I was willing to give her what she wanted... why is my ex girlfriend no longer interested?

[Anonymous]

After being in the relationship for nearly 5 years, she left me way back in March. I know the reason she left. She stupidly took her for granted to the point she got exhausted.

In the following month, I tried doing the right thing. I showed up unannounced, knocking on her door. I've never done this before. It was for a valid reason. This was her answer: ''Why now? I would've said yes before. I don't want it anymore. No you're not the one.''

A few weeks ago was my 2nd and last attempt. She declined me again, claiming to no longer be interested in me nor what I had to offer. She wanted nothing from me but wished me luck in my next relationship. I was left speechless at her radical, sudden change. Why?

She wanted commitment. Ok I made mistakes but tried to fix things. I don't get it. Why won't she be interested anymore? It was an expensive, green Sapphire gemstone. Sapphire and color green is her favorite and she declined that twice. She was crazy about me, wanted a future with me... why the sudden change?

Updates

4 mo

I don't get it. Supposedly she was hurt, felt unloved, taken for granted and that I would never commit. Ok got it, understandable.
I proposed twice and she declined me twice. What's going on?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, it really sucks but you gotta accept that she's moved on from you and the relationship. Some things to consider:

- Even though you're finally offering commitment now, it's too little too late from her perspective after five years of taking her for granted. Those scars don't heal quickly.

- People's feelings can change drastically over time, especially with space after a breakup. What she wanted from you before isn't relevant now if she's fallen out of love.

- Showing up unannounced was not the right move - it comes off as disrespecting her boundaries and space instead of giving her space to heal.

- She appreciated your gesture but her feelings have solidified. Pushing more gifts on her won't change how she feels inside.

- You need to respect her decision even if it's hard to understand. It may be permanently over, as much as that sucks to accept man.

I know you still care about her, but the best thing now is to really let her go. Work on bettering yourself and respecting women going forward. In time you'll be able to find someone who wants the new you. For now just focus on moving on as best you can.

[NYCQuestions1976]

She doesn't want you any more because you wasted years of her life she could've been spending looking for someone that actually wanted to get married for the reason of creating a life together, and not just as a last-ditch gesture to save the relationship and as an effort to kick the can down the road.

[Asker]

I deeply regret it and that's going to haunt me for a long time. I know it was a bad timing when I proposed but I really thought there was some hope. I've realized I really did wanted her in my life. People makes mistakes and can change for the better. I wanted to prove her I can be the man she always wanted.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Well unfortunately for you, as the old saying goes, "That ship has sailed."

[NYCQuestions1976]

Thanks for Most Helpful. 👍

[DreamCrescent]

there’s a time and place and you missed the window. it happens

unfortunately, you cannot commit or take a relationship seriously on your own terms and by your own timing. someone else is in it too. you hurt her

emerald doesn’t repair broken trust. she’s doing the right thing

you are too. you learned, you’re reviewing your behavior. you’re asking for advice. maybe your next relationship will be better indeed

good luck

[Asker]

I really underestimated it all. So now I learned the awful truth of when a woman is done with us, not even a marriage proposal will fix it. I was shocked to be honest. I tried my best. I really thought she would say yes.
Now I have to sadly go back to the store, return the ring and get my money back.

[DreamCrescent]

yeah but a marriage proposal isn’t a fix to any problem. it never was. i hope you see that

proposals are happy occasions when timed correctly and in the proper stage of the relationship. you can’t apologize with a proposal 🤣 it’s kindof weird that you had to learn this.

good luck with the ring return

[Anonymous]

She fell out of love with you and doesn’t want the relationship anymore, that’s just life dude. Yeah it’s too bad that it took you so long to change your ways but it’s too late. Rather than trying to invalidate her by making her decision sound so radical and outlandish, accept that it’s over so you can move on. This isn’t some irrational decision, it came after lots of thought, disappointment and hurt.

[Opinion Owner]

You don’t have to get it, it’s not her job to make you understand. It’s just over, get out of your denial.

[Asker]

yeah I'll be moving on now. It sucks though. I asked for an excuse to take my day off on those two attempts. I'm going to head back to the store. Hopefully I get my money back. It was an expensive ring.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, hopefully you can get your money back!

[rosemilk]

no, sometimes it's just too late. and the fact that it took a fight and a breakup for you to finally commit, she did the right thing moving on. life doesn't work that way, not sure what you were expecting. she's over it.

[rosemilk]

she also doesn't want a "pity proposal", that's she's been waiting on for so long.

[Asker]

I thought there was some hope to make it all right again, to start over, commit to her, prove her I can be the man she always wanted, that I'm ready now. If she would've accepted it, I would've set the wedding as early as possible, at whatever date she wants.
I know the timing was bad but I meant it all. I'll be moving on now. I lost her for good.