My former girlfriend of over 8 months broke up with me about a week ago. She suffers from anxiety, and has a past of depression. After we started summer break she became depressed. My guess is she was missing her friends since they are not around over the summer. She talked about feeling frequently tired, being in a "weird mental state" despite her life being "very good". The said she wasn't doing well mentally and it was making her easily stressed and sad which was affecting her sex drive. She started to feel like she was failing to please me as a partner and like she couldn't make me happy. I tried to reassure her but I also know I could have done better had I understood what was going on. I suspect feeling like she was a bad partner made her more upset and she broke up with me.
She said there I didn't do anything. I had been such a nice boyfriend. We had lots of fun and good memories. But she had been feeling unhappy and didn't know why, and it wasn't fair to be together while she was feeling that way. She said that I couldn't help her because it wasn't about me or us, it was something else that she had to be alone.
She reached out to me to with me a happy 4th and to ask how I was, along with asking if I wanted somethings back. She doesn't have any negative feelings towards me, still cares about me, still probably likes me, and so overall the breakup does not seem that bad. There was no fighting, arguing, name calling, begging, mistrust, loss of respect.
With that all in mind, we were extremely compatible, had good communication, friends and family liked us respectively, and overall our relationship was really good. I want to take some time for myself and give space, but it seems like this could be resolved by meeting and discussing everything. I don't want to rush anything but I also don't want to wait to long and make it feel like digging up the past.
Thoughts? Anyone got back with a partner who pushed you away due to mental health?
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Hmmm I totally understand you love her however this dynamic shows a lot of signs of incompatibility. While yes mental health is a serious issue , you shouldn’t have to deal with someone’s mental issues at your expense. It’s probably your first time breaking up with her because of this, but is she going to keep using her mental health as a reason to not provide for you what you deserve in a relationship? Ask yourself have you ever used your mental health as an excuse to love her less or would you ever? I think once you answer those for yourself, you will have a better idea of mental health is really an excuse to give less in a relationship
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I was aware of her anxiety and we were able to communicate well, and problem solve whenever there was an issue. I don't think she realized she had become depressed, nor did I until after we broke up and I started to think and look back. I think she perceived that she was continually making me unhappy, and I would be better off with someone else. Additionally, it was probably hard for her to feel like she was constantly making me unhappy, or feeling like her best wasn't enough. I didn't realize how much this weighed on her, and I could have done a better job of reassuring her. Additionally, now that I am more mindful of her depression I would be able to better support her.
She never failed me as a partner, and I was more than happy with her. She didn't believe it, but I didn't have any issues with her. She always gave her best, and never made excuses, she just felt like her best wasn't enough even though it was.
@asker I would give this time. Sit on your feelings and really evaluate if this is worth it to continue. From her points to me, it seems like whether she wants to work it out with you or not is up in the air but I do believe in my perspective mental health issues typically do not stop people from loving people they do want to love.
I don't think she stopped loving me. I think she felt her love wasn't enough (when it was), and so she wanted to let me go. I'm sure it hurts feeling like you are holding your partner back or making them unhappy due to your mental health.