badly for so many times that i now currently avoid getting emotionally intimate with others, avoiding dating as much as possible. Many people have criticized my way of thinking.

You may think that you're missing out on a lot by not dating. But you're actually doing yourself a favor. With love, there will always be a risk of heartbreak. If you cannot imagine having your heart broken for one last time or if you know you won't be able to survive it, do not date. A life of peace and mediocrity is better than highs then severe lows or constantly worried about when your depression will tear your life down again. Its better to be safe than sorry.

[BCRanger10]

Broken by what or whom, if I may ask? What makes you so certain that you can't be helped and why?

All of us have pain, hurt, and brokenness to one degree or another. What matters is that someone first has the desire for healing and restoration and then acts on it. Some people have more work to do than others, but sometimes they get to a point where they would greatly benefit from that deeper and more intimate connection with someone.

True, you can't dump all your baggage on a man you're dating. Neither can you throw your whole heart, mind, soul, and yes, body at any man who comes your way (as a Catholic, I am an advocate of waiting until marriage for sex anyway). But once you get started on the right path, dating and pursuing marriage and family with a man could possibly be a source of healing for you.

[Alessa13]

Depends what kind of broken you are, some things like being sexual assaulted or rape there is no fixing that. It does not help that there are men who will even say that to our faces that we are damaged goods and unworthy of them because someone else made us a victim.

Seeing shrinks might help but there is no way to be whole again.

If it is a broken heart from a lost love, your fine to date again. In fact dating may help heal that and move past it.

You should be able to be healed some but like a glass dropped on the floor and glued back together you will still have scars and you might cut someone from a piece that is slightly out of place.

Even so, you can be functional in a relatonship and they can understand help you or be jerk and not. They also have a say in it, and if they want to be part of your life or not.

[Pegases]

You may think no one knows how broken you are, but the reality is that most people with experience probably already do, and simply aren't judging you for it. I know plenty of women that are still navigating through trauma. So many that I know what the signs are. Typically, it all starts from your childhood, and continues in people that lack the self awareness to change their habitual behavior's that lead them to the same outcomes in life. No one is actually past redemption, contrary to your belief. To answer your question, yes stay single, because hurt people hurt people. In the mean time, seek therapy.

[top-J]

dawg you got the house? you got the family? you got the food? you got the water? can you clean yourself? if all yes why would ya feelin' bad eh? you can't control other people's bitchass minds actions and opinions you can control yourself also you deserve shit in life you gotta work for it my fella. you wanna achieve something in life go do it you got everything. Cmon man don't be broke just go do 'em you don't need to be traumatized past is there to take lessons, future is there for you to determine moment is here to shape it. you can do anything with given enough time... You wanna change shit in life look at the mirror and you will see who is able to change it.

[top-J]

Staying single is your own choice my fella. You can get into relationship if you want but don't tolerate other people bitching and bullshitting

[TheMystic]

Puuhhh, just reading this hit me hard. I myself have been hurt twice on a level that almost killed me in both cases. I'm still healing from that shit. You can heal from that shit but you must face those wound and then resolve them on step at a time. This healing process takes at least 2 years, probably rather 3 years, it depends on how deeply and how often and how long you have been hurt and how you got hurt and it depends on many other factors. You can be healed, you just must believe that it's possible.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by broken? If you're referring to a broken heart, that will over time and a new guy who you fall kn love with will heal it even sooner.

I'm broken in that I lost the love of my life to suicide. That's a pain far worse than if she just broke up with me, and I still believe I'll be able to move forward with my life and find love again.
That's because I've chosen not to let her death destroy me. It's all a matter of choice.

[Asker]

I'm so very sorry

[mark000h]

Of course you can heal and recover. It's a matter of wanting to and putting in the effort. You as a young woman already begin at an advantage in dating. Getting to know someone takes time. Work on yourself, being happy with yourself before you try with someone.

[JSmuve]

A question that it as old as time.

You just need to find an equally broken person to live out your fantasy broken relationship with. Remember, we're all broken and just trying to find someone who's broken pieces fit our broken pieces. But no one stops to consider that the only person who's pieces fit ours is us. So... yes? I don't know why someone would want a broken person. I mean, would you want a broken guy and deal with all of his trauma and baggage? I doubt you'd wanna be his emotional punching bag.

[Finchie40]

No because you will heal it just takes time , I get that way as well from time to time thinking maybe it’s best to stay single because I had my heart shit on by selfish people , eventually you will meet someone that isn’t selfish and wants to stand by your side

[Elozaa]

lt is the best way staying single to protect yourself from another hurt in that situation. ln this way we would get hurt more. lf we stay single until we are okay totally we wouldn' t let our wound get deeper. To me there is noone to heal us but us.

[kinggeorge007]

No one is broken forever. It's a myth. You can heal and people can heal you too.

There are two ways of healing.

• Creating a solution to what broke you
• Replacing it with something else

Either way things change with time and experience. Things never stay the same. Just chill with people and you'll find people who can connect with you.