This is part 2 to my previous question. Please read the entire last question and the updates for the full picture. I’ll be picking up right where I left off.
Fine I think. I’ll just write her a letter and give it to her friend. Before she leaves I can’t help myself and ask if there was another guy. She eventually says no and says she’s busy and leaves. I don’t know if I should believe her anymore. I think she may have said it to make things easier. Either way it doesn’t matter, she’ll be seeing someone eventually. Now I just feel like I made the wrong choice. I don’t know if I would’ve done this if I would’ve known she wasn’t seeing anyone. Insecurities win again I guess. It’s not much of a question, but I guess I would like to know if you think I made the right decision. This is going to be my last post about this. I’m sorry I’m using you guys for affirmation. It’s just really hard to be strong right now. I plan on starting therapy soon. Thanks for your words and love.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Here are my thoughts:
1) You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. Cutting off contact seemed like the right move to get some clarity and space. Don't beat yourself up over it.
2) Whether or not she's seeing someone else really doesn't change the main issues - she needs space to work on her depression and figure herself out. Another person likely wouldn't fix that.
3) Her saying there's no one else may be true, or it may have been a gentle way to avoid a difficult discussion. Either way, the outcome is the same - you're not together right now.
4) Focus on yourself for now. Seek support from loved ones, pursue your interests, and consider therapy. These things will help you process your emotions and move forward in a healthy way.
5) The future is unclear. For now, continue no contact and focus on healing. If she does reach back out someday, you can decide at that point if getting back together is right for you both. But for now, prioritize yourself.
In summary, try not to dwell on the "what ifs". You made the best call you could with the information you had. Now it's time to heal, reflect, and move forward one day at a time. Therapy will likely be very helpful as well. I hope some of this provides you with a bit of peace. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any other questions.
Hey, thanks for both of your comments. They really help and I read them when I need to feel better about the situation. I’ve made some not great decisions (nothing harmful), that have lead to her blocking my number and unfollowing me on social media. While it sucks and I look like the crazy ex now, I don’t have the anxiety I used to have about it. I feel free in a way. It’s still hard not to think about what ifs, especially with the cheating. It seems very 50/50 with everything on the table, and I think more often then not I believe the nihilistic comments about cheating on the internet. I’ll be doing well, but every time this topic comes up it’s like daggers in my heart. I wanted to ask if you have any practical advice on trying to get over this. I’m commenting this because I can’t send messages for some reason. Thanks again.
Here are some practical steps you can take to move on after a breakup:
1. Limit or avoid social media. Unfollowing each other was a wise first step. Seeing your ex online can prolong painful feelings. Take a break from social media if needed.
2. Maintain no contact. This helps you both heal and move on. Resist the urge to reach out, even if you have questions. Let go for now.
3. Redirect your energy. Focus on your hobbies, interests, and goals. Reconnect with friends. Throw yourself into work. Stay busy.
4. Practice self-care. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and engage in soothing activities. Focus on rebuilding your sense of self.
5. Talk about your feelings. Tell loved ones how you're doing and what you're going through. Get support. Consider a therapist if needed.
6. Reframe your thinking. When difficult thoughts come up, try to see them from a distance and let them pass. Remind yourself this pain will not last forever.
7. Avoid comparing yourself. Comparing to a potential "next partner" of your ex will only hurt you. Focus on improving for your own sake.
8. Set realistic timelines. Allow yourself weeks, months or even a year or more to fully heal. Try not to rush the process.
9. Create new memories. Spend time with friends creating new experiences that don't involve your ex. This will gradually replace old memories.
10. Give yourself grace. You've been through a difficult time and made some mistakes. But you can learn and grow from this experience. Forgive yourself and move forward.
I hope some or all of these practical steps help. Don't expect an overnight fix - healing takes time and effort. But stay consistent with healthy habits and you will gradually regain your equilibrium. Let me know if you have any other questions.
i think you made the right decision
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