Why do a guy who is suffering from a break up wants to trauma bond with me?

[Anonymous]

So this guy I recently met had a break up 2 months ago and I'm too gonna break up soon with my abusive boyfriend. He told that he wants to trauma bond with me so that it will be easier for both of us to heal faster. He said we will just talk as friends and nothing more than that. I've told him I will think about it. I'm confused what's happening with me? What should I do? I really need suggestions guys.

[ZamerZ]

Well, that's not what trauma bonding is, actually. Trauma bonding entails that the victim of abuse develops a unhealthy attachment to their abuser. So with that in mind, is he proposing to emulate a victim-abuser-dynamic between you two? Or is it just making both of you into some sort of support system for each other? I'd try to be just friends and a shoulder to cry on, to be honest. People bonding over trauma and with unhealthy coping mechanisms can lead a very destructive path, in the worst case scenario. I think Michelle Carter and Conrad Roy are an example of that.

[Asker]

He is asking for a support system may be I need to ask that. He described trauma bond as when both people are on the same (broken) stage and they support each other emotionally as friends to heal faster. What can be concluded from it?

[ZamerZ]

Generally speaking, he's not wrong. But you need to do it in a healthy way. Otherwise the whole thing can go south and you guys could develop an unhealthy co-dependency on each other. I feel like you should only rely on someone as a support system if you truly know they are gonna be there for you. If you know them on a personal basis and that they are reliable. Not some rando.

[Asker]

I agree with you it really helped me to get clarity thank you so much

[ZamerZ]

Sure thing, no problem. Happy if it helped somehow.

[DerekC321]

I wouldn't.