My ex messaged me, asking how I am, what to do?

Question

I don’t know what he wants.  We broke up 1.5 year ago and as long as I know he’s still in a relationship. Have no idea.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. The most important question is what do YOU want? At this point, you have no obligation toi be concerned about his interests. You should be acting solely to accomplish what is good for you.

2. From our previous discussions, I think you are not interested in reconciling your relationship with this man. He is calling you because that is probably his desire. If you don't want to reconcile with him, maintaining even occasional contact is counter productive. It will reactivate feelings from the breakup. You will be questioning whether you should date anyone else. You will want to keep your contact with your ex secret from whoever you are dating now, and that will be wrong. If a new guy learns about your contact with the ex, they will think you are still in love with the ex. If you don't want to reconcile, going no contact with him - for the rest of your life - would be best. So, you should reach out to him and tell him that your last contact was upsetting and, although that was not his intention, that is what happened. Therefore, you want him to observe your privacy by not contact you ever again.

3. I know that some young people have this notion that, after a break up, you should be able to remain as friends. That is a fairy tale notion and most people are not capable of doing that.

Whitewulf · Accepted Answer

This is unnecessary self inflicting pain. Even for the audience. It’s like watching the movie where your favorite couple fell apart lived separate lives and then by chance meeting at crossroads. And all of a sudden all of those memories and feelings come rushing back in like a tsunami. You want them to just forget all the bad, rush to each others arms and live happily ever after.
ill never forget someone asking another, was it a bad breakup? Other person-yes! It’s always bad. If it was t bad we wouldn’t be breaking up. My point is I don’t don’t your situation and who ended it or cheated whatever. But I can tell you as a man only two reasons he in contact with you and visiting old places to stir up emotion in you. 1. You owe him money or some object that he wants and he’s buttering you up or.
2. He wants to get back together. People don’t truly randomly call their ex sincerely to see how they are especially if they are still dating someone. And if he is still dating someone and contacting you his intentions are not good. Just playing the devil’s advocate here.

MsBell2018 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he's reaching out because he misses you & what the 2 of you had. Maybe some regret for no longer being together? Definitely sounds like he's fishing to see if he can get back in your good graces. Maybe try again? He's testing the waters to see if you're receptive or open to talking.
Questions you should ask yourself are:
why did you break up? Is it possible to rekindle? Is it worth it? Do you want to? Are you mentally & emotionally available to? If you did, what would need to be different? Are you 2 able to sit down & talk in a public place & be open & honest about what you want & expect? If you're not wanting or willing to try again, I'd suggest letting him know you're not interested & to not contact you again.
Plenty to seriously think about & decide.

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

Yikes!!! Sound Like He is having Problems in Paradise and Maybe Some Regrets!!! GO SLOW. xxoo

dynamicyandere · Answer

I think you handled that well.

I’d say the best thing to do would to either just not answer, or keep your answers very brief.

If he’s missing you and he’s messaging you, but he’s still in a relationship, it’s unfair to you because it’s just making it difficult for you to move on.

Also, why is he mentioning all these emotionally triggering memories and places?

Is he trying to get you upset?

Unless he is seriously trying to get back together with you, he has no business contacting you.

Summeroflove · Answer

Yeah. Breakups can be hard. But people need to know when to let go and move on. It can be easier said then done. But this does happen sometimes when one person moves on and the other doesn’t.

He needs to go find someone whose right for him. Not go after someoke whose not interested anymore. If he keeps contacting after you advise him to leave you alone. Then you may need to seek legal options

Finchie40 · Answer

You don’t need to do anything , Don’t answer him and just blow him off , an ex is an ex for a reason , you don’t need to do anything , You don’t need to explain yourself what so ever ,

Anonymous · Answer

If you're unsure about what your ex wants, it might be best to respond politely and keep the conversation brief. You could say something like, "I'm doing well, thank you for asking. How have you been?" This acknowledges their message without delving too deeply into any potential motives behind it. If they continue the conversation and you start feeling uncomfortable or uncertain, you can always choose to disengage politely.

mobiusforniner · Answer

It sounds benign but having experience with this, I kindly encourage you not to engage. To open that door will only allow that wound to hurt longer. Because if he truly loves you, he will let go. He wouldn’t be looking for reasons to hold you back. He’d be helping you move forward, even if that means never talking with or seeing you ever again.

for him to reconnect is to meet some selfish compulsion. Maybe things aren’t better on the other side of the fence. And for him to reinvigorate your emotions is a callous move.

From your posts, you seem to be a woman of resolve and fortitude. Move forward.

Anonymous · Answer

The choice is yours. If you don’t care to hear from him again then just send him a polite yet direct final message saying:

“hey so so. It was nice chatting with you but tbh I rather not have you contacting me again. I do wish the best for you and I hope you are doing well. But please don’t contact me again. Thanks”.

With the above he knows exactly where he stands. It is considerate but honest.

But it looks like you are very conflicted and wishy washy on whether or not you are okay with this. I got a feeling you left the door semi open when it ended. That’s why he feels like it’s okay to contact you.

But you have to make a decision here and whether not it’s okay for him to contact you are not. He’s not going to be able to read your mind on it. You can respectfully straight up with him.

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Answer

Can just say you're doing fine or something to this effect. As long as you know your boundaries, you shouldn't have to avoid these types of conversations.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Wormy. He let his hormones get the better of him, it happens. He knows he should be focused on his SO, especially given the current sociopolitical climate he’s in. Remember all the stories on this site of other men who tried to cheat on their spouses. Remember your past experiences as well.

This is another problem with being “friends” with exes. If things don’t work out in his current relationship, you may get blamed as a homewrecker. If he’s a particularly shitty person, he may try to blame you for his poor behavior. Ifs and buts… Either way, this is why I’ve no idea what my exes are doing nor is it any of my business.

I said before you shouldn’t answer the phone or block his number. Date someone else.

He smokes, gross.

exitseven · Answer

You did the right thing. It sounds like you are dealing with this at your own pace. You need to do what is good for you.  Concentrate on getting past the broken leg.

Saiesh30 · Answer

I mean if you don't like him then don't respond. Don't even bother.
If you do like him and fancy another go at a relationship with him, respond.
You know better the reason why you both parted ways. If you were hurt coz of something that you can't forget completely then it's best not to go into the same boat again.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Sometimes it is just nice to take a trip down memory lane.

spartan55 · Answer

Sounds like he is just checking in on you, making sure you didn't snap your other leg, etc.

Radiate143 · Answer

DO NOT REPLY. That is a breadcrumb. Don't answer until he makes some serious effort and explains himself.

jshm2 · Answer

Do nothing but communicate. Just because he is your "ex" does not mean he has become a different species.  People can just talk to one another, you know.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

Sounds like an attempt to slowly wiggle back into your life. It starts with a call, the a text here and there, then it's let get coffee or something etc etc... If you are done with him then ignore these in my opinion, if not well that's easy.

Staximus · Answer

The bee always comes back to the flower until the flower is no longer there to welcome it back. So don't be welcoming if you want him to buzz off

Anonymous · Answer

My EX did the same. I decided to F-K him cause he has a nice “D”. And I left him forever, without a bye or anything. Since he broke up with me.

slatyb · Answer

Do you want to be in contact with him,? If not, don't respond. He's not entitled to a response.

Yannae · Answer

What do you want is the question you should be asking.

sheikalana · Answer

Block. Delete. Move on. Leave the past in the past.

My ex messaged me, asking how I am, what to do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

My ex messaged me, asking how I am, what to do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.