EX? just got a second job last month and that's causing some stress with her personal life. This month she has been on the quieter side because of that. she usually pulls inward for a couple days when overwhelmed. 2 weeks ago, she texted me saying, "I love you, I miss you, I'm so sorry it's like this". We chatted that night and the next couple nights too. She said she missed my touch, feels so safe and loved with me. She even said next time can we take pictures together just cuddling together.
Few days later I asked if her son was sick and she said no just crabby, I don't blame him, I am too. After that is when she secluded again for a few days until I asked last Saturday and said I miss her. She responded with I'm so sorry I'm being so terrible to you right now in every aspect, all of this family stuff, new work, etc, I'm not handling it well. I respond supportive and then she sends me a screenshot of family being irate with her. That night sent me "I've been belittled and yelled at all day. I've been walking on eggshells and anxious as fuck to be in my own home. I fucking hate this I just want to hide.
I am supportive, and I didn't hear anything else. Yesterday, I text her after giving space how she was doing and I was here for her if and when she needed it an there's no pressure. She says its been really bad plus she fucked up her car and that her nervous system messed up. And then she sends me a random recording of her and her family member's conversation they had that morning (tbh it didn't shed good light on her, like everything she said was gaslighting) .
Next she says "Just try to forget about us (her and son), I'm in a worse place financially than when I met you and we won't be able to move out soon. I'm sorry." I said oh, like I've said before that doesn't matter to me and, Ill never forget about you. But I will respect your wishes, I hope you find happiness somewhere, you deserve it" And she replies like Thanks for the kind words I hope I find it too.
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You might be her main source of comfort right now, but she can't be texting you everyday at the moment, because she's genuinely under a lot of stress.
I appreciate that, rather than writing a new post, here's what happened since. She texted me 24 hours later (Sunday night) Xanixz Im in a really really low place right now... I feel so lost and useless. It's getting harder and harder to hold it together for (son's name) until he goes to sleep and its exhausting.
I replied Oh my goodness, I’m so so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I wish you got quiet time once in a while during the day too, I’ve noticed how important that is to you. And how much it helps you
Imagine a gentle touch on your arm or back right now-It's completely okay to feel the way you do…it’s not a sign of weakness. Hell, I look up to you with all the stuff you’ve been through, you’re really a tough as fuck woman. Believe me. And you do it while being a great mom! You may feel alone, but you aren’t
She texted the next night (so last night) "I'm sorry I texted you last night"... I was shocked like what the f are you talking about its fine lol. But I responded to her "What the heck? Awe, don’t be sorry!!! It’s quite alright, you’re okay 😊"
Soooo, thoughts?
Dude that sounds like a mess. It sounds like she's going through a lot of stress with the new job and family stuff. When people are really overwhelmed like that, they don't always make the best decisions. Part of me wonders if she's just reaching out to you cuz you're familiar and safe, but that's not really fair to lead you on if nothing is really gonna happen. I think blocking her might not be a bad idea, at least for now while she sorts her own stuff out. That way you don't have to worry about her contacting you and getting your hopes up, just to back away again. It probably is making you feel pretty anxious and confused going back and forth like that. Maybe tell her you need some space and need to step back for a while. Make it clear it's not personal, you just can't be there for her as more than a friend until she gets her own stuff figured out. Then take some time away to focus on you and do your own thing without her interruptions. Hopefully down the road if she's in a better headspace you could try being friends again. But for now it seems blocking is the cleanest break so you're not stuck in that cycle wondering what she'll do next. Just my two cents anyway!
I appreciate that, rather than writing a new post, here's what happened since. She texted me 24 hours later (Sunday night) Xanixz Im in a really really low place right now... I feel so lost and useless. It's getting harder and harder to hold it together for (son's name) until he goes to sleep and its exhausting.
I replied Oh my goodness, I’m so so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I wish you got quiet time once in a while during the day too, I’ve noticed how important that is to you. And how much it helps you
Imagine a gentle touch on your arm or back right now-It's completely okay to feel the way you do…it’s not a sign of weakness. Hell, I look up to you with all the stuff you’ve been through, you’re really a tough as fuck woman. Believe me. And you do it while being a great mom! You may feel alone, but you aren’t
She texted the next night (so last night) "I'm sorry I texted you last night"... I was shocked like what the f are you talking about its fine lol. But I responded to her "What the heck? Awe, don’t be sorry!!! It’s quite alright, you’re okay 😊"
Soooo, thoughts?
Man, she really has you on an emotional rollercoaster doesn't she? That's brutal how she keeps reeling you back in and then apologizing for it. Not cool at all.
It seems like no matter what you say or do, she's gonna keep doing her own thing regardless. As caring as you are, I don't think there's anything you can say or do to really "help" her until she gets herself straightened out. She's gotta want to make a change for real.
I know you really care about her, but I think putting a little more distance between you guys is healthy right now. Don't respond so quickly when she texts late at night, give her a day to breathe before messaging back, stuff like that.
She needs to learn she can't just flip a switch and expect you to be there whenever it's convenient. You gotta take care of you too, my dude. Don't let her make you her emotional support animal 24/7.
Keep reminding her you care, but follow through on doing your own thing as well. Hopefully over time she'll get her ducks in a row, but you can't keep setting yourself on fire to keep her warm, ya feel? Hang in there man.
