Do you have to tell the truth why you want to break-up?

Question

I've been wanting to break-up for a month and will do it any time today. I know he's going to ask why but do I really have to tell him the truth? I'm going to end it anyways. Does it matter? We were too different some things too.

I was thinking of a speech like this:

David I've enjoyed these 3 years and I've glad to have met you but it's time to part ways. There are several goals I want to pursue and need to be alone. Nothing personal against you though. I wish you the best in life. Good luck and bye for now.

Truth is just being in love isn't enough, we're not on the same page on certain things and there is someone else that wants what I want in life, similar in goals too. We were talking but I told him I had to break up first.

mattthefatbat · Accepted Answer

Breaking up with someone you loved is tough and a bit painful if neither is communicating well enough for both to understand eachother's wants and needs properly. That's why Communicating, explaining and being honest to anyone you're seeing or breaking up with is just the right thing to do. Because if you don't explain why it's a bit like this, you've spent a really long time doing the best at your job of making this delicious meal you thought everything was going so smooth and then just out the blue the one you worked hard to impress with this meal just tells you to leave you're fired. You ask why but they just tell you to throw the food away and leave without explaining why.

But I heard you are breaking up with David because he doesn't want to give you kids. Well I'm not judging you or anything but is this other guy that you're seeing already really showing you the same amount of love and respect as David is? Are you sure you really couldn't have had kids with David eventually?

sawno · Accepted Answer

"There are several goals I want to pursue and need to be alone." nah don't do that bullshit. Gonna me an insane slap to his face because you aren't gonna be alone now are you? It will be extremely disrespectful to your guy and probably the most hurtful thing you can do.

No what you want to do is soften the blow, explain that you don't feel like you two are the perfect fit and explain the kind of girl you think he is perfect for. And then just explain to him that you found someone you have more in common with and feel like he is a better fit for you. That way your guy can at least understand why you left him so he won't have to second guess himself. Otherwise its very easy to be insecure over stuff that weren't even the issue.

Seinna · Accepted Answer

My advice is to never ever mention another person if you want to break up with someone. It just adds unnecessary pain to an already painful situation. As to whether to tell them the truth... well, you definitely don't want to lie to them. But you also don't have to tell them the entire truth if you feel that 1) it is not required to break up and 2) if it could leave them with a worse feeling, shatter their self esteem etc. In this case simply telling them that you want different things in life is enough... actually, I broke up with my ex for the exact same reason and that's what I told him. We want different things in life and I don't want to give up on my dreams and simultaneously I don't want to pressure you to accommodate me. I enjoyed our time together but we are not a good match.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If my boyfriend wanted to break up with me, I’d want the truth.

However men can go “crazy” and “aggressive” if you tell them the truth depending what it is.

If you say there’s someone else. Who knows what reaction he could have to that. 😬 yikes 😬. That’s almost like saying you cheated on him.

I would lie. I would probably do everything to turn him off. Not give him intimacy, make space. Not touch him. Ignore him. Push him to break up with me instead.
Cause who knows 😬, a males strength is 10x that of yours. And if he has an emotional reaction. You’re at risk.

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s the respectful thing to do , to tell the truth as to why you are leaving someone , it’s disrespectful not to tell them the truth , it’s disrespectful , because the person that is breaking up the relationship (you) , had plenty of time to prepare themselves for the break up , while stringing their partner along for their selfish decision. , the other person is sadly being blind sided and has no clue it’s coming , so by you not telling your soon to be ex , the truth, as to why you are leaving him , makes you a selfish person , that only really cares about yourself. Just because you weren’t seeing eye to eye with your soon to be ex , you should have the dignity and respect to tell him the truth that you met someone else , to give your ex an answer , as to why you are leaving him by giving him the honest answer , it will help him move on as well. Not having an answer? , is going to eat him alive by him not knowing what he did wrong to lose you. Put yourself in his shoes and think how you would feel , if your boyfriend blind sided you , by leaving you , without giving you valid reason as to why he is leaving you in the first place , you will have question marks over your head, as to why he was leaving you? You would have a hard time moving on because you won’t have an answer as to why.

StarWarGirl · Answer

Have to? No.

I personally feel it's better to speak whatever doesn't let the other person left feel guilty or such things onwards like they have not done enough types feelings.

I prefer to either say generally types as your speech or diplomatic answer.

Just only LIES ARE NOT ALLOWED. but we can hide truth.

To point out someone's mistake etc or give them other true reason for all of these things those days should be used when we are being in relationship not the last words. Last words should be comforting types like a peace treaty like ending everything with peace.

molonski2 · Answer

"

David I've enjoyed these 3 years and I've glad to have met you but it's time to part ways. There are several goals I want to pursue and need to be alone. Nothing personal against you though. I wish you the best in life. Good luck and bye for now.

Truth is just being in love isn't enough, we're not on the same page on certain things and there is someone else that wants what I want in life, similar in goals too. We were talking but I told him I had to break up first. "

I'd leave out paragraph B , and just focus on A , he does not need to know that much ,

He has a great name :( - Sad

ManOnFire · Answer

Do you  have  to tell the truth? No, of course not.  Should  you tell the truth? Yes, definitely. And your speech needs work and is like a quick pull of tape off a hairy chest. That's not gonna work. It's gonna hurt him either way, and will be uncomfortable with you either way. You should've ended the relationship before you started seeing the other guy. You also need to think about if he was the one in your position and wanted to dump you. How do you think it would make you feel?

