Should I heal with him or break up with him to heal first?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for about a year but I realized that I am in need of healing more than I initially thought. I thought I was fine so we decided to date but I'm not fully healed. I did tell him that I'm still healing from inner wounds but he didn't mind because I had never hurted him and because we never argued and because we love each other. It is a healthy relationship. But beneath my bubbly and positive personality I am still struggling... I don't know if I should heal while dating him or heal alone? I'm just scared of hurting him with my emotional problems.

[Nirmroth]

Kinda late to realize.

Anyways what kind of healing are we talking about? Getting over a past relationship? Loss of a loved one? Mental issues like depression?

[Asker]

A past relationship. Everything resurfaced when I got into a relationship with him. It gets better but then it comes back. And the cycle repeats. It's not him, it's just me.

[Nirmroth]

I assume he's a rebound then? Explain it to him and breakup you're doing him and yourself no favour like this.
Make sure to give him room it will likely blindside him and he will be very confused/sad and in shock.

[Asker]

What is a rebound? I am not 100% healed but I am definitely over my ex (we broke up 2 years ago) and I am not filling any void with my current partner as I was never looking for a relationship in the beginning. It was him who fell first and one thing led to another and now we both really love each other. Is it still a rebound? And should I still break up with him?

[Nirmroth]

A rebound is when you're getting toghether with someone just after 0-3 months after a breakup. Its to fill the hole in sudden lack of intimacy of a relationship. Usually they dont last long maybe up to a year because you can't avoid the healing procress forever.

Seeing that its 2 years ago, it doesn't sound like it fitts the description.

Maybe its time you think critical of the picture you have of your ex, "the gras is always greener on the other side". There was a reason that you broke up dont make the old relationship with your ex something holy.

That decision is in the end up to you, realize tho that you might not see him ever again. Think of him aswell, are you treating him any less like a King bec of your healing issues?

[Pyrofox]

Can you and will you be able to move on or are you perpetually stuck in Lala land