May I have a women perspective on this?

[Anonymous]

I just got dumped by my 1st girlfriend. She broke up with me because I wouldn’t be honest with people at work about our relationship. I was trying to avoid the messiness of the work place but I ended up only considering my feelings and not considering hers , that was my mistake. When someone would ask about our relationship I would say “ no we’re just friends”, or “ no we broke up etc”. Eventually she sat me down told since I’m telling people at work those things then we should just be friends. Ever since the break up it’s been really hard. I was being too pushy in the first week or two by trying to fix things but I only ended up pushing her away. When I would try to talk to her about she would say “ I don’t wanna talk about it right now”, which I understand, but I wasn’t thinking clearly so I panicked and became too pushy. We however have a few convos about the situation. She seemed really upset and explained my actions made her look like and idiot and that she got caught in the middle and it made her look like a liar. She said it was too much stress combined with both of her grandfather in the hospital, so she had to let something go (unfortunately that was our relationship) Then by the 3rd or 4th week I asked her and she told me that she is seeing someone else. (She was wearing his jacket at work, I didn’t recognize it so I just asked her straight up.) It’s been hell for me emotionally. She said she lived and cared for when we were together. How could she move on so fast. A week ago I accidentally liked one of old reposts because I got notification at work that she reposted something ( it was about her current relationship) Igor reason I got caught up looking through her reposts and accidentally like one then unliked it (my fault) I figured maybe she didn’t notice. later that day we had a friendly convo at work so I thought we were in a good spot at least, but then I saw her reposting mean spirited stuff ex boyfriend stuff on tik tok.

[HollyK21]

First and foremost, I’m sorry that you’re experiencing your first heartbreak ever, it really sucks a lot and anyone who’s been there will really feel for you when they read this. Honestly, I think the best choice you could make right now would be to accept that it is over. I know you’re probably looking for some suggestions to win her over or encouragement to keep fighting, and someone will probably come along and give you that. But in this case I can’t do that, in good faith.


What I read was a woman who finally decided she had enough of you publicly disowning her, and despite your logic behind doing so, it was just bad behavior and enough of it to really put some finality into her decision to be finished. A bit of time passed, and even with you actively trying to show you wanted her back, she only responded with giving you closure, told you why things need to be over, and I know that once a woman is at that place, she’s done.


Then to top it all off, if there were ever any doubts or glimmers of hope, she entirely swiped those off the table with now seeing someone else. So to me, it’s like she maturely ended the relationship, gave you closure, and lastly is trying to move on with someone else.


You may wonder how she did it “so fast”, but when women are truly done, they can do what she’s doing. She knew when she walked away that she wasn’t turning back, and now it’s time for you to make peace with it. I think there was an important lesson you’re having to learn, even though it cost you greatly, but you’d never treat another woman like that ever again and you wouldn’t have known this if you hadn’t lost her.

[Asker]

I understand. I just don’t get how she could say that she loves me and cares about me then just move on so fast. Does that she was lying to me. It so confusing it hurts. I really did love her and care for her too, but she doesn’t believe me. It’s makes me wonder if she was cheating with this other guy or just came up with an escape plan and used this as an excuse. I understand what you are saying I just don’t get it. Im not trying to make her out to be a bad person I don’t get it and it just hurts. Thanks you so much for answering and being honest!

[HollyK21]

No problem at all dude, I’m sorry for what you’re going through it sucks a lot. Maybe your perspective on this is what’s making it all so confusing, which makes sense, this is your first relationship so you don’t understand.

Here’s the thing, it’s possible to love someone very much but also know that they aren’t the right person for you. I’d say that’s why people stay in the wrong relationships and toxic situations, they love the person deeply despite the negativity. For example, your ex loved you but didn’t love that you hurting her, and eventually she had to love herself more than she loved you, so she could act in her best interest.

Even with her dating someone new, it’s because she isn’t mourning your relationship being over. It’s different for you, since your actions were what ultimately ended things. You two are in two totally different places.