Purpleronnie · Answer

What do you loose by telling him the truth? What would you want if you were the one being broken up with? You have been with him for 3 years doesn’t he at least deserve the respect of knowing how you truly feel? Don’t be that person who looks for the path of least resistance. The right thing here is to be honest and compassionate.. just like you would want … right?

Anonymous · Answer

When breaking up, the decision is one-sided and completely on the person initiating it how they want to handle it.

That being said, there is a difference between a peaceful breakup and one that leaves a person damaged for years. Many times the ones that damage someone are the ones where the person is not honest with why they want the breakup. It indicates that they are cowards who are too scared to see the reaction.

Also just know that people who are hurt unnecessarily often seek vengeance. The breakup is going to hurt anyways, but lying about the reason is adding salt to the wound.

Finally, ask yourself how much or how little your own integrity matters to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Holy shit you're the kind of woman who literally always bitches about not finding good men because you throw the good men away. This is beyond comical and pitiful.

Lady if you want to break with him, you do indeed owe him the truth. On that same token, he is dodging a bullet with you. Braking up with him will actually enable him to find someone who is actually worthy of him, which you obviously are not. "love isn't enough" lady if you actually loved him you'd not be breaking up.. Chances are you never ever loved him.. Wow. Just wow..

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

You don't have to but you absolutely should. Closure is necessary for both people and hard truths/reality can benefit both people in their future relationships. Id advise being more detailed, it sucks it'll hurt it's awkward but it's necessary

Anonymous · Answer

It depends. There's no rulebook, but honesty is important. You can be truthful without being cruel. Maybe say something like "I don't see a future together" or "My feelings have changed." If it's something they did, you can be gentle but clear. The goal is to avoid blaming them but give them some closure.

sheikalana · Answer

I think that's the right thing to do. However, if you suspect the reason why you're breaking up with someone is completely going to destroy that person and their self esteem maybe you should re-think on what to tell them. Not everyone can handle the truth and sometimes that can cause permanent damage.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah--probably best not to mention you've already lined up his replacement. You should probably be clearer on the specifics of where you're not on the same page and make it clear that regardless, you're done now (so there is no chance for him to fix it) and it's time for both of you to move on.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Pfff. "Truth is just being in love isn't enough, we're not on the same page on certain things and there is someone else that wants what I want in life"

Wanna bet you gonna regret it? Only reason you wanna break up is you wanna fuck this other guy. Yeah break up with him. He deserves better.

blueonblack22 · Answer

If asks tell him. If he doesn’t then don’t. You do him an honest answer if he asks.  It’s always women who usually do the breaking up for non-fundamental problems.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

It does and will matter to him, as he can see/know the reason, and if it from his fault, then he can "work" on the "issue", or at least he will know what & what not to do in the future.

Mangospacho · Answer

You don’t have to give him a completely honest reason for the breakup. Bottom line is you don’t want to be with him. That should be enough reason.

Anonymous · Answer

break up or divorce is okay. but you have to be away from getting into new relationships for 4months and 10 days. then after you found some one to enter your life. that's fine...

for me a thing hurting... that you found another person and he is waiting for your break up time... it's unhealthy I personally feel.

if you found current boyfriend David there is no love... then breakup is fine... but keep a waiting period like 4months and 10 days...

HelpfulWoman · Answer

LMAO. so basically you want to sound less like a slut jumping dick to dick. I see.

BaronVonBarron · Answer

We all know you already have another guy. Girls never leave without securing another relationship. They always lie about the real reason. If I were him I would appreciate the truth. It would make me respect you more.

Twalli · Answer

I might not mention that you have someone else lined up. That sounds like you just dated him until you found a replacement (even if it's true). Tell gim. your life goals are different and love can't keep you together with your different life goals.

Harshbro · Answer

You’re a cheater, talking to another man behind your current partners back. Splitting it off because ur fling, be careful with men. They’ll tell you what you wanna hear if it means getting in your pants

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think that’s fine what you’re going to say to him. No need to hurt him by going into details. Not like you cheated.

laly520 · Answer

say it as it is the whole truth  the more u r honest the more peaceful u would feel in future

Slim57 · Answer

Women like you suck. What a horrible person you are for wasting 3 years of that mans time when he's probably really in love with you

Jamara · Answer

Not necessarily. Sometimes being diplomatic can be less hurtful to someone’s feelings than being bluntly truthful.

spartan55 · Answer

Please don't use this. It's... not good.

jahaims · Answer

You tell the truth to people you respect

Anonymous · Answer

The truth may hurt but it gives closure to the other person and helps him move on.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I agree with @HelpfulWoman.

Rangers · Answer

That would be the decent thing to do, yes

OtterMan68 · Answer

honesty is the best policy

lildkman1010 · Answer

Is it the sex

Do you have to tell the truth why you want to break-up?

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