Me and my ex had to break up because of distance...5 years later, is it really over?

[anon9191]

Hi there,

My ex and I dated all throughout high school, We were together since we were 15, we were each other's first love, helped each other through everything, and had a really deep relationship; it felt like a soulmate connection.

Unfortunately due to uncontrollable circumstances, just after finishing high school, we had to break up because we both had to move to different countries. We agreed to do this mutually as we don't know if we would ever live in the same country again (we are both from different countries but met in high school).

Since then, I've tried to let go of the uncontrollable, distract myself, move on in life, go to uni, build a life for myself & start a career etc.. I've tried dating other people, but in my head, nothing still compares to what we had.

5 years later...

I'm in a happy relationship, and he is too (we still have each other on socials).. I've been really happy with my current boyfriend, but recently my ex has popped back into my head and I can't stop thinking of him and if we have unfinished business...

I'm not sure if this comes down to my ex recently securing a full-time job, even though it's on the other side of the world, but this has sparked a small glimmer of hope in my heart that we could potentially make something work, as we're now both adults with the ability to make things work if we wanted to. *I work full time too, so we could both have the means to make this work*

Here's the real question... Should I try and fight my thoughts and forget about him, and let us both continue life with our new partners or should I reach out to see if the feeling is mutual?

For context, he still views every one of my stories, which I'm taking as a sign he's still not fully moved on too, because he is still keeping tabs on me.

What do you guys think? Should I reach out or leave it be?

I don't think I could move forward with my current boyfriend without knowing if me and my ex have any hope of ever getting back together again.

[Finchie40]

I have a very similar experience like you do with my first love , we broke up mutually. because we were going to be long distance from each other Her and I did keep in touch with each other here and there over the years , but decided to just stay friends even though we both loved each other , She ended up getting married and I ended up getting married , and then I ended up divorced and she is still married , when she found out I was was divorced she surprised visited me by showing up on my doorstep out of the blue and seeing each other after all that time was like we were never really apart , we ended up getting lost into each other and having sex all weekend long , we didn’t think about anything else , just her and I , I did feel bad that she was cheating on her husband with me and I told her she shouldn’t do this but she said she never loved a man as much as she loved me , so I easily fell for it. , it was pretty much pillow talk , and I told her to please not say anything about this to her husband what so ever , unless she wants to go through a divorce as well. So we decided just to remain friends , I told her to not throw her marriage away for me , At the time I was still grieving over my divorce so i was just lost and looking for happiness , Breaking a marriage apart to me is not happiness it’s selfishness. So you are best to focus on your current partner and move on from your ex , I know you feel you have a deep connection with him but the truth is you don’t , you are just holding on to the good memories you had with him. But the truth is you really don’t know each other anymore , if you were meant to be , you both wouldn’t of separated to begin with. So let it go and focus on what you already have in front of you. Trust me

[aquamarine321]

First love damn 🥹😔, that’s a difficult one, I was in a similar situation with my first love from high school, the only thing is that I moved many Miles away in the same country we meet again some years again in adulthood, I almost wanted to go into a relationship again, I think I would again but she had a child , so I tried my best to moved on, we often talked about the fun we had back in high school and how things worked out, but personally I decided to moved on , but it all depends on the circumstances and the individual, plus you’re both in a relationship too, just give it time, you’ll never forget your first love

[anon9191]

Do you think you would of got back together if you didn't have a child?

[anon9191]

She**

[aquamarine321]

I was confused I wanted to go back I got nervous when I saw her in adult hood, but I also didn’t want to go back to her at the same time, but if things was prefect, I didn’t have any doubts about her and she didn’t have a child I would definitely go back to her to me she was prefect

[aquamarine321]

But I’m not saying you should return to him or you shouldn’t, but also remember the persons that you’re both dating and there feelings towards you, but who knows you can still go back to each other

[Anonymous]

Your story makes me reminisce about my past.
Me and my high school sweetheart, fell apart because he went to another country to pursue his study after graduation, I was sad. I don’t know why people have to end a relationship because of distance, distance is never a problem for me.
It’s been 8 years and I never truly forgot about him, I’ve had a few guys since then, but I feel like my feelings for him were just put aside but never vanished. Recently I started thinking about him out of the blue.


I think when it comes to such “uncontrollable” situation, I just tell myself “if it’s fate and meant to be, it will work out.”

[anon9191]

I agree, it's heartbreaking and constantly on my mind... It makes me wonder if he's feeling the same, but fighting his feelings too because he thinks I've moved on. A few years ago when we spoke he said "We would still be together if we were in the same country" :/

[Opinion Owner]

I think you two should have continued your love story in the past, I can tell you both loved each other so much. True love can stand the test of distance

[sheikalana]

I think you should just move on. Considering that you both dated mostly during your teenage years I feel like the chances for it to work are quite low. You're both adults now and not the same people you fell in love with when you were both 15. You're stuck in a past memory. I'd say move on.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Don’t make the mistake of losing a man who healed your heart over a man who broke it.

[overthinker85]

A friend of mine told me that before marrying his wife, he had a long talk with another woman he had a lot of feelings for, to make sure he made a conscious decision.
I flew halfway around the world to see my first love again, although in my case we didn‘t get back together.
I think none of us have the right to tell you what you should or should not do - I also think that in your heart, you already know if you should talk to him about it. Good luck, however you decide!

[anon9191]

Oh wow, that's very brave of him, did it work out?

Did you and your first love not get back together because you had both changed? or were there other factors?

I want to talk to him, but I don't want to disrespect/upset our current partners - So not sure how to proceed

[overthinker85]

I understand you well - maybe it‘s something you don‘t need to actively involve your current partners in right now. You could resolve this for yourself and maybe talk about it with your first love, if you trust that he’s willing to talk about it. In my friends case, he talked to her and in the end realized marrying his current girlfriend would be the right choice. In my case (I wasn’t in an other relationship at the time, just not over it), she was the one who had broken up the relationship and did not want to give it another chance. I hope you find your answers, I don‘t think there‘s a right or wrong path, just the one you feel you need to follow

[femalepretzelmaker]

Well did you have sex with him in high school or no if not then you aren't fully informed he may be too little or a 1 minute man. And that could be devastating.
You need to get a dick Pic and go from there I'd say
Follow me for more great tips...

[strateguy632]

the saying proverb is "one item in hand is better than two far away" keep holding what you have since it is working.

[BigDog1989]

I'll never understand how "long distance" works. At some point, you gotta live together, or end it. You can't just live, "separate"