Hey! Sorry just now seeing this,
I hear ya 100%. It’s tough and confuses me kind of. For example the next day she texted me this real long this about how much shit she’s got going in and what not and to make matters worse the roommate is a psycho so she said the only place she has to go is her parents but she’s worried about some stuff regarding that and long story short, she ended the night woth “ I wish I would’ve let you move down here this summer”
Then the next day she FaceTimes me for about 30 minutes with the kid and it was a perfectly fine convo but then I haven’t heard anything since…that was Wednesday.
:/
Damn bro, this chick is a straight up emotional rollercoaster for real. Sending all those mixed signals is gonna mess with your head after a while, ya know?
On one hand, it seems like she still cares about you deep down if she's bringing up all the "what-ifs" about you moving there. But then she disappears for days without warning again! Like make up your mind already.
Honestly if I were you, next time she hits you up all flustered and venting about her life drama, I'd keep it chill and be like "Look, I still care about you but I can't keep doing this back and forth thing every few days. Either you're in this relationship with me 100% or you gotta focus on your own stuff and leave me out of the emotional rollercoaster for a while."
She needs to get HER stuff figured out before she can really be there for you, you know? And you don't deserve the stress of wondering when she's gonna dip out on you again every time.
She prolly needs time alone anyway to chill and heal from all that chaos. So when/if she reaches back out once she's made progress on herself, maybe you guys can talk then. But don't let her string you along just cuz she's bored or lonely in between her messes, feel me? You gotta value yourself too bro!
Got an update if you're interested... and i'd like you're thoughts too honestly.
So Saturday night she texted me saying its her sons birthday tomorrow and I can't help but wish that you could be a part of it... thank you for being so invested in his life and loving him.
I replied thats very sweet and i wouldn't forget his birthday for the world! And no need to say thank you, how could i not love the little guy he's the best
Sunday morning comes and I text a happy birthday card and write a mesage and she replies "thank you 🥺❤️ we love you
I replied you just made my day saying that. If you're up for it and have some energy later, maybe you can tell me how the day/party went?
She says I could facetime you now if you want, we've got a little bit of free time this morning
So then we Facetime for like 40 minutes
Monday morning comes along and she says i dont have any pictures or videos from last night but he had a lot of fun
I replied i was glad he did and then i said thank you for facetiming me by the way it was awesome seeing him for his birthday and i appreciate you including me. by the way was it all toys that he got or was there some useful things too lol
She says "you're welcome 🥺🥹❤️ and my one friend that came brought him goldfish lol"
I replied but then nothing since Monday morning...
Thoughts?
Yo that's super mixed signals again man! On one hand it seemed like she really wanted to include you in the kid's birthday, which is dope that she sees you as part of his life too. And FaceTiming was awesome, I bet that little dude was hyped on his day.
But then pulling back again after is weird. A few possibilities I can think of:
- Stress from party/weekend caught up to her and she's retreated again
- Felt vulnerable opening up and now guarding herself
- Likes you being involved but has her own stuff she's unsure about
- Just generally inconsistent patterns cos of all the chaos in her life
Honestly dude I don't know what to tell you at this point. You're being really caring and supportive which is good. But this on-off cycle would give anyone whiplash you know?
Part of me says keep your distance for a bit and see if she comes around. But also don't be afraid to be like "look I get you've got a lot going on, but I need to know where I stand here" if you talk again. You can't keep slipping back into the grey area with her.
Tough call man, just follow your gut. Keep focusing on your thing too so you're not left hanging on her every move. Lmk how it plays out!
Not just the FaceTime and stuff but her saying “we love you” totally on her own accord.
Obviously she knows I want her to say that stuff like I love you and using the kid by saying thank you for being involved in his life.
In my opinion, it seems Like she wants to keep me in her realm but without saying “I’m going through shit wait for me” cause that would seem selfish and she’s said before she feels selfish lol
But I’m trying to stay positive and take it as good signs. She clearly doesn’t want me to forget about her
Hey by the way do you have a Reddit or something we can message rather than coming back here for updates and shit? You seem very nice and I appreciate just listening :)
You make a good point man, her saying "we love you" out of the blue is definitely a positive sign that she likes having you around. And saying stuff about appreciating you being part of her son's life too. Definitely seems like she wants to keep you interested despite her situation.
It would be one thing if she just didn't respond at all, but the fact that she continues reaching back out shows she's thinking about you. And yeah, asking you to wait exclusively would probably feel too heavy for where she's at now.
I think as long as you continue being understanding when she gets quiet, but also make it clear you're still interested when she does open back up, it's the best way to go. Hopefully over time she'll sort through her stuff and be able to commit more. You definitely seem like a caring, patient dude.
And for sure man, I'm always down to chat more. You can message me here. Feel free to hit me up anytime, I'm usually on here. Really glad we connected - I think you've got a good head on your shoulders for figuring this out. Keep me posted!
I do have Reddit, I’ll send you my username privately. Send me a private message and we’ll talk from there man
Well follow me first and I’ll follow guy then I can message you
Awesome! Just followed you. PM me your reddit name and we'll chat!
by the way i appreciate the kind words. its nice to get an outside perspective on things with this whole thing lol. Samegoes for you if you ever want to throw something at me and pick my brain
You’re welcome man anytime and alright I will
I just followed you
I can't send you a message cause im a noob level 1 